AUGUST 31, 2011

8th PET Scan

If I counted correctly, today was my 8th PET scan since being diagnosed.  At some point, I'm sure being injected with radioactive sugar and sitting in a PET machine for 30 minutes will come back to haunt me.  Meantime, I'm grateful for this fairly non-invasive test, since it gives us all a good idea of what's going on (or, better - what's NOT going on) inside my body.

Not eating or drinking in the A.M. sucks - I'm a breakfast eater, and a coffee drinker, so not doing those two things always makes for a bad morning.  However, I'm okay now - an emergency trip to Dunkin Donuts post-PET made things much better.  *happy Michelle*

Not sure yet how the test went - well, results-wise.  Test is always easy.  Of the ones I've had to go through, this is the one I don't mind.  One injection, done.  Well, I don't like the smell/taste of the saline they put into my veins, but I'll deal.  :)

Hoping I hear back from the dr with a thumbs-up report soon.  The last two times I was in with this PET tech, he let me look at the results before I left.  This time, he ushered me out and wished me good luck with everything.  I'm *hoping* that this is all just coincidence and that nothing glowed that wan't supposed to.  I'm also anxious about this change of pace, since I was looking forward to an all-clear from him before I left.

I'm doing my best not to worry, but my hourly calls from Levi (who's currently in CA) aren't helping, asking if I heard anything.  With what happened over the last couple of months, we are both really nervous about the outcome of today's appointment.  And so, we wait in earnest, checking the phone every 5 or 10 minutes to make sure I didn't miss a phone call from the dr.

I hate waiting.  I'm not a very patient person, and tend to look at things in the worst-case scenario way, with the hopes that when the news comes back not-so-bad, I'm happy.  Here's hoping my twisted self-psychology works this time, too.  

Comments:

Tina said...

Thinking of you Michelle! Hope the doc doesn't make you wait too long before getting the "all clear"!

August 31, 2011 at 5:55 PM

 Carol Pack Urban said...

I do the very same thing, Michelle. I hate waiting for the results.

August 31, 2011 at 8:22 PM

AUGUST 29, 2011

PET Scan Scheduled

Never before have I been so happy to get a PET scan.

With what I've been going through with the other stuff (see previous post), and with the ultrasound on Friday revealing NOTHING, I'm at a loss. I'll feel much better when I get a clear PET scan.  It's that time of the year anyways, so I'm grateful that I don't need to go in for any unscheduled testing.

Wednesday morning is when I'll be in, getting injected with radioactive sugar and waiting for the *hopefully good* results.

Wish me luck!

Comments:

Tina said...

I'll be thinking of you!

August 29, 2011 at 11:18 AM

AUGUST 23, 2011

Sometimes, the internet is evil...

Without getting into too much detail, I've been having some female issues, and since they've lasted for a couple of months, I went to the dr yesterday to see if we could come up with a cause and solution.  In typical me fashion, I did some research beforehand to see if I could get an idea what I was facing.

Did you know that googling can be dangerous to your mental well-being?

When I searched my symptoms, the C word we all dread was front and center.  Not colon, but ovaraian cancer.  And, my mind immediately went into full-on panic mode.  I knew better, so I relaxed, cleared my search engine, and went about looking at symptoms of ovarian cancer, whether there is a link between the two, etc.  There is, but I still tried to keep my mind and my what-ifs in check.  After a few more searches, I decided that this wasn't healthy and to just wait until I got to the drs.  I had written my concerns down before I did any searches, to make sure I wouldn't taint what I told her with what I had just read.

The good news is that she didn't find anything obvious that would be causing my problems.  That is also the bad news.  I go in on Friday for a pelvic ultrasound to see if my ovaries are in overdrive, if there is a cyst, or if there is something else causing the almost unbearable pain I was having earlier this month (which, by the way, isn't associated with my monthly visitor....see?  How do I go into this without revealing too much information?).

Unfortunately, I'll be waiting until Friday (or later) to hear back on my u/s results.  If there is nothing obvious causing the issues I'm having, then we start looking at ways to stop my body from ovulating, etc because according to the doctor, "Sometimes when women hit that magical age range of 35-45, their bodies start changing things up with no reason."  And, with that, I cursed (again) my recent 35th birthday.  We didn't talk about what happens if they find something.  Isn't that a happy thought?

So, the purpose of this blathering TMI post?  To highlight a couple of things:

A) being in tune with your body is beyond important - recognizing the signals your body gives to you (even if you don't know what they mean) can save your life.  In this case, my body has decided that sending me into a pain-induced coma for 5 days is a good way to get my attention.  I'm not impressed, but I got the message.

B) Researching unknown potential causes of something may be a good idea, if you're trying to diagnose a rash that's visible or why you're child has bugs in their hair.  If you're trying to research vague symptoms and the potential results cause you to have to breathe into a paper bag just to catch your breathe - probably not a good idea.

C) As a cancer survivor, it's essential to keep your doctors in check and remind them of what you've been through.  My paperwork at this OB/GYN's office is covered with stickers, paperwork and my own person declaration on the intake forms that I'm a cancer survivor.  When I was talking with the doctor yesterday, we went through my litany of symptoms and potential causes before I said, "You know, as a colon cancer survivor, I'm concerned about the potential link between colon cancer and ovarian/uterine cancer."  Her head snapped up, her eyes got real wide, and she became very interested in my medical history.  Sometimes, saying what you think is blatantly obvious is the only way it gets noticed.

D) Keeping your body healthy and in good shape will help you out in so many ways.  I know that I'm not a super athlete, and I'm well aware that I won't be competing for the Mrs. America pageant anytime soon.  I'm okay with this. I'm also okay with the fact that I can confidently say that between my supplements, regular exercise, and eating right, I've given my body a pretty good arsenal to pull from.  I understand I'm not perfect, but I know my body is healthier than it was when I was diagnosed in May of 2008.  That makes me proud.

I'll try to remember to keep you all updated.  In the meantime, here's to a pain-free week!

Comments:

Tina said...

It's always a good idea to get things checked out. You know your body best. Funny how those docs pay attention when you've had a cancer diagnosis! I've heard doctors say a few times "with your history....", meaning "because you've had cancer we better run a bunch of tests we wouldn't normally do to make sure it's not more cancer". The fun never ends! :)

August 23, 2011 at 11:32 AM

 jnwhiteh said...

The first 5 minutes with every single doctor I meet with is consumed by me bringing them up to speed on my history and my family history in order to ensure they're in the right frame of mind going whatever we're looking at.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having more issues, but I'll be here for you regardless of what happens!

August 24, 2011 at 1:46 AM

 Carol Pack Urban said...

I so agree with all the comments. No one pays attention to your health like you do. I sometimes wonder just why the heck they have us fill out those intake forms and all those little checklists if they're not going to actually READ them! UGG!!!!!

August 24, 2011 at 9:21 PM

AUGUST 19, 2011

'Bout that time...

So, this week I realized that I have an upcoming appointment with the oncologist, and yet I haven't had my PET or my colonoscopy.  I called the onco's office, and apparently my health insurance is being a little more difficult about approving the referrals for these tests.  The doctor's back-office coordinator has submitted the request 4 times, and each time the insurance company keeps coming back with a reason why they need her to re-submit.  Not good.

Not sure yet what this means, but it has me a little worried.  I'm just hoping that I hear something back soon.  As it is, I had to reschedule my appt with my doctor to accommodate the push-out of the PET and colonoscopy.  I'm hoping this doesn't keep pushing out.  I really don't like having the tests done (well, the colonoscopy more than the PET), but I'm much happier knowing that we are on top of everything and being proactive, rather than waiting for something to surface and then trying to figure out what's causing the issue.  I get so nervous this time of year, and the waiting is by far the worst part.  Well, unless I get bad news, which will obviously trump the waiting.

Anywhoo, I'll be making yet another phone call to the drs office today, in the hopes of getting an answer on when I can get my tests done.

*sigh*

I can't wait until I can go two years between these things.  But, I have to have a clean colonoscopy three years in a row to allow that to happen, and I haven't even had one.

Stupid cancer.  I just want to live my life.

Wait - I am!  Take that, cancer!

Comments:

Carole said...

Awww Michelle,

Really sorry to hear that you have to have this added stress. As if the actual tests aren't already stressful enough...

Here in the UK we don't have the insurance issues that you guys have, as long as the Doc says you need this test, you get it.
However I'm sure our current government would change things if only they could.

I'll be hoping for the cleanest, clearest colon ever for you - keep us posted
Much luv xxxx

August 19, 2011 at 1:41 PM

 Whidbey Woman said...

Hope all works out! Ron has a scan Sept 1st. So we share similar anxiety.

August 21, 2011 at 1:53 PM

AUGUST 16, 2011

Soap Box....Again, and other things.

Two articles managed to piss me off this morning.

This one tells of the decision by the mayor of New York City to exclude first responders from the 9/11 ceremony this year.  They have been specifically excluded.  In past year, they weren't invited, but they weren't turned away when they showed up - they were allowed to attend, mourn, remember, and heal.  This year, they can't attend.  Apparently, Bloomberg has decided that it's morally okay to exclude these heroes due to space constraints.  Really?  Hard to imagine.  I think that it probably has more to do with the fact that they don't want the ceremonies to be tainted with the in-your-face reality that the very people that helped save countless lives and recover the bodies of those killed that day are now suffering unimaginable health problems, from PTSD to cancer.  And, they don't want the ceremonies to be a reminder of the fact that the government is denying those first responders coverage for their cancer, on the basis that there isn't enough documentation to prove that there is a direct link.

Can you see the steam coming out of my ears?  My blood is BOILING!  As the daughter and sister of fire fighters, and as someone who has many, many friends that risk their lives daily trying to keep us all safe (fire fighters, police officers, etc.), I am beyond livid that this is considered a valid reason to a) deny these people coverage, and b) deny these people their rightful place at the ceremonies to remember, honor, and mourn what happened 10 years ago next month.

The other article that got me going this morning was in regards to the stage-four breast cancer survivor in North Carolina that just custody of her two children on the basis (at least in large part) that her cancer diagnosis is unknown and that the children are better off with the healthy parent than they are with the ill parent.

*sigh*

I really have tried to see this from all sides.  I understand that there are so many other facets of decision making that must go into a decision like this.  I also understand that since I'm not one of the parties directly involved in this decision, I can't possible know all of the details.  Having said that, to use a person's cancer diagnosis as the justification for taking the children (who have been in the primary custody of the mother for the majority of their lives, based on what I've read) away from their mother is terrifying, infuriating, and a downright #$*(#&$ SHAME.  I can't imagine what kind of precedence this sets, but as a cancer survivor, it absolutely terrifies me.  I've never felt much discrimination (or threat thereof) in my life - I've been very lucky in that sense.  However, having this looming beings all sorts of emotions to the surface, and makes me seriously rethink some of my own personal beliefs.

On a lighter note, I'd like to update you on roomie, a.k.a. Eden.  My last post asked for your prayers - well, I'm so happy to let you all know that Eden is now home, and is working towards recovery.  She walked the other day, is in PT and OT, as well as other rehab therapies, and is currently seeking acceptance into Sloan-Kettering in NYC (stupid Bloomberg....ahem) to try a new therapy.  Good news - such good news.

And, with that, I'll end this blog post.  Another one is soon to follow - you'll see why they need to be separate.  :)  

Later:

New School Year

Somehow, the summer flew by and it's that time of year again - school started yesterday!  I'm not really sure how it happened, but I now have two school-age kids. 

Julia started fourth grade yesterday.

Kevin started kindergarten yesterday.

My babies are growing up.  

Can you believe how bug they are getting?  

Yesterday was one of the first times Levi has been in town to see Julia off on her first day of school.  I'm so glad he was able to be here, especially since it was Kevin's first day of kindergarten.  We were both able to take the kids to school, hang out with them as they got the lay of the land, as Jules found long-lost (well, since May) friends, as Kevin started navigating the playground and tentatively meeting new friends.  And, Levi was there to hold me as we walked off campus and I shed a few tears, realizing that my babies are, indeed, only babies to me.  

Part of the reason that I was crying was that I inevitably thought back to this time three years ago.  I took Julia to her first day of second grade - we had moved that spring, and she was starting a new school.  It was also the first year I had to talk with other parents about my cancer diagnosis.  It was the year I had to go into her teacher and go into pretty extensive detail what I was going through, so that she'd understand the inevitable changes that Julia would be going through over the next couple of months.  It was the year that Julia kept green army men on her desk when I was in chemo, as a reminder of why Mommy wasn't feeling too good that day.  *sigh*

It's amazing to me to look back at where I was three years ago.  Trying to make it all work - chemo, side effects, work, kids, etc.  I had help, but even now, thinking about what I was going through is exhausting.  To know that I can now, thanks to what I went through, be free to do what I want - well, it's pretty freaking amazing.

So, yes, there were tears shed.  I think the most of them were shed when I realized, with a thump in my chest, that if I hadn't been tested, I wouldn't be here to see this happen.  I wouldn't be around to get my kids dressed, to pack their lunches, to send them off with hugs, kisses, and a few salty tears.

How's that for a pretty amazing thing to think about?  

The kids wanted a picture making funny faces - I obliged.  Jules is crossing her eyes, and Kevin's being goofy.  This is the perfect picture of them.  :)  

Comments:

blog said...

I love her haircut! And I am always impressed by the green army men, no matter how many times I hear/read about them. Such a great, tangible reminder!

And it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway — the four of you aren't the only ones glad you stuck around to see them off to school yesterday! Here's to health!

August 17, 2011 at 9:24 AM