Well,
tonight will be dose #5 of the Temodar, and so far, I can't complain too much.
The first night sucked.....no two ways about it. And, the day after
(Saturday) was awful - just a low level of nausea constantly throughout the
entire day. I think I've figured out how to handle it, and how to manage
it.
I have some lab work and a follow-up with my PA, Kia, week after next. I don't think they will run a CEA test at that point - I think I remember Dr. K. saying that he would only run it after the first cycle (a cycle is 21 days on Temodar, 7 days off, then the next cycle starts as I begin taking the meds again).
Based on the last appt with Dr. K., we will go through the lab work (including CEA) after cycle one, then CT scan after cycle 2 to see if it's working. This will be really good, because I found out today that, even though the MD from my insurance plan approved the chemo (and then, only for 3 months), he is completely sure it won't work. Boy, would it feel good to prove him wrong. :)
*****************************
I figured I'd give you all an update on how I'm feeling physically, while I'm here. I'll be honest - I'm not happy with my progress. I was hoping that, by now, I'd be up, doing more, and able to live my life more, well, normally. So far, that seems like nothing but a dream.
I'm going through OT and PT 2-3 times each a week, chiro twice a week, and massage therapy once a week. And, I can't say that they aren't helping, because I've learned a lot, and lord knows where I'd be right now if I *wasn't* working with everyone.
I get emotional when I think about where I was in March of 2012, and where I am now. I get so damn frustrated that I can't get my frustrations and emotions out by running, going to the gym for a kick-ass workout with Christine, or going for a walk/run outside to clear my head.
I may have a new way to start back with that....sort of. When I was in the hospital back in June, they sent me home with a walker. Not a cool walker, but a little old lady, tennis balls on the back walker. Not cool, and useless, if I'm being honest. So, I started thinking about when I have the most back pain, and I realized that it's generally when I'm on my feet for a while. My anxiety about going places is because of this, too....that, and my fear that I won't be able to find a place to sit down to relieve my back pain.
My solution? I asked my PT today about getting one of the walkers that have 4 wheels, and a seat. She readily agreed that this is a good solution, and a good transitional way for me to get back on my feet, and work on my core strength to get me back to walking on my own. (Right now, I'd be happy with that, honestly...)
They had a walker that I borrowed today, and I used it a bit in the hospital as I was walking around. And, I'll tell you what.
It was brilliant. I felt a lot less stress on my lower back, and I was able to remain upright for a bit longer. Not much, but anything is better than having to sit don every two minutes because your body can't handle anything else.
It's not going to be a very good confidence booster, and it's not going to be pretty (until I bling it out - weekend project...), but it should work wonders. I've got some travel coming up next month, and I'm thinking this is just the key to getting me through the airports. Well, that and asking the guys that drive those nifty little cars for help.
So, I'm going to try to ignore that little voice in my mind that tells me that I don't want to do this, that doing this is failure, that doing this shows me as a cancer patient to the rest of the world (that's the loudest, and the one I hate the most)....I'm going to suck it up and use that walker.
My first goal - to take my children on a walk around the block on a cool-ish late summer night. (Let's be honest here - it's still flipping hot here, although today it didn't get much above 90, so I'm not complaining...)
I'll let you know when (not if....WHEN) I take the kids for a walk, and how I do. Meantime, any ideas on how I can bling the HELL out of my soon-to-be-new walker (blue, of course), are welcome. Especially ideas on how we can get the crystals I want to stick to the metal painted surface.
Oh, and donations/gift cards to Hobby Lobby, Michael's and JoAnne's are readily welcome. :)
I have some lab work and a follow-up with my PA, Kia, week after next. I don't think they will run a CEA test at that point - I think I remember Dr. K. saying that he would only run it after the first cycle (a cycle is 21 days on Temodar, 7 days off, then the next cycle starts as I begin taking the meds again).
Based on the last appt with Dr. K., we will go through the lab work (including CEA) after cycle one, then CT scan after cycle 2 to see if it's working. This will be really good, because I found out today that, even though the MD from my insurance plan approved the chemo (and then, only for 3 months), he is completely sure it won't work. Boy, would it feel good to prove him wrong. :)
*****************************
I figured I'd give you all an update on how I'm feeling physically, while I'm here. I'll be honest - I'm not happy with my progress. I was hoping that, by now, I'd be up, doing more, and able to live my life more, well, normally. So far, that seems like nothing but a dream.
I'm going through OT and PT 2-3 times each a week, chiro twice a week, and massage therapy once a week. And, I can't say that they aren't helping, because I've learned a lot, and lord knows where I'd be right now if I *wasn't* working with everyone.
I get emotional when I think about where I was in March of 2012, and where I am now. I get so damn frustrated that I can't get my frustrations and emotions out by running, going to the gym for a kick-ass workout with Christine, or going for a walk/run outside to clear my head.
I may have a new way to start back with that....sort of. When I was in the hospital back in June, they sent me home with a walker. Not a cool walker, but a little old lady, tennis balls on the back walker. Not cool, and useless, if I'm being honest. So, I started thinking about when I have the most back pain, and I realized that it's generally when I'm on my feet for a while. My anxiety about going places is because of this, too....that, and my fear that I won't be able to find a place to sit down to relieve my back pain.
My solution? I asked my PT today about getting one of the walkers that have 4 wheels, and a seat. She readily agreed that this is a good solution, and a good transitional way for me to get back on my feet, and work on my core strength to get me back to walking on my own. (Right now, I'd be happy with that, honestly...)
They had a walker that I borrowed today, and I used it a bit in the hospital as I was walking around. And, I'll tell you what.
It was brilliant. I felt a lot less stress on my lower back, and I was able to remain upright for a bit longer. Not much, but anything is better than having to sit don every two minutes because your body can't handle anything else.
It's not going to be a very good confidence booster, and it's not going to be pretty (until I bling it out - weekend project...), but it should work wonders. I've got some travel coming up next month, and I'm thinking this is just the key to getting me through the airports. Well, that and asking the guys that drive those nifty little cars for help.
So, I'm going to try to ignore that little voice in my mind that tells me that I don't want to do this, that doing this is failure, that doing this shows me as a cancer patient to the rest of the world (that's the loudest, and the one I hate the most)....I'm going to suck it up and use that walker.
My first goal - to take my children on a walk around the block on a cool-ish late summer night. (Let's be honest here - it's still flipping hot here, although today it didn't get much above 90, so I'm not complaining...)
I'll let you know when (not if....WHEN) I take the kids for a walk, and how I do. Meantime, any ideas on how I can bling the HELL out of my soon-to-be-new walker (blue, of course), are welcome. Especially ideas on how we can get the crystals I want to stick to the metal painted surface.
Oh, and donations/gift cards to Hobby Lobby, Michael's and JoAnne's are readily welcome. :)
Comments:
Lee
Whitehead said...
I
need to do my own venting here... It has always been the brunt of our family
& friend's jokes because it is very well known that I cry at the drop of a
hat. I cry at commercials - and not just the good ones like the Hallmark
Channel or Maxwell House Coffee commercials. I can cry driving past a wedding -
doesn't matter whose it is. That is just a part of who I am.
But through all of Michelle's struggles, I feel like I've been doing really good. I've managed my emotions the best I could and have tried to not let her see when I'm struggling with something she's going through (I'm sure Michelle will disagree with this because she just knows me so well, I know she that she knows - if you can follow that.)
Anyway, I had a really difficult time today (i.e., a mini-moment) after she called to ask me to help with her weekend project of blinging out the walker.
My first thought after hanging up the phone was that no mother should never have to hear her child ask her to help bling out her walker, of all things.
But, then I remind myself that no mother should every have to get a call telling them their child has cancer... or a second call telling them that the cancer has returned... or calls like all the others in between.
Bottom line is, that I am Michelle's mother and I am so very, very lucky I still have her here with me to ask me for her help. I am so very blessed when she's having a good/bad day I can just stop by and give her a hug. I can still take her shopping, to lunck, or just to sit and talk.
So many other mothers have had to deal with worse than what we've had to deal with - and I just need to keep reminding myself that when I have one of my mini-moments and remember that it is okay... and that I'm not the only mother that has done this.
Blinging out a walker - hell yes! Rather than regreting that I had to be asked that, instead I will treasure the experience the M&M (Mom & Michelle) moment that we will have doing it. (Make that a M, M & J moment!).
Cancer be damned - you are not going to turn my memories into regrets! When my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer, my mantra became "NO REGRETS" and I hereby give my vow to Michelle and myself that I will not have any more regrets nor will I waste my emotions on something so trivial. Ask away Michelle - you want my help with something, I will ALWAYS be there for you!
I love you, my daughter~
But through all of Michelle's struggles, I feel like I've been doing really good. I've managed my emotions the best I could and have tried to not let her see when I'm struggling with something she's going through (I'm sure Michelle will disagree with this because she just knows me so well, I know she that she knows - if you can follow that.)
Anyway, I had a really difficult time today (i.e., a mini-moment) after she called to ask me to help with her weekend project of blinging out the walker.
My first thought after hanging up the phone was that no mother should never have to hear her child ask her to help bling out her walker, of all things.
But, then I remind myself that no mother should every have to get a call telling them their child has cancer... or a second call telling them that the cancer has returned... or calls like all the others in between.
Bottom line is, that I am Michelle's mother and I am so very, very lucky I still have her here with me to ask me for her help. I am so very blessed when she's having a good/bad day I can just stop by and give her a hug. I can still take her shopping, to lunck, or just to sit and talk.
So many other mothers have had to deal with worse than what we've had to deal with - and I just need to keep reminding myself that when I have one of my mini-moments and remember that it is okay... and that I'm not the only mother that has done this.
Blinging out a walker - hell yes! Rather than regreting that I had to be asked that, instead I will treasure the experience the M&M (Mom & Michelle) moment that we will have doing it. (Make that a M, M & J moment!).
Cancer be damned - you are not going to turn my memories into regrets! When my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer, my mantra became "NO REGRETS" and I hereby give my vow to Michelle and myself that I will not have any more regrets nor will I waste my emotions on something so trivial. Ask away Michelle - you want my help with something, I will ALWAYS be there for you!
I love you, my daughter~
September
10, 2013 at 9:13 PM
found
this on the net. looks doable.
http://www.shrinkins.com/
not sure about glitter on metal. I think I'd go with paint that has glitter in it. you rock.
http://www.shrinkins.com/
not sure about glitter on metal. I think I'd go with paint that has glitter in it. you rock.
September
11, 2013 at 1:44 AM
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