First,
I'd like to express my extreme displeasure with the date. How have we
already made it more than half-way through January? *sigh*
Anyways, Happy New Year, everyone! I've been away for a bit, but I had a
few things on my mind that thought I'd rejoin the blogosphere.
Quick update on Dad - he's doing well. He and Mom went back to NY for a
week or so, and they are both back in warm AZ now. He says he's feeling
about 80-85% of normal, which is great considering he's only 5-ish weeks out
since his surgery.
I scheduled my 6-month PET scan for February, and I've already started having
nightmares. I think it's something I'm always going to deal with -
there's always the fear of "WHAT IF?" However, I'm doing my
best to not let this rule my life, and to try to remember that my odds are
great. I'm also doing what I can to give credence to my thoughts, as I
realize that if I don't, they will all manifest themselves in some other way
that I don't even want to imagine. :)
Once I have the PET, my follow-up with Dr. O is on the 28th of February.
I'm not sure what's going to happen, so I'm just hopeful that all is
well. We'll see.
What else? Well, I took a part-time job and I start next weekend.
As you all well know, we are in some pretty tight financial times (both
as a nation and as my family). So, I was able to get a job with a local
Lowe's, and I start next Friday night. It's going to be hard - I'm
working from 6-10pm on Fridays, and then 9am-6pm on Saturday and Sunday.
Yikes - but, it's going to help our financial situation, and I'm hoping
that this year isn't going to be as difficult as the past couple of years.
Levi and I have talked about how some of the household chores are going
to have to get shifted to him, and I'm looking for someone to come in once a
month to clean the house (mop the floors, dust, etc.), so if you know of
anyone, please let me know. I'm not looking to pay a lot of money, but I
will pay.
Because of the p/t job, I made the very difficult decision to resign my
chairman position with the Colon Cancer Alliance. This was one of the
most difficult decisions I've ever had to make, but I think it's the right one.
And, my team has been so supportive of the decision. They have
allowed me to stay on as a member, and I will continue to support them as much
as possible. I already have plans to take part in some events on Dress in
Blue Day (March 4th - MARK IT ON YOUR CALENDAR!!!), so that's exciting.
There is so much happening this year, which bums me out to not be a part
of it, but I know (think?) this is the right decision.
I think that's about it. I'm still working out, trying to hit the gym 4
times a week but more consistently hitting it 3 times each week. I am
still training with Christine, who is AMAZING, and I really do feel a
difference if I don't get to the gym for several days. My time limit
appears to be 4 days - if I haven't made it to the gym in 4 days, I start to
have issues sleeping, my eating habits change, my emotional state changes, and
I just feel lousy. That's reason enough to keep me going!
I'm going to post again today, and it's something I've come to realize while
I'm at the gym, but I think the relevance overlaps in many areas of life, least
of all when you are battling a disease like cancer. I hope you enjoy it.
And, I'll try not to let 3 weeks pass until I blog again.
Until then....
Later:
I wanted
to talk a little bit about limitations -those ideas that come into your head,
telling you in perfectly reasonable language how you absolutely cannot
accomplish whatever you are facing, whether it's a weight-loss goal, a report,
childbirth, or simply making it through the next ten minutes.
I realized a couple of weeks ago, while training at the gym with Christine (my
uber-trainer extraordinaire), that she pushes me further than I think I can go,
each and every week. I watch her demonstrate what she wants me to do,
doubting that my body can perform these feats of seemingly impossible strength.
After all, she's a TRAINER - she is strong, lean, and ridiculously fit.
There's no way I can do what she can do, right?
And yet, I try what she asks of me. If she thinks I can do this....maybe
I can. Take last night, for example. We were in the gym, surrounded
by all of these people that are fit and strong, grunting and groaning as they
lift weights. And, here's me, in my yoga pants, Undy 5000 tee shirt,
watching Christine with a very speculative look on my
face.
When I saw her get down on the mat, put a medicine ball under her left hand,
and do a push-up (not on her knees, mind you - up on her tip-toes, in true
push-up style), move the ball to her other hand, do another push-up, then move
the ball to the center and do a tricep-killing push up.....well, let's just say
I had my doubts.
But, since she had faith in me, I tried. And, I succeeded. I did
three sets of 5 reps of each of the above. And, I didn't die. I
even did other things with the evil medicine ball, and was amazed that I could
do those things. I felt so proud of myself - no, I'm not a weight-lifter,
nor am I working towards a goal of being in a fitness show. However, I
was able to do something that, 30 minutes earlier, I never would have said
"Hey - I can do that!"
It has struck me (as it usually does when I'm done with a training session)
that all too often, the limitations I think I have are self-imposed negative
thoughts, not reality. When I think about how or why I can't do
something, I probably won't be able to do it, not because I really can't, but
because I think I can't. When I don't think about what I'm
doing, I'm able to accomplish a lot more. When I don't set my own
limitations, I can really kick some ass.
What other areas of my life can I apply this life lesson to? How can I
teach my children that you should try what you think you can't do? I'm
still working on those - I try to remember the epiphany when I'm doubting my
ability to do something, physical or otherwise.
I also started thinking about how cancer and the ensuing chaos also proves this
theory. How many times have you heard someone say to you, "I could
never go through what you're going/went through"? How many times
have you, yourself, said the very same thing?
Having been put in a situation like that, I know that I CAN make it through
these hard times in life. Because, on some level, I've already done it.
I didn't think about how or why I couldn't survive cancer. I
thought, instead, about how I WOULD survive cancer.
So, Christine, bring it! Help me prove to me that I can do more than I
think I can. And know that, in spite of my cursing at you, I am indebted
to you more than I can ever tell you. You've helped me physically and
mentally. It's something I can never tell you enough.....thank you!
