As I
continue on this journey, one thing becomes blatantly clear. Normal
is relative.
Every few weeks, I seem to have something that reminds me of this fact. Sometimes, it's a notification on my phone, reminding me to take my Xeloda. This week, it was a reminder that I have my 6-week check-up with my oncologist. And, this damn chest cold that's plaguing me.
Apparently, this chemo has compromised my immune system enough that I'm going to get sick. All the time.
*sigh*
I'm usually pretty good about staying healthy (which is funny, when you think about the fact that I have stage 4 cancer). I wash my hands, and make sure the kids do the same thing. Generally, preventative measures have worked in the past, but with an immune system that's compromised (as mine is), I'm finding that I need to be much more diligent. And, even then, I'm going to get sick.
This week brings yet another chest cold. I went into CTCA on Monday for a massage, and my therapist heard my voice and insisted that I go up to the IM clinic to be evaluated. The IM clinic is kind of like a non-oncology urgent care, in that I wouldn't go there for an issue with my cancer, but I'll go there for things like colds, etc. They have access to my medical records and can see what I'm on, what I've been on, and how I've responded to things in the past. I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to go into a place and NOT have to retell my story again and again....they have the records, and they don't make me repeat the story.
Anyways, the folks in the clinic were amazing, had me in and out in under 10 minutes, and I'm now on fairly strong antibiotics (Augmentin), Mucinex DM, and a nasal spray. I'm glad I went in when I did, because I can feel my body getting weaker and fighting this. I think if I had waited, I would be in big trouble.
Lesson learned - go in to see the docs before it gets too bad. Prevention is the key here, apparently.
One thing I learned from the cold I was fighting a few weeks ago is that recovery is a lot less swift than I remember it being. I know why - my body is not only compromised from the chemo, it's also battling this cold thing. I get it - I don't like it, but I get it. I want to be better NOW, not days from now. So, once again, I need to remember to be patient.
I'm just glad it's being taken care of this week - I would be pissed if I got sick next week, before Vegas. :) Priorities, people.
Med-onc follow-up with Dr. Granick this week. Another reminder that this is my new normal. I'm getting anxious about the blood work. I have no reason to be anxious - I just am. I'll feel better once I have confirmation that we are still on the right path. Hoping that we can get this blasted port out before Christmas. That would be awesome.
I had a friend hit me up on facebook yesterday, asking if I have the same concerns whenever I have a cough, lump, rash, etc. - their mind always goes to "It must be a recurrence." They asked if I had the same concerns.
You bet your ass I do.
How could you not? I know that other survivors have the same concerns. You want to be joyous about being done with actively fighting, and yet, you can't help but wonder when the other foot is going to drop, so to speak. I am always worried. My cough must be another recurrence in my lungs. Any issues with my GI system must mean another tumor in my colon. A pain in my back must mean mets to my bones (which isn't common with colon cancer). It's never ending. The key is to balance your concerns with the fact that you can't control it. You can control how you react, and how you live well in whatever time you have left here.
And, that's another new normal. I thought I got it last time. I thought I understood the fragility of life, and really lived my life. I totally get it now. (Dear Universe: Please note this down - I don't need any more lessons. I'm good, thanks!)
Because of this, I'm in a different place than I was 5 years ago. Hell, I'm in a different place than I was this time last year. I know this has changed me, in ways I'm just beginning to realize. It has shifted my priorities, my life expectations, my understanding of where I fit into the world and where I want to fit into the world. It's shifted my (in)ability to tolerate drama and ignorance and the non-essentials. I get frustrated when people focus on the small things, and forget to be grateful for what we have. I find joy in the things most people take for granted - laughter, smiles, sunsets, hugs, dancing, music....
I seek out happiness. Purposefully, and energetically. I want to live life blissfully. I want to cut out all the noise and really, truly focus on making my life my own.
I was talking with another parent a few days ago, and she told me that she didn't know how I was able to go though all of this and still smile. It stopped me for a moment.
To me, it isn't an option. Well, there is an option. I can sit around, ponder why this happened to me, have a pity party, and mourn my life. That's not the choice I made. On a daily basis, I choose to enjoy my life. I choose to celebrate what I've been given, and to take the lemons life has handed me and make one hell of a lemonade.
I mentioned to this parent that everyday, the choices I make are (partially) determined by the fact that my kids watch me, and mimic what I do. If I show them that you can take whatever life throws at you and still have a good life, then I'm teaching them to make the best of a situation. And, that's something I'll be proud of.
So, this new normal? We are all still adjusting to it. I don't know that I've fully got my head around what this means. I'm learning so much about myself on a daily basis. I feel like, each day, I have a new revelation that surprises me and makes me take stock of who I am. It forces me to look at everything I've known, experienced, felt, done. I don't know where I'm headed, or what the future is going to hold, but I'm here. For now, that's enough.
It's a process, isn't it? This getting-to-know-yourself. Hmmm....
Every few weeks, I seem to have something that reminds me of this fact. Sometimes, it's a notification on my phone, reminding me to take my Xeloda. This week, it was a reminder that I have my 6-week check-up with my oncologist. And, this damn chest cold that's plaguing me.
Apparently, this chemo has compromised my immune system enough that I'm going to get sick. All the time.
*sigh*
I'm usually pretty good about staying healthy (which is funny, when you think about the fact that I have stage 4 cancer). I wash my hands, and make sure the kids do the same thing. Generally, preventative measures have worked in the past, but with an immune system that's compromised (as mine is), I'm finding that I need to be much more diligent. And, even then, I'm going to get sick.
This week brings yet another chest cold. I went into CTCA on Monday for a massage, and my therapist heard my voice and insisted that I go up to the IM clinic to be evaluated. The IM clinic is kind of like a non-oncology urgent care, in that I wouldn't go there for an issue with my cancer, but I'll go there for things like colds, etc. They have access to my medical records and can see what I'm on, what I've been on, and how I've responded to things in the past. I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to go into a place and NOT have to retell my story again and again....they have the records, and they don't make me repeat the story.
Anyways, the folks in the clinic were amazing, had me in and out in under 10 minutes, and I'm now on fairly strong antibiotics (Augmentin), Mucinex DM, and a nasal spray. I'm glad I went in when I did, because I can feel my body getting weaker and fighting this. I think if I had waited, I would be in big trouble.
Lesson learned - go in to see the docs before it gets too bad. Prevention is the key here, apparently.
One thing I learned from the cold I was fighting a few weeks ago is that recovery is a lot less swift than I remember it being. I know why - my body is not only compromised from the chemo, it's also battling this cold thing. I get it - I don't like it, but I get it. I want to be better NOW, not days from now. So, once again, I need to remember to be patient.
I'm just glad it's being taken care of this week - I would be pissed if I got sick next week, before Vegas. :) Priorities, people.
Med-onc follow-up with Dr. Granick this week. Another reminder that this is my new normal. I'm getting anxious about the blood work. I have no reason to be anxious - I just am. I'll feel better once I have confirmation that we are still on the right path. Hoping that we can get this blasted port out before Christmas. That would be awesome.
I had a friend hit me up on facebook yesterday, asking if I have the same concerns whenever I have a cough, lump, rash, etc. - their mind always goes to "It must be a recurrence." They asked if I had the same concerns.
You bet your ass I do.
How could you not? I know that other survivors have the same concerns. You want to be joyous about being done with actively fighting, and yet, you can't help but wonder when the other foot is going to drop, so to speak. I am always worried. My cough must be another recurrence in my lungs. Any issues with my GI system must mean another tumor in my colon. A pain in my back must mean mets to my bones (which isn't common with colon cancer). It's never ending. The key is to balance your concerns with the fact that you can't control it. You can control how you react, and how you live well in whatever time you have left here.
And, that's another new normal. I thought I got it last time. I thought I understood the fragility of life, and really lived my life. I totally get it now. (Dear Universe: Please note this down - I don't need any more lessons. I'm good, thanks!)
Because of this, I'm in a different place than I was 5 years ago. Hell, I'm in a different place than I was this time last year. I know this has changed me, in ways I'm just beginning to realize. It has shifted my priorities, my life expectations, my understanding of where I fit into the world and where I want to fit into the world. It's shifted my (in)ability to tolerate drama and ignorance and the non-essentials. I get frustrated when people focus on the small things, and forget to be grateful for what we have. I find joy in the things most people take for granted - laughter, smiles, sunsets, hugs, dancing, music....
I seek out happiness. Purposefully, and energetically. I want to live life blissfully. I want to cut out all the noise and really, truly focus on making my life my own.
I was talking with another parent a few days ago, and she told me that she didn't know how I was able to go though all of this and still smile. It stopped me for a moment.
To me, it isn't an option. Well, there is an option. I can sit around, ponder why this happened to me, have a pity party, and mourn my life. That's not the choice I made. On a daily basis, I choose to enjoy my life. I choose to celebrate what I've been given, and to take the lemons life has handed me and make one hell of a lemonade.
I mentioned to this parent that everyday, the choices I make are (partially) determined by the fact that my kids watch me, and mimic what I do. If I show them that you can take whatever life throws at you and still have a good life, then I'm teaching them to make the best of a situation. And, that's something I'll be proud of.
So, this new normal? We are all still adjusting to it. I don't know that I've fully got my head around what this means. I'm learning so much about myself on a daily basis. I feel like, each day, I have a new revelation that surprises me and makes me take stock of who I am. It forces me to look at everything I've known, experienced, felt, done. I don't know where I'm headed, or what the future is going to hold, but I'm here. For now, that's enough.
It's a process, isn't it? This getting-to-know-yourself. Hmmm....
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