This
might be a long post. It's been a while, and I meant to write last week,
but it was the week from hell, so this fell to the bottom of the priority list.
Again.
So, last week. I was still recovering on Monday. I was not feeling well, at all. I was still exhausted - somehow, that doesn't seem like a good word. What I feel is so much more than exhaustion. It's an all-encompassing, complete and total lack of energy and ability to do anything. I realized late last week that I don't even remember anything about the couple of days of chemo. Thursday, I remember my med-onc appts. I remember going up to infusion, and I remember getting lunch (shaved steak sandwich). I remember asking for Ativan to help calm my nerves, and I do not remember a damn thing after that. Apparently, my dad had a hard time getting me to/from the restroom (I imagine he did, being that I don't remember anything). He had a rough time getting me home.
I don't remember anything at all from Thursday night or Friday. Those days are completely gone. Saturday, I remember bits and pieces. I asked on facebook if someone would bring me a sundae, and my girlfriend Cher did (thanks again!). I have no idea what we had for dinner that night, or what I ate on Thursday night, Friday or Saturday during the day.
Isn't that terrifying? I'm actually going to mention it to my doctor. I don't like knowing that I lose days at a time. It's scary.
Anyways, on Monday, I was still nauseous and just generally icky. I ran an errand or two, then got home and realized that the air conditioning in my car wasn't working. Fabulous. Luckily, we have a friend that helps us, and he took care of everything. He is amazing, and I'm so blessed to have him in my life. Thanks, Bill!
Monday night, we went up to a friend's house to get their dog. They were to the East Coast on a family emergency, so we offered to dogsit for them. Monday night was an interesting dogt-vs-cats standoff. It worked out well, though; Monday night was my chemo-induced insomnia night, so the lack of sleep from listening to the dog and cats argue wasn't as detrimental as it could have been. Thankfully...
Tuesday, I helped Dad take care of his dog, so I spent some time over at their place. It was fun - their little guy is such an energetic puppy, so playing with him helped take my mind off of things, which was a welcome distraction.
Wednesday - oh, Wednesday. The morning wasn't too bad. I got home from lunch with a friend, and found water literally flowing out of both my garage door and my front door. *sigh* The water softener filter had burst, and flooded the garage as well as the front of the house. I called Levi in a panic, got the water to the house shut off, and began cleaning up. Luckily, it seems that I got there not long after the burst occurred, so the flow of water was mainly in the front of the house. . The front room had some water damage to the carpet, and there was just a lot of cleanup needed. The rental company came quickly and started the process of drying out the carpeting. They replaced the filter, and we are waiting on a call from their insurance company to assess the damage to the sheet rock. The big concern, at least for us, is making sure that there isn't any mold. I just got off the phone with the maintenance company, and they are going to check on the status of this and get back with us.
Wednesday night, my amazing friend Jen had pizza delivered for us; Levi and I were just exhausted. I was emotionally done, so having to not worry about food that night made life *so much easier*. Thanks again, Jen. You are a life-saver.
Thursday - um, I had appointments at CTCA (massage, which was desperately needed, and chiro), and I tried to make chicken marsala for dinner. I made it once before, and everyone loved it. I added onions this time, and I didn't like it at all. Levi ate it, but I think next time, I'll make it without the onions. :)
Friday. Friday was another very long day. Long story short, I had an issue with Kevin's teacher (which is now resolved), and that took a lot of time and energy. I won't go into specifics here, but it was a very exhausting event. Friday night, I went to a local restaurant for a networking event with my friend Ilana, and had an amazing time making new friends and just enjoying myself. It was a really, really fun night, and I'm so glad I went.
Saturday morning, I woke up to some heartbreaking news. I found out that a friend, Marty, passed away from his battle with this disease. He was only 21, and was being treated at CTCA as well. He had been originally diagnosed at 19, and battled valiantly and courageously. I had seen him at CTCA about two weeks ago, and I knew then that things weren't good. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier, though. I will miss seeing him around. He was just a great inspiration, and someone people wanted to be around. I ache for his family; his mom, who cared for two sons while they battled cancer, and for Marty's siblings Andy (now a survivor) and Camilla.
The timing of this was especially hard. Yesterday marked three years since my friend Kim passed from this disease. Kim was also treated at CTCA, and it's still hard to accept that she's gone.
Fighting a disease like this is hard, physically and emotionally. It helps to know people who are going through the same thing, and to be able to talk with them. To have someone really understand what you're going through, and to truly get it, is invaluable. The downside to building these relationships is that you are going, inevitably, lose some of them. As much as we'd like to think that everyone is going to beat this disease, that's not the case. Cancer doesn't discriminate, and it doesn't play fair. Sometimes, it takes the most vibrant, amazing people from this world. I've seen it happen too many times now, with both colon cancer and cancer in general. It doesn't get any easier....it gets harder and harder.
Needless to say, it's been a rough couple of days.
I'm doing ok this morning. I had a breakdown this morning, and had my cathatric cry. I needed that, to let those emotions go and to allow myself time to mourn. I'm sure I'll do it again this weekend when I pay my respects to Marty. I'll be able to go to the services, but not the burial. He's being laid to rest at the same cemetary as Kim. That's going to be too much to handle for me right now.
Physically, I'm getting better and better as time wears on. I'm still tired, and physically, the strength just isn't there anymore. But, I keep my optimism from the fact that I only have two more rounds left, and I'm hopeful that I can make it through those. We'll see what the doctor has to say next week; in the meantime, I'm going to keep moving forward, and keep my head up.
More later. A friend asked me to post more about the "other stuff" at CTCA, so I'm going to try to post about that soon. Anything else you want to know?
So, last week. I was still recovering on Monday. I was not feeling well, at all. I was still exhausted - somehow, that doesn't seem like a good word. What I feel is so much more than exhaustion. It's an all-encompassing, complete and total lack of energy and ability to do anything. I realized late last week that I don't even remember anything about the couple of days of chemo. Thursday, I remember my med-onc appts. I remember going up to infusion, and I remember getting lunch (shaved steak sandwich). I remember asking for Ativan to help calm my nerves, and I do not remember a damn thing after that. Apparently, my dad had a hard time getting me to/from the restroom (I imagine he did, being that I don't remember anything). He had a rough time getting me home.
I don't remember anything at all from Thursday night or Friday. Those days are completely gone. Saturday, I remember bits and pieces. I asked on facebook if someone would bring me a sundae, and my girlfriend Cher did (thanks again!). I have no idea what we had for dinner that night, or what I ate on Thursday night, Friday or Saturday during the day.
Isn't that terrifying? I'm actually going to mention it to my doctor. I don't like knowing that I lose days at a time. It's scary.
Anyways, on Monday, I was still nauseous and just generally icky. I ran an errand or two, then got home and realized that the air conditioning in my car wasn't working. Fabulous. Luckily, we have a friend that helps us, and he took care of everything. He is amazing, and I'm so blessed to have him in my life. Thanks, Bill!
Monday night, we went up to a friend's house to get their dog. They were to the East Coast on a family emergency, so we offered to dogsit for them. Monday night was an interesting dogt-vs-cats standoff. It worked out well, though; Monday night was my chemo-induced insomnia night, so the lack of sleep from listening to the dog and cats argue wasn't as detrimental as it could have been. Thankfully...
Tuesday, I helped Dad take care of his dog, so I spent some time over at their place. It was fun - their little guy is such an energetic puppy, so playing with him helped take my mind off of things, which was a welcome distraction.
Wednesday - oh, Wednesday. The morning wasn't too bad. I got home from lunch with a friend, and found water literally flowing out of both my garage door and my front door. *sigh* The water softener filter had burst, and flooded the garage as well as the front of the house. I called Levi in a panic, got the water to the house shut off, and began cleaning up. Luckily, it seems that I got there not long after the burst occurred, so the flow of water was mainly in the front of the house. . The front room had some water damage to the carpet, and there was just a lot of cleanup needed. The rental company came quickly and started the process of drying out the carpeting. They replaced the filter, and we are waiting on a call from their insurance company to assess the damage to the sheet rock. The big concern, at least for us, is making sure that there isn't any mold. I just got off the phone with the maintenance company, and they are going to check on the status of this and get back with us.
Wednesday night, my amazing friend Jen had pizza delivered for us; Levi and I were just exhausted. I was emotionally done, so having to not worry about food that night made life *so much easier*. Thanks again, Jen. You are a life-saver.
Thursday - um, I had appointments at CTCA (massage, which was desperately needed, and chiro), and I tried to make chicken marsala for dinner. I made it once before, and everyone loved it. I added onions this time, and I didn't like it at all. Levi ate it, but I think next time, I'll make it without the onions. :)
Friday. Friday was another very long day. Long story short, I had an issue with Kevin's teacher (which is now resolved), and that took a lot of time and energy. I won't go into specifics here, but it was a very exhausting event. Friday night, I went to a local restaurant for a networking event with my friend Ilana, and had an amazing time making new friends and just enjoying myself. It was a really, really fun night, and I'm so glad I went.
Saturday morning, I woke up to some heartbreaking news. I found out that a friend, Marty, passed away from his battle with this disease. He was only 21, and was being treated at CTCA as well. He had been originally diagnosed at 19, and battled valiantly and courageously. I had seen him at CTCA about two weeks ago, and I knew then that things weren't good. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier, though. I will miss seeing him around. He was just a great inspiration, and someone people wanted to be around. I ache for his family; his mom, who cared for two sons while they battled cancer, and for Marty's siblings Andy (now a survivor) and Camilla.
The timing of this was especially hard. Yesterday marked three years since my friend Kim passed from this disease. Kim was also treated at CTCA, and it's still hard to accept that she's gone.
Fighting a disease like this is hard, physically and emotionally. It helps to know people who are going through the same thing, and to be able to talk with them. To have someone really understand what you're going through, and to truly get it, is invaluable. The downside to building these relationships is that you are going, inevitably, lose some of them. As much as we'd like to think that everyone is going to beat this disease, that's not the case. Cancer doesn't discriminate, and it doesn't play fair. Sometimes, it takes the most vibrant, amazing people from this world. I've seen it happen too many times now, with both colon cancer and cancer in general. It doesn't get any easier....it gets harder and harder.
Needless to say, it's been a rough couple of days.
I'm doing ok this morning. I had a breakdown this morning, and had my cathatric cry. I needed that, to let those emotions go and to allow myself time to mourn. I'm sure I'll do it again this weekend when I pay my respects to Marty. I'll be able to go to the services, but not the burial. He's being laid to rest at the same cemetary as Kim. That's going to be too much to handle for me right now.
Physically, I'm getting better and better as time wears on. I'm still tired, and physically, the strength just isn't there anymore. But, I keep my optimism from the fact that I only have two more rounds left, and I'm hopeful that I can make it through those. We'll see what the doctor has to say next week; in the meantime, I'm going to keep moving forward, and keep my head up.
More later. A friend asked me to post more about the "other stuff" at CTCA, so I'm going to try to post about that soon. Anything else you want to know?
Comments:
((hugs))
Let me know when we you want another pizza delivered, that was kind of fun
ordering it online from Michigan to have it delivered to you in AZ. Wish I
could have been delivered with it...
Love you, girl...
Love you, girl...
August
28, 2012 at 11:39 AM
This
just breaks my heart.
August
28, 2012 at 4:28 PM
August
29, 2012 at 2:19 AM
Cathartic
cries feel so good, don't they? I am so sorry to hear of your friend's
passing..yes, cancer does not discriminate and is unfair to the inth.
Next time you're dealing with insomnia, mayI suggest checking out the live Big Brother feeds on Showtime? I've had a few nights of restless sleep lately and this had made great company. *grin*
Keep Hangin' Tough! You're amazing!
Next time you're dealing with insomnia, mayI suggest checking out the live Big Brother feeds on Showtime? I've had a few nights of restless sleep lately and this had made great company. *grin*
Keep Hangin' Tough! You're amazing!
August
29, 2012 at 2:24 PM
I
was also diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in march of this year. I am 39
years old. Maybe we can keep in touch with each other? My blog address is
lisaanniepants at blogspot dot com.
September
1, 2012 at 1:44 PM
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