AUGUST 27, 2010

A year ago today....

...an angel went home.  It's hard to believe that it has been a year since Kim passed away.  I just don't know how it's been this long - it seems like yesterday.  And yet, so much has happened since then.  Time plays horrible tricks on the mind.

Tonight, some folks will be at the cemetary to have a kind of memorial service over Kim's gravestone.  After that, we are heading back to Nan's house (Kim's mom) for a Mexican potluck and some reminiscing.  It should be nice - Julia's going to join me.  Levi's going to keep Kevin with him - that will help, a lot.  Levi still doesn't feel comfortable going to Kim-related events (and, I totally understand), so this will be good for Julia and me.  I'm nervous about how my little girl is going to take this, but I think we need to do it together.

At 2:21pm local time today, there are a large group of people that will be holding a moment of silence for Kim - remembering the moment that Kim was finally free from the hurt, the pain, the suffering, and the cancer.

I just spent some time looking at the facebook postings.  It's so hard, knowing we are all hurting today.  Yet, it's a beautiful thing.   To have died having so much love surround you - can a person want for anything more?

So many people surrounded Kim in her life and in her death - friends and family, people who only knew her online, people who donated to fundraisers and advocacy events.  She was the type of person that people seem drawn to - the kind of person you want to be your friend.  It's a gift she had, and one that I'm grateful to have benefitted from.  Her friendship provided me with so many lessons and gifts and blessings that I can't possibly begin to name them all.

Kim was with me last weekend - as I was hoping she would be.  She showed up in the form of a HUGE dragonfly kite at the Austin airport as I was departing the airplane, then in the manner of well over 100 dragonflies as the weekend wore on - it was amazing.  My friend Sharon said she's never seen so many of them in Austin - I was happy about that.  Kim was there with me.  I wouldn't have had it any other way.

So, even though she can't be here in the physical sense that we can touch her and hug her and talk with her and feel her warmth, I know that she's here with us all.  She guides us, laughs with us, celebrates with us, chides us, and mourns with us.  I know she'll be doing a little bit of each tonight.  I certainly will be. It's going to be very difficult - but, we'll make it through, and keep on.

*sigh*  This is so much harder than I thought it would be.  I hate cancer.

AUGUST 26, 2010

LiveSTRONG Headquarters

I was given the privilege over this past weekend to attend a young adult cancer survivors retreat in Austin, TX.  This retreat was put on by Planet Cancer (please go to their website if you haven't already) and LiveSTRONG.  I wasn't sure I'd be able to go, but with some coordination and help from amazing people (thanks, Levin, Sharon and Phil), I was able to make it work.

One of my best friends, Sharon, lives in Austin, so I flew out on Thursday afternoon to spend the night and Friday with her and her family.  Sharon and her 4 yr-old daughter picked me up from airport, and we went to meet up with her husband and other daughter.  It was so much fun to catch up with them, get to know both girls, and in general, relax.  I love having friends where, in spite of not having seen one another in more than three years, it's as if no time has passed.

After much fun searching for a LiveSTRONG bracelet on Friday (mine broke Thursday as I was taking it off!!!), meeting up with some guys at the local running store, and an amazing lunch at the Hula Hut (yum!), Sharon dropped me off at the LiveSTRONG headquarters in Austin.  And, thus started the next part of my adventure.

I debated going into the details of the office building, and realized that this post is already going to be long enough and so I'll spare you the minutia (but not pictures).  Suffice it to say that the building is one I'd L-O-V-E to work in - it's a renovated paper mill warehouse, and they have taken parts of the old roof to make conference rooms, kept the flooring the same, etc.  It's a green building, and just beautiful.  

Walking into the front door, this greets you.  AWESOME!

Sitting in the reception area, getting to know some of the other survivors on this retreat.  We were all VERY picture happy!  Unfortunately, all of the retreat folks weren't there, but it was amazing to get to spend this special time with these folks. 

I saw this and couldn't resist snapping a photo. 

The building is full of art - pieces of Lance's personal collection (yes, I refer to him as Lance - he's a friend....in my dreams), pieces that have been donated, etc.  This one is a piece made for Lance out of bicycles - each piece represents a part of Lance's life.  The story starts with the yellow bike, which has symbols on it representing his battle with cancer and his journey to survivorship.  The others represent his wins in the Tour, birth of his children, etc.  And, it rotates! 

Looking from the back of the building towards the front reception area.  The conference rooms are all built out of recycled wood form the ceiling (they removed 3/4 of the roof and added the skylights, then reused the wood!).  And, the conference rooms all have open tops and/or windows on at least one side, representing the openness of the office, the organization, and the transparency of the people.

Another view of the office.

This is a piece of Lance's personal art collection.  Some of the folks working at LS don't care for it to be near their work space.  The concept behind it is that t represents how cancer affects you - they painted several layers on the canvas, then tore pieces away.  It looks busy, and it is, but I loved this piece, esp. the meaning.  Up close, it was extremely powerful (and I'm not an art kind of person). 

In the cafe area of the building, they have the table where the idea for LiveSTRONG and the Lance Armstrong Foundation were born.  When they moved into this building, the restaurant, Z Tejas, donated the table and chairs that birthed this amazing movement.  I had to sit in Lance's chair and get a picture.  Do you blame me?

I loved this - it was off in a corner, and I thought it perfectly represents the community that cancer brings together.  We ARE more than one, yet we're all in the same fight. 

I saw this poster on one of the cubes.  I want.  I want desperately. 

Oh yes - these are THE jerseys.  Lance wore these during each of the Tour de France races he won.  They are behind glass, so we couldn't touch.  I touched the glass - does that count? 

One of the final things we did before leaving the LiveSTRONG offices to head up to the retreat was to go into the not-yet-opened SurvivorCare center (I hope I got that name right).  LiveSTRONG offers survivors at all stages assistance through the web and on the phone, to help guide you through the confusion of medical insurance, assistance finding local help, talking with someone about what you're going through, etc.  They have a TON of resources that I didn't know about - did you know that they offer classes for nurses as well as guidance and class room instruction for teachers, based on grade level?  Anyways, this was in the section of the soon-to-be-opened in-person SurvivorCare center, which will allow survivors in Austin the chance to go into the center and talk with someone one-on-one, rather than talking with them on the phone or via the internet.  I talked with them about maybe getting one established here in Phoenix.  I think I'm aiming high, but I've not been known to do less than that, so why stop now?

I think I'll end this post with this picture, and start the next one up with the retreat itself. 

*sigh*  I miss Austin already. 

Comments:

mtbikernate said...

no kidding! this is awful late. Hahaha.

What a great retreat, though! Nice to meet another Cancer to 5k participant there. It was great meeting you!

September 19, 2010 at 9:18 PM

AUGUST 17, 2010

Has it been almost a month?!?!

So, I suck at updating this blog, apparently.  I am sorry.  I will try to make this better from here on out.

:-)

I don't think I have much to update.  Well, that's not right.  The kids are home (!!!).  It was SO good to have them back home, though a bit of a change.  Their laughter and noise and mess makes the house seem like home, which is really all I want for all of us.  It's been a wonderful time having them back - they were so happy to be home.

Both Julia and Kevin started school last week.  Julia started third grade, and is in a new school.  We still have some concerns about her schooling, but we are hoping that this new school will help us get her to where she needs to be.  It's tough having to fight every year for your kid, but I wouldn't NOT do it - I need to make sure that she gets what she needs, and if being a pain in a teacher's butt is the only way to get it done, then so be it.

*ahem*

Kevin is happily starting another year in preschool.  He has made SO MUCH progress that it's unreal.  He loves his teacher and his bus driver/aide (they are much better than last year's folks).  Hopefully this is maintained all year long.

Aren't they getting BIG?!?!  It blows my mind when I look at these pictures.  Where did these kids come from, and where did my babies go?  (Honestly, my babies are still here - I love them at this age - they are old enough to do some things on their own, but still call me Mommy and need me.  It's perfect....)

Did I tell you that I got the results from my colonoscopy back?  The reason they pulled my retest date back in (from 3 years to 1 year) is that the polyps they found were adenomas, meaning that they were the potentially pre-cancerous type.  Blech.  Bastard cancer.  BRING IT! 

I haven't yet had my follow up with my onco - that's next week.  They've rescheduled my appointment three times now, and I finally told them that if they pushed it one more time, I was going to take my cancer business elsewhere.  Miraculously, they were able to fit me in.  Imagine that.

What else?  OH!  I leave on Thursday to head to Austin, TX, for a LiveSTRONG young adult cancer survivor retreat.  I am SO SO SO excited.  My best friend Sharon lives in Austin, so I'm flying in on Thursday afternoon to spend the night with her and her family.  We'll spend most of Friday together, but then she's going to drop me off at the LiveSTRONG headquarters for a tour.  There are about 25 other ppl attending the retreat, and about 6 or 7 of us attending the tour.  Maybe we'll run into Lance....hardly likely, but a girl can hope.  :-)  I have already been in contact with some of the folks attending, and I cannot wait to meet them in person.  It's going to be an amazing weekend.

Beyond that, Undy 5000 planning is well underway.  We have an amazing line-up of things happening, including appearances by local celebrities, local sports mascots (Phoenix Suns gorilla, etc.), bounce houses, face painting, etc.  It's going to be a wonderful event, and while it's a ton of work, if we help ONE person, then it's all worth it.  Have you signed up yet? http://www.undy5000.com/

What else?  Levi's job is going, well, he's working (not getting paid, but he's working).  We'll know more about specifics (like getting paid) next month.  There is a game plan, but I'll elaborate more once it's all in place.  I've become very superstitious lately, and I don't want to jinx anything.

It's hard to imagine that we are coming up on the anniversary of Kim's death next week.  So much has happened since she's been gone, but her legacy lives on in ways that I don't think she could have ever imagined.  I miss her terribly, and I've been thinking about her a lot (there have been dragonflies all over the place).  I try to remember what she taught me, what she made me realize, and how I can make myself a better person for having known her.  *sigh*  I hate effing cancer.  I want to celebrate more remissions and no more deaths, but I have to be honest with myself and remember that I've chosen this path - I'm going to lose some friends.  I need to let this fuel my passion and fire.  It still sucks.

One last picture - as you know, the Tour de France was last month.  Lance Armstrong didn't win, but he made a hell of an impact on the last day by (well, he and his entire team) wearing a non-sanctioned jersey with the number 28, honoring the 28 million cancer survivors worldwide. Very awesome.

Along the route of the TdF, Nike sponsored  the chalkbot, which chalked messages of inspiration along the race route.  Facebook had a page where you could submit a message for consideration.  I submitted mine, and it was chalked along the very route that Lance and team road, inspiring millions of us.  How COOL is this?  I was so proud - it's a very little thing, and surely no one in France paid attention to it.  I imagine that it didn't mean much to anyone else besides me.  But, here you go.  

This is my Summer de Lance, apparently. LiveSTRONG event, Ulman/LiveSTRONG Cancer-to-5k Training (which is going swimmingly, by the way), and this. Viva la Lance!  And, Viva la Michelle!

Comments:

dr.gregory b. harris said...

michelle-did any of your doctors ever teach you how to fight cancer with food? no chemo, rad, or other drugs are needed. please consider contacting me. i teach my patients how to prevent/reverse cancer and other chronic diseases and think i can be of benefit to you and your family. 775 223 8260 dr.gbh

August 20, 2010 at 8:07 PM