MAY 23, 2011

Three Years Ago Today

Three years ago today, I heard the three words no one EVER wants to hear:  You have cancer.

Three years ago today, I had to face my mortality and think about what comes after...

Three years ago today, I joined a club that no one wants to become a member of, but one that I'm infinitely proudto be involved in.

Three years ago today, I learned how important awareness colors, rubber bracelets, tee shirts, funny gifts, and a hug are when you're at your lowest.  I learned the strength of having a yellow and blue bracelet on my wrist, and the camaraderie that you can have with someone wearing one, without ever knowing their story or why they are wearing it.

Three years ago today, I was given the opportunity to share this day with my mom, who was born on May 23rd.  In a way, it's an amazing gift - her birthday, and my re-birth day.  Pretty cool!  And, Happy Birthday Mom!  I love you!  I promise to never have another major test on your birthday again!  :)

Three years ago today, my life changed in ways that I am still learning.  I started a journey to become the person I am, and the person I'm much happier being.  I have learned so much about myself - the strength I have, the courage I have, the LOVE I have for people I don't even know.  I've learned the importance of letting the small things go, and focusing on the big picture.  I've learned that material things don't matter - it's the people in your life and how you treat them that will determine the happiness you feel.

Three years ago today - it's hard to imagine that it's been that long.  There are days when I feel like it was just last week that I found out I had colon cancer, and yet, it's a lifetime away.  When I think back on it, and when I read back through my blog, it's mind-boggling how much I went through, and how much support I had/have.  The number of people that rallied around me and supported me were unreal - it was so surprising to have that kind of love, support, and help from all over the world.  It makes me want to be a better person, to make sure that I'm worthy of that kind of love.  It also makes me want to help others as they start/continue their journey, and I feel like having that opportunity makes my diagnosis and treatment much more worthwhile.

Three years ago today, I had to call my parents and tell them that their only daughter had just been diagnosed with colon cancer.  (In all honesty, my husband had to tell my mom, since I was on the phone - two phones, both lines - with the hospital, surgeon, doctor's offices, radiology location, etc.)  I had to call my brothers and tell them, my in-laws, my friends and family.  I had to tell my kids what was going on - how do you explain cancer to a 6 and almost-2 year old?  Hell, how do you explain it to a 31 year old?

Three years ago today, I started what is undoubtedly the longest, hardest, BEST journey of my life.  I wouldn't be the person I am without my cancer diagnosis, and for that I'll always be grateful.  I wouldn't know the people I know without going through this, and I'm so grateful for their presence that I can't regret my diagnosis.  I have been able to become friends with some of the strongest, most amazing people I've ever met.    I have had experiences that NEVER would have come my way otherwise, and my gratitude is unending.

Three years ago today, I was diagnosed with colon cancer.

Three years ago today, I started earning the title "Colon Cancer Ass-Kicker."

Three years ago today, I became a better person.

Imagine what will happen in the next three years.....

Comments:

Carol Pack Urban said...

HECK YEAH! Keep kicking A$$! You are amazing!

May 23, 2011 at 7:13 PM

 Mrs. Buv said...

You amaze me. I am so thankful I know...although I wish it was not because of stupid cancer. :) I love you!!!!!! xoxo

May 23, 2011 at 8:31 PM

 I'm Nic. said...

Love, love, love this post. Congrats on all you have accomplished!

May 24, 2011 at 1:47 PM

 info said...

Michelle,

That's freaking awesome. Great post and your reflections are really insightful - always great to hear inspirational posts! Thanks for sharing.

Pulse of the Patient
http://blogs.pulseofthepatient.com

May 31, 2011 at 6:51 PM

 chaoticfamily said...

Very powerful post! So glad you've given this crap disease such an ass kicking.

Glad you see the positive spin of finding out on your Mom's birthday. We found out on my Mom's birthday that my Dad has colon cancer, then on my birthday he had his re-section. So I find birthday's hard! I think I need to look at them from your perspective from now on! :)

Erinne

June 1, 2011 at 10:38 PM

MAY 17, 2011

Dental Tidbit

Went to the dentist today, and I knew the cavities they found last year were still there.  But, I didn't know that one of the fillings they put in last year wasn't sealed properly, hence the sensitivity I've been having.  *sigh*

So, quick recap - last year, went to the dentist in January, and found out that for the first time in my life, I have cavities.  Not one or two, but several, which can be traced back almost exclusively to the chemo.  Found out that chemo not only inhibits your body's ability to fight infection (never even though that included plaque, etc.), but it also causes dry mouth, which helps plaque and other bacteria in your mouth grow more rapidly.

Stupid cancer.

Dentist today told me that he wishes each cancer patient was told at their first meeting to go to their dentist and get fluoride treatments, which can be done at home and fairly inexpensively, and that this would have almost completely protected me from dental decay.

*mental head slap*

Why isn't this information talked about more freely?  I get that there are WAY more important things to talk about at meetings, but mention it casually and those that care about their dental health might pay heed and actually do something about it...instead of having to deal with three appointments to have fillings (too many for me to feel comfy talking about), gingivectomy (yes - they have to remove some of the gum tissue to get at one - doesn't that sound like fun?), etc.  Good times.  I've never been one to hate the dentist, but I'm getting to that point very quickly.

Having said that, if you or someone you know has been recently diagnosed, PLEASE go talk with your dentist about preventative dental care (not cleanings or x-rays, but fluoride) to try to avoid or minimize the effects of chemo on your pearly whites.

Comments:

Heat said...

There are so many things we should have been told — it's amazing. This is definitely one that should be on the list. So easy to prevent such trouble. But their sole focus is on making the tumor go away... While I appreciate that goal as much as anyone, there's no good reason to disregard everything that may domino from trying to get rid of the tumor. *Especially* in the young crowd. You're going to have your teeth for a long time!

May 17, 2011 at 10:11 PM

MAY 16, 2011

Mid-May

Mid-May, and there's so much to tell you, so I'll try to bullet-point it for you.  Ready?

• We've moved - we made the (not as hard as we thought) decision to let the inevitable happen, and let the house go.  It's a decision we made with the help of housing/mortgage professionals, and it wasn't made hastily.  After much discussion and many late-night conversations, we decided that letting the house go to auction is the best way for us to handle this.  Not our proudest moment, but there you go.  The thing is, we've felt more at peace about this decision than many of the others we've made in the past.  Makes me feel like this is what needs to happen.  Trusting in fate, and hoping for the best.
• The kids are almost done with school - hard to imagine, but it's true.  Kevin's graduation from preschool is tomorrow, and I can't wait to go.  I'm going to cry, I know it.  Julia finished 3rd grade next week, which is unreal.  She's already checked out, mentally, so I'm doing my best to keep her focused long enough to finish her book report this week.  
• Levi's still traveling, but he has a job, so that's good.  My job is steady, and I'm still working to build my business on the side.  Really kicking it into gear this month, and hoping for another great finish.  :)  
• I was contacted by Imerman Angels to become an angel for someone this month.  She's a 30-something recently diagnosed colon cancer survivor, and I'm hoping that I can provide her with some information that might help her through.  It really helps me feel like my journey is worthwhile when I can use the information I've learned to help someone else.  I've also been helping someone at work whose father was recently diagnosed.  
• I can't believe that next week (Monday) is my 3-year cancer-versary.  I feel like I've taken a huge step away from my advocacy lately, and I think for my mental health that is good.  I'm trying to focus on something other than my cancer diagnosis, and start to live past it.  While the cancer will always and forever be an essential part of who I am, I want to find out who I am AFTER cancer.  Having said that, I'm not ever going to stop helping others.  Matter of fact, I worked an event a couple of weeks ago for CCA (it's always so good to get out and talk with others about advocacy, prevention and early detection), and I'm actively working on a few key points of another big event taking place here in February.  So, while I've stepped away, I'm not out by ANY means.

As you can see, it's been a LITTLE busy around here, but we are finally feeling more settled and hopeful.  This month, we celebrate my mom's birthday, Kevin's birthday, next month is Levi's and my birthday, and we have family and friends coming in for a party at the beginning of June, then more the week later and then more later in the month.  :)  Busy time around here, but if you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know that life wouldn't be life without a certain amount of chaos.  

With that, the laundry is buzzing, I have a sick kid to tend to (he's been sick since last night - hoping we are on the mend), and I've got other things to tend to.  More soon!

APRIL 13, 2011

Vim and Vigor Magazine Shoot

Earlier this year, I was contacted by Vim and Vigor, a magazine that has a readership of over 600,000 in the US and Canada - they asked me to take part in a story they plan to run about young adult cancer survivors.  Of course I was in, and I interviewed on the phone that week with a woman named Lisa, who is herself a cancer survivor.  It's always fun to do these type of things - I get to meet new people, get to hear how others handle the situation, and then (hopefully) help make a difference in someone's life.

Last week, I took part in the photo shoot for the story, and I wanted to post some pictures.  These aren't the finals - these were taken by Helene, another survivor on the shoot. 

The three survivors - Helene, Doug and I.  Doug and I met previously with our work with The Wellness Community, so it was fun to see him again and get to know him better.  I had never met Helene, but am so glad I did.  She's a spitfire with a TON of energy, and truly an inspiration!

Shots of me - it was funny, they asked us to bring a variety of clothes. which I did.  Apparently, they didn't like what I brought :( so they went out and bought new clothes for me to try. :)  I asked if this is what happens on shoots, and they said it is.  Hmph - must be what supermodels feel like.  Sort of.  In a very roundabout way.  And, they let me keep the outfit.  SCORE!

 A preliminary, not-final-at-all mock-up of the potential photo for the story.  Obviously, photoshopped, but OH SO COOL!  I cannot wait to see the final results - they are supposed to email us a pdf of the story and final cut.  Can't wait!  Apparently, the magazine will be released in August, so we should have the story soon.   Amazing what cancer can lead you to....

Comments:

Heat said...

EXCITING!!

I was in Spirit of Women, but they used a photo that had already been taken.

Photo shoot! Fun fun fun!

Can't wait to see the article!!!!

April 13, 2011 at 9:06 AM

 Bum Luxury said...

Cute outfit:) I love free stuff!

May 13, 2011 at 8:53 PM

Later:

Birthday Baby Girl

Happy Birthday to my gorgeous daughter, Julia.  She turns 9 today, and I couldn't be more proud of the person she's become.  It's been a blast watching her grow up, and I'm so glad to be here to see her continue to become this amazing little lady!

Levi was home the last two days (he had to go to CA today), so we decided to start celebrating Jules' birthday early.  He filled her bedroom with balloons.  Over 380 of them. 

The soon-to-be-birthday girl with her brother in the balloon-filled room! 

As you can see, her room was filled - she didn't even have a place to sleep!  So, the balloon migration (to Kevin's room) began.  Levi set up a fan, put some balloons in the hallway, and let the fan do the work.  Jules' then routed the balloons into Kevin's room.  :)

Levi trying to stack the balloons into a mountain, so Julia could get to bed.  

This morning, Julia was up REALLY early, which had me worried since today is also the first day of standardized testing.  *sigh*  But, I made her a great breakfast, she got to open her first gift (the nifty birthday shirt and tiara, as well as bracelets and lip-gloss-rings) and get ready for the BIG DAY!

Tonight, my parents and I will take the kids out for Julia's birthday, and I'm still debating if she's going to go to karate tonight.  I'm going to decide last-minute, based on her energy level.  I'm also meeting Julia at school and delivering a good punch of sugar after the kids have lunch (cupcakes), which should be fun.  :)

This weekend, she's having a friend over for a low-key party.  We're heading to Build-A-Bear for a celebration, then back to the house for what I'm sure will be a full night!  

Comments:

chaoticfamily said...

Happy Birthday to your girl. My son turns 9 this summer.

Thank-you for sharing your story about your cancer fight! I found your blog via beingcancer.net... My Dad's fighting stage 3B colorectal cancer and it's been quite the emotional roller coaster ride for us all. Take care!

Erinne

May 13, 2011 at 4:47 PM

MARCH 30, 2011

Happy Hump Day!

I had someone ask me how things are, and mention that they hadn't read the blog in a while; they were going to head back on over here to catch up. . Hard to catch up if I don't post anything.  And, thus, this post was born.

Things have been busy.  Very busy.  My brother, sister-in-law and niece came to AZ earlier this month, and I was able to spend some time with them and just enjoy the time they had here.  The kids all got along really well - Bella is 20 months old, and both of our kids took such good care of her,  It was so nice to see, and the house seems quiet without them here, though I'm not sure my parents would agree!  :)

Speaking of my parents, they are moving into their new house this weekend.  They decided to get a bigger place with a pool, and found one that met their needs.  It's a gorgeous house, and they seem really happy there.  Dad is doing well, and is anxiously anticipating his upcoming scans.  I am probably the one person that can totally understand what he's feeling, at least in our family.  It's terrifying, but you deal with it.

I'm doing well.  I quit Lowe's earlier this month - it was killing me, working 7 days a week.  It was hard on my body physically, and it was difficult at best mentally and emotionally.  So, after some thought and much discussion with Levi, I quit and am now pursuing another idea.  It's something I'm very excited about - if you want to hear more about it (I don't want to cross personal and professional here), comment here and I'll get back with you.

Other than that, we are in the planning stages for Julia's upcoming 9th (gulp) birthday.  Her party will be very low-key this year.  I've promised her something big for next year.  We'll be doing a bigger celebration for Kevin this year.  I'm planning for it to be a joint party - a celebration of my little man's 5th birthday, my mom's birthday, and my 3-year cancer-versary.  I think it will be fun - we'll see what happens.

Financial difficulties continue to plague, but we are working that.  This new opportunity should help significantly, so hope is back.  It's so nice to have time with my family back, and time for me to get back to center personally.

I hope all is well with you out there.  I'll try to be more diligent....