Friday, July 26, 2013

JULY 26, 2013


Well, as I'm sure you all are wondering how my date with my son Kevin, Thomas the Tank Engine, and the railroad track went, I'm happy to report it was a resounding success.  Many, many times round the track, and several long, hearty laughs.  Definitely a success.  :)

I thought I'd update you all on the current/future game plans.  I met with my med-onc, Dr. K. today.  We are on a weekly check-up schedule right now, as they are checking my blood work, my kidney functions, etc., to make sure everything is still working the way it's supposed to.  And, so far, so good.  Kidney function is back to normal range, which is fantastic!  Everything else seems to be doing well, too.

My CEA is creeping back up.  At last check (about two weeks ago), my numbers were at 8.something.  (I can't remember exactly what the number was.)  So, that confirms what we already knew, which was that there is still active cancer in my body.  And, we also know that I am going to have to go back on chemo (Oxalipalantin and Xeloda) sometime soon.  How soon is something we've been deciding on a weekly basis.  We thought it might be this week, but honestly, with how I'm feeling right now, that wasn't happening.  We are gearing up for chemo next week, unless something significantly changes.  We will run the Ox slower (at half-speed), which will do a couple of things.  1) It will allow us to catch any reaction I may have to it more quickly, as the meds will be running slower.  And, 2) It will allow my body to tolerate the chemo better.  I'm on-board with this!

Dr. K. and I also talked about my strength and stamina, or rather, my lack thereof.  He could see that I was getting frustrated, and he told me about a study done in Texas at one of the medical facilities there.  In this study, they took several 18-year old recruits, who were in tip-top condition, and confined them to bedrest for 2 days.  48 hours.  That's it.  But, in that time, they lost 80% of their body functions, meaning they lost strength, stamina, etc.  So, it's not wonder that my body is still so tired and weak, right?  (And, doesn't this make you also think twice before you spend an entire weekend on the couch, eating nothing but crap?  Or, why we, as a fairly sedentary society, have the issues and physical problems that we have?)  Because of this, I had an Occupational Therapy evaluation today, and I have a Physical Therapy evaluation next week.  Dr. K's hope is that by working with these two therapists, I will be able to get back some of my strength.  I have never been so excited to "work out" in my entire lifetime.  :)

It's going to take me a while to get there.  Someone told me recently that, for every day you spend in the hospital, you can expect that it will take a week to return to "normal".  Yikes - I was in the hospital for 14 days.  So, I guess I'll set a goal of Halloween for myself!

This week wasn't too bad.  I have been able to play here and there with the kids, and even did some shopping for produce this week.  Up until now, I've been using the electric carts at the store to get around, but I didn't have to at Sprouts (produce store) or Target!  This may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but for me?  I felt like shouting it from the rooftops!  Ha!

Each day does get a little better.  And, I'm hoping that, between the OT/PT and cutting back some of the meds that make me drowsy, I will continue to see improvements (even small ones) each day!  I know it's going to be a long and frustrating experience, but I feel much more confident now that we have a fairly strong game plan in place.

I did get approved for long-term disability this week, which was a relief.  It is a pay cut, but thankfully not as deep as I had originally expected.  It's still going to hurt, especially around the holidays, but I'll think about that when it gets here.

What else is going on?  I'm trying to figure out how I can pay for my ticket to Miami in October for the Colon Cancer Alliance's Annual Conference.  I got a scholarship, but I can't get reimbursed until I pay for the ticket.  And, I had no idea a) that I couldn't get a straight flight from Phoenix to Miami, or b) that flying into Miami could be so flipping expensive.  I've got a flight-watch out on kayak.com, but if anyone has a lead on a cheap flight to Miami, let me know!  I've got a couple of other things in the works, too, but I'll let you know about those once they are finalized.

More later.  I'm off to get the kids and do a little shopping for dinner!  Have a great weekend, my fabulous army!

Comments:

Laura Loe said...
Michelle you are amazing... you attitude is very uplifting to me. I am so happy to hear your long term disability has been approved!! YAY
July 27, 2013 at 3:11 PM
Blogger Carol Pack Urban said...
I am happy to hear this news. You are really improving physically. You might not think so but I do! Try not to overdo things in your quest for normalcy. :)
July 27, 2013 at 7:50 PM
Blogger Amie Williams said...

Good to hear that you got approved for your long term disability!!
You will get there because you are one tough cookie and there is nothing that will stop you from enjoying life! Slow and steady wins the race, right? :) :)
July 30, 2013 at 7:51 AM

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

JULY 24, 2013


So, before anyone else says it, I will.  I'm a slacker.  I suck at updating this blog lately, and for that, I'm sorry.  But, I've been tired.  And busy.

The past week or so was spent applying for and jockeying paperwork for my long-term disability claim.  Up until now, I've been on short-term disability, but I reached the time limit and thus had to switch to LTD.  It's okay - we should be able to make it work for us.  But, the phone calls, the paperwork, the application process - yeah.  Not so much fun when you're already exhausted.

My next challenge is to apply for Social Security Disability - I started that process this morning, and had to walk away.  I feel like I'm entering the same information over and over and over and over.  *sigh*
 f reflection.  I have started to almost mourn the "other" Michelle, the person I was not only before this hospital visit, but before this whole battle started back 17 months ago.  (In case your wondering, I've gotten over the pre-cancer Michelle process - I found that I like who I am now a whole lot better than the person I was pre-cancer.)  I miss running.  I miss exercising.  I miss being active, and being Super-Mom.  I miss juggling work and home.  I miss running and swimming and romping with my kids.

It's hard, when I start to think about it.  Those are the pieces that I most miss.  I want so desperately to get back to that, and it seems like, whenever we think we are going to catch a break, something comes along to prove us wrong.  And, it pisses me off.

I know I'm up against an evil thing.  I know the statistics.  I know what *could* happen.  I also know that I'm strong, and that I'm not willing to give up.  I've found ways to live a good life, in spite of the things I've lost.

Speaking of which, I'm going to have to end here.  I've just been asked to help architect a train track in the front room.  Looks like Kevin and I are going to have some fun with Thomas the Tank Engine this afternoon.

Wishing you all a wonderful day, and I promise, I'll get on here more and keep everyone updated.  :)

Comments:

Caroline said...
Dont feel guilt about not updating your blog. Life takes over and things like Thomas the Tank Engine can be much more important than blogging.
July 24, 2013 at 4:54 PM
Blogger Joan B said...
glad to hear from you, but agree that thomas the tank engine takes precedence....luck on the disability apps
July 24, 2013 at 11:34 PM
Blogger Laura Loe said...

Hey Michelle...

I totally understand the disability process as I have been doing the paperwork for way too long. I do not know about your former employers short and long through disability but for me long term pays more than what short term paid and that was with AMEX managed by metlife.With a cancer diagnosis it would pay well into 2020's.

As for SS disability it is a nightmare but you should be approved without too much drama... but get a lawyer working with you...I would recommend http://www.slepian.com/Attorneys/
I wish I would have known about them when my battle started as I have 1 friend using them and 1 that know the family...I didn't know about them until I had signed on with Binder and Binder... don't use them.

Anyway, if you need help just let me know, I would be happy to help you.

Laura
July 25, 2013 at 12:15 PM

Monday, July 8, 2013

JULY 8, 2013


So, it's been a while since I've updated.  I have good reason.  I promise.  This post will likely be long and rambling, so I understand if you don't want to read it.  But, for those of you interested, here we go.

The last post was anticipating the second of this round of chemos, and we went ahead with it after another shot with the Neupogen due to low blood counts.  Not a big deal, especially since the Neupogen works wonders in a short period of time for me and bumped my counts in less than 24 hours!

We went in for this round of chemo feeling stronger and confident - my body was getting stronger and stronger each day, and I was feeling more confident, since (in a single round of chemo) my CEA had dropped to 5.4.  Crazy, right???

So, as I said, we went up for chemo feeling pretty good.....well, as good as you can feel knowing you're going to feel like crap soon.  But, it's easier to go in knowing that the chemo is working.  I got my pre-meds, my Avastin, and was about 15 minutes into my Oxalipalantin when I started feeling odd.  Shortness of breath and rapid heartbeat were the first two things I noticed.  I immediately called over the nurse, and kind of went downhill from there.  I got really hot, then started sweating (like, gross, nasty, sweat rolling down your back and face sweating), then got super cold.  I started having some pretty severe back spasms.  I remember them calling the Rapid Response Team, having the crash cart come over, lots of nurses and doctors coming over to join to reaction party.....it wasn't fun.  I can't give you many more specifics because I was so focused on a) trying to make it through each back spasm without keeling over, and b) trying not to throw up.

After a while, the symptoms seemed to ease and I had to go bathroom.  Normally, this wouldn't warrant talking about in my blog because, well.....anyways, I went in, did my thing, and it was red.  Like, my urine was bright red.  And, at that point, I knew things weren't over yet.

We called nurses over again, and needless to say, I was admitted to CTCA.  The next time I went to the bathroom, my urine was dark red, almost brown, and I knew we were in for a new experience.  After getting settled into my room, and after everyone went home, I got a bit of sleep.

Until 2am, when a doctor came in and told me that I had HUS, which is a syndrome I had never heard of and honestly still don't know a lot about, so 
here's a link if you're interested in reading more about it.  At that point, the only thing I was concerned about was that I was told that, because of what they had found, I had hours if I didn't get to a place that could treat me.  We talked about which hospital to take me to, made a decision, I called Levi, and about 30 minutes later, we were both in an ambulance on our way to St. Joseph's Hospital in Phoenix.

The rest of this story is going to be fairly short and to the point, for a number of reasons.  When you're not at a place like CTCA, doctors often don't think to involve a patient in the conversations about their treatment, so much of what I heard and learned was only after I came out of ICU and was conscious enough to ask.

I was admitted right into the ICU, where the doctors looked at my case.  They disagreed with what CTCA had said, and did more tests.  I remember having a peripheral IV put in my right arm (the scar is still there).  I remember being scared out of my mind.  I remember thinking, I don't belong in the ICU.

Once there, my kidneys shut down.  They weren't producing any urine.  Combine this with the fact that standard protocol at a hospital is to pump you with fluids....yeah.  I gained almost 60 pounds at one point, just in water weight.  In like a 4 day period.  Can you say OUCH?  Because I did - a lot.  When your body isn't cleaning out the fluids, and you are being pumped full of more of them, there's no place for it to go but on your body.  My poor fingers and toes were like sausages.  At one point, my scalp even hurt from the extra water weight.

In the ICU, they fitted me with a temporary dialysis catheter in my neck.  In typical Michelle fashion, I vividly remember asking if it was going to interfere with my tattoo.  :)  The catheter was used for two things - dialysis, and a procedure called plasmapheresis (like with more info
 here).  I had both procedures done daily for about a week, and then every other day for a week.  Each procedure is tiring and lengthy (about 3-4 hours), but they don't hurt.

I don't remember much from my time in ICU.  I remember being scared.  I remember being frustrated that it was so loud, and that I couldn't tell day from night because I had no window.  I remember them trying to put a bladder catheter in, and it taking 8 tried before it worked (you can squirm in discomfort...it wasn't pleasant).  I remember there being some really good nurses on staff there, who helped not only me, but my family.

The day before my birthday on the 21st, I was finally moved to a "normal" hospital room.  It was so nice - it had a window.  No view, but I didn't care.  I could finally tell day from night.  The night nurse decorated my room for my birthday that morning, which was super sweet, because I was pretty bummed about being in the hospital for my birthday.

The next couple of days were spent trying to rest, going to and from the procedures, and talking with the doctors, who were still trying to figure out what the heck was going on with me.

I was finally released on Saturday, the 29th, and I have never been so grateful for anything.  The treatment at St. Joe's was pretty good - the food....not so much.  But, since that's all I can complain about, I'll leave it at that.

The two weeks I was in the hospital was rough on my family.  I'll leave it at that.  I'm grateful to the many people who helped us out, and are continuing to help us out....it's made all the difference.  I'm grateful that my family and a few friends were able to come visit me - the visits from my kids made my day.  They wore me out, but pushed me to rest and to get better that much quicker.

The good news is that my kidneys finally started working again, and so far, seem to be on the mend.  We still don't know what exactly happened.  At my doctor's appt last week with Dr. K's team, they seem to feel it may have all been a reaction to the Avastin.  We will talk about this more at this next appointment on Thursday.

All I know is that I'm glad I'm out of the hospital.  I'm frustrated with my lack of strength and stamina - apparently, going through something like this is hard on your body, and it can take a while before you bounce back.  And, you all know me - I'm not patient for things like that.  So, I may be pushing myself a bit, but I'm also listening to my body and taking it easy.

It's been just over a week since I've been out of the hospital, and each day is a little better.  My mental state is better, now that I know that we have other treatment options available to us (I was concerned that we had eliminated Oxalipalantin from the potential treatments).  Levi and I have had some heart-to-hearts about some things, and that has helped us both.

I know there is so much more to tell about my time in the hospital, but in trying to take it easy, I'm going to end here.  We are okay, and getting better each day.  I'm home with my family and trying to just spend time with them.  Friends - if you've emailed/called and I haven't responded, please don't feel offended or put off.  I'm simply trying to put what energy I have into my family right now, and I hope you can understand that.

Meantime, know how much I adore you all, and appreciate you're support.  We still have a long road ahead of us - this was simply a fairly big road block.  But, we made it through, and are on the other side.

More later....

Comments:

Joan Bardee said...
I am so very sorry. I was hoping the silence was because your life was boringly good and you had nothing to report. Hope the next few weeks are a thousand times better.
July 8, 2013 at 10:45 PM
Blogger Carol Pack Urban said...
I am so thankful you're on the mend! I was SO worried!
July 9, 2013 at 6:58 AM
Blogger Unknown said...
Oh Michelle....I was wondering why I hadn't seen you in quite a while. I am so glad you are on the mend but am so sorry to hear what you have been going through. If there is ever anything my Mom or I can do for you, please let us know. 602-973-5674 or 602-743-3126. We love you girly!

Laura and Henrietta
July 9, 2013 at 12:01 PM
Blogger Amie Williams said...
Love ya Michelle for being you! Rest, relax, and rejuvenate yourself for this next phase.
Family always comes first :)
July 15, 2013 at 9:04 AM
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