So, I'm sitting here at
CTCA. Just had blood work drawn for my 6-week check-up. Hard to
believe it's been another six weeks. I'm finishing up with round four of
Xeloda this weekend, which is almost harder to imagine. I'm tolerating it well,
and really have no complaints about this chemo. It's building in my body,
to be sure, but hey....it's keeping the cancer at bay. How can I complain
about that?
Every once in a while, it hits me where I am and what I've gotten through. As I approach my hands-down favorite holiday of the year, I reflect on 2012.
It's been a hell of a year. I had absolutely no idea that I would be battling cancer for a second time. I sure as hell didn't expect to be where I am right now.
And yet? It's ok. It feels right. While I hate hate HATE that I've had to go through this, I feel like it's my journey. I'm more at peace with this now than I've ever been.
Don't get me wrong. It still sucks.....a lot. I hate that I've put my family and friends through this worry, this fear. I hate that my kids have had to see me go through this. I hate that I've had to stop my life to go through this.
But, here I am. I am alive. Brilliantly, amazingly alive.
I have such an intense, physical need to live each day. It's almost a compulsion. Sitting isn't an option. I did so much sitting this summer. I want to be up, doing, seeing, experiencing....living the life that I fought for.
How? Well, that's something I decide in the moment. Today? It's getting a massage at CTCA, then helping promote this amazing place by doing a video shoot for them. Later, it's meeting a friend for dinner. Who knows what else?
I see each day as a blessing, a gift. Yes, it's cliche. So? For me? It's truth. Every single day is one that, back in March, I didn't think I would see. Every day with my kids is full of possibilities, learning opportunities, amazing chances for everyday memories that will change who they become in life.
It's pretty cool, when you think about it. How awesome is this world we live in?
Anyways, it's about time for my appointment. Make the best of today! I will!!!
Every once in a while, it hits me where I am and what I've gotten through. As I approach my hands-down favorite holiday of the year, I reflect on 2012.
It's been a hell of a year. I had absolutely no idea that I would be battling cancer for a second time. I sure as hell didn't expect to be where I am right now.
And yet? It's ok. It feels right. While I hate hate HATE that I've had to go through this, I feel like it's my journey. I'm more at peace with this now than I've ever been.
Don't get me wrong. It still sucks.....a lot. I hate that I've put my family and friends through this worry, this fear. I hate that my kids have had to see me go through this. I hate that I've had to stop my life to go through this.
But, here I am. I am alive. Brilliantly, amazingly alive.
I have such an intense, physical need to live each day. It's almost a compulsion. Sitting isn't an option. I did so much sitting this summer. I want to be up, doing, seeing, experiencing....living the life that I fought for.
How? Well, that's something I decide in the moment. Today? It's getting a massage at CTCA, then helping promote this amazing place by doing a video shoot for them. Later, it's meeting a friend for dinner. Who knows what else?
I see each day as a blessing, a gift. Yes, it's cliche. So? For me? It's truth. Every single day is one that, back in March, I didn't think I would see. Every day with my kids is full of possibilities, learning opportunities, amazing chances for everyday memories that will change who they become in life.
It's pretty cool, when you think about it. How awesome is this world we live in?
Anyways, it's about time for my appointment. Make the best of today! I will!!!
Comments:
Carol
Pack Urban said...
I
love how your whole attitude has blossomed! My my world is brighter just
because I know you!
December
29, 2012 at 10:27 AM
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