MAY 23, 2011

Three Years Ago Today

Three years ago today, I heard the three words no one EVER wants to hear:  You have cancer.

Three years ago today, I had to face my mortality and think about what comes after...

Three years ago today, I joined a club that no one wants to become a member of, but one that I'm infinitely proudto be involved in.

Three years ago today, I learned how important awareness colors, rubber bracelets, tee shirts, funny gifts, and a hug are when you're at your lowest.  I learned the strength of having a yellow and blue bracelet on my wrist, and the camaraderie that you can have with someone wearing one, without ever knowing their story or why they are wearing it.

Three years ago today, I was given the opportunity to share this day with my mom, who was born on May 23rd.  In a way, it's an amazing gift - her birthday, and my re-birth day.  Pretty cool!  And, Happy Birthday Mom!  I love you!  I promise to never have another major test on your birthday again!  :)

Three years ago today, my life changed in ways that I am still learning.  I started a journey to become the person I am, and the person I'm much happier being.  I have learned so much about myself - the strength I have, the courage I have, the LOVE I have for people I don't even know.  I've learned the importance of letting the small things go, and focusing on the big picture.  I've learned that material things don't matter - it's the people in your life and how you treat them that will determine the happiness you feel.

Three years ago today - it's hard to imagine that it's been that long.  There are days when I feel like it was just last week that I found out I had colon cancer, and yet, it's a lifetime away.  When I think back on it, and when I read back through my blog, it's mind-boggling how much I went through, and how much support I had/have.  The number of people that rallied around me and supported me were unreal - it was so surprising to have that kind of love, support, and help from all over the world.  It makes me want to be a better person, to make sure that I'm worthy of that kind of love.  It also makes me want to help others as they start/continue their journey, and I feel like having that opportunity makes my diagnosis and treatment much more worthwhile.

Three years ago today, I had to call my parents and tell them that their only daughter had just been diagnosed with colon cancer.  (In all honesty, my husband had to tell my mom, since I was on the phone - two phones, both lines - with the hospital, surgeon, doctor's offices, radiology location, etc.)  I had to call my brothers and tell them, my in-laws, my friends and family.  I had to tell my kids what was going on - how do you explain cancer to a 6 and almost-2 year old?  Hell, how do you explain it to a 31 year old?

Three years ago today, I started what is undoubtedly the longest, hardest, BEST journey of my life.  I wouldn't be the person I am without my cancer diagnosis, and for that I'll always be grateful.  I wouldn't know the people I know without going through this, and I'm so grateful for their presence that I can't regret my diagnosis.  I have been able to become friends with some of the strongest, most amazing people I've ever met.    I have had experiences that NEVER would have come my way otherwise, and my gratitude is unending.

Three years ago today, I was diagnosed with colon cancer.

Three years ago today, I started earning the title "Colon Cancer Ass-Kicker."

Three years ago today, I became a better person.

Imagine what will happen in the next three years.....

Comments:

Carol Pack Urban said...

HECK YEAH! Keep kicking A$$! You are amazing!

May 23, 2011 at 7:13 PM

 Mrs. Buv said...

You amaze me. I am so thankful I know...although I wish it was not because of stupid cancer. :) I love you!!!!!! xoxo

May 23, 2011 at 8:31 PM

 I'm Nic. said...

Love, love, love this post. Congrats on all you have accomplished!

May 24, 2011 at 1:47 PM

 info said...

Michelle,

That's freaking awesome. Great post and your reflections are really insightful - always great to hear inspirational posts! Thanks for sharing.

Pulse of the Patient
http://blogs.pulseofthepatient.com

May 31, 2011 at 6:51 PM

 chaoticfamily said...

Very powerful post! So glad you've given this crap disease such an ass kicking.

Glad you see the positive spin of finding out on your Mom's birthday. We found out on my Mom's birthday that my Dad has colon cancer, then on my birthday he had his re-section. So I find birthday's hard! I think I need to look at them from your perspective from now on! :)

Erinne

June 1, 2011 at 10:38 PM

MAY 17, 2011

Dental Tidbit

Went to the dentist today, and I knew the cavities they found last year were still there.  But, I didn't know that one of the fillings they put in last year wasn't sealed properly, hence the sensitivity I've been having.  *sigh*

So, quick recap - last year, went to the dentist in January, and found out that for the first time in my life, I have cavities.  Not one or two, but several, which can be traced back almost exclusively to the chemo.  Found out that chemo not only inhibits your body's ability to fight infection (never even though that included plaque, etc.), but it also causes dry mouth, which helps plaque and other bacteria in your mouth grow more rapidly.

Stupid cancer.

Dentist today told me that he wishes each cancer patient was told at their first meeting to go to their dentist and get fluoride treatments, which can be done at home and fairly inexpensively, and that this would have almost completely protected me from dental decay.

*mental head slap*

Why isn't this information talked about more freely?  I get that there are WAY more important things to talk about at meetings, but mention it casually and those that care about their dental health might pay heed and actually do something about it...instead of having to deal with three appointments to have fillings (too many for me to feel comfy talking about), gingivectomy (yes - they have to remove some of the gum tissue to get at one - doesn't that sound like fun?), etc.  Good times.  I've never been one to hate the dentist, but I'm getting to that point very quickly.

Having said that, if you or someone you know has been recently diagnosed, PLEASE go talk with your dentist about preventative dental care (not cleanings or x-rays, but fluoride) to try to avoid or minimize the effects of chemo on your pearly whites.

Comments:

Heat said...

There are so many things we should have been told — it's amazing. This is definitely one that should be on the list. So easy to prevent such trouble. But their sole focus is on making the tumor go away... While I appreciate that goal as much as anyone, there's no good reason to disregard everything that may domino from trying to get rid of the tumor. *Especially* in the young crowd. You're going to have your teeth for a long time!

May 17, 2011 at 10:11 PM

MAY 16, 2011

Mid-May

Mid-May, and there's so much to tell you, so I'll try to bullet-point it for you.  Ready?

• We've moved - we made the (not as hard as we thought) decision to let the inevitable happen, and let the house go.  It's a decision we made with the help of housing/mortgage professionals, and it wasn't made hastily.  After much discussion and many late-night conversations, we decided that letting the house go to auction is the best way for us to handle this.  Not our proudest moment, but there you go.  The thing is, we've felt more at peace about this decision than many of the others we've made in the past.  Makes me feel like this is what needs to happen.  Trusting in fate, and hoping for the best.
• The kids are almost done with school - hard to imagine, but it's true.  Kevin's graduation from preschool is tomorrow, and I can't wait to go.  I'm going to cry, I know it.  Julia finished 3rd grade next week, which is unreal.  She's already checked out, mentally, so I'm doing my best to keep her focused long enough to finish her book report this week.  
• Levi's still traveling, but he has a job, so that's good.  My job is steady, and I'm still working to build my business on the side.  Really kicking it into gear this month, and hoping for another great finish.  :)  
• I was contacted by Imerman Angels to become an angel for someone this month.  She's a 30-something recently diagnosed colon cancer survivor, and I'm hoping that I can provide her with some information that might help her through.  It really helps me feel like my journey is worthwhile when I can use the information I've learned to help someone else.  I've also been helping someone at work whose father was recently diagnosed.  
• I can't believe that next week (Monday) is my 3-year cancer-versary.  I feel like I've taken a huge step away from my advocacy lately, and I think for my mental health that is good.  I'm trying to focus on something other than my cancer diagnosis, and start to live past it.  While the cancer will always and forever be an essential part of who I am, I want to find out who I am AFTER cancer.  Having said that, I'm not ever going to stop helping others.  Matter of fact, I worked an event a couple of weeks ago for CCA (it's always so good to get out and talk with others about advocacy, prevention and early detection), and I'm actively working on a few key points of another big event taking place here in February.  So, while I've stepped away, I'm not out by ANY means.

As you can see, it's been a LITTLE busy around here, but we are finally feeling more settled and hopeful.  This month, we celebrate my mom's birthday, Kevin's birthday, next month is Levi's and my birthday, and we have family and friends coming in for a party at the beginning of June, then more the week later and then more later in the month.  :)  Busy time around here, but if you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know that life wouldn't be life without a certain amount of chaos.  

With that, the laundry is buzzing, I have a sick kid to tend to (he's been sick since last night - hoping we are on the mend), and I've got other things to tend to.  More soon!