Ok - I've had a *lot* of people ask me when I was going to update
the blog, so I figure it's time. You'll have to forgive me for not
updating prior to this. There are times when thinking about something to
write, or putting my thoughts into words, is just too much. I'm finding that as
time wears on, and as we get deeper and deeper into this, I get tired much more
easily. And, it's not just physically tired. I'm emotionally
wrought. Thinking about chemo, anticipating it, worrying about my
family....it's a lot to handle. Combine those with chemo brain and just a
general sense of being overwhelmed....well, you can imagine that it's sometimes
hard to get on the computer and put words to what I'm feeling.
Anyways, it's been a busy couple of weeks. (I had to go back to see when I blogged the last time - it's been two weeks!) After the last round of chemo, I took a vacation to Nashville. Amie, one of my best friends in high school, invited me to visit, and I took her up on it. I've always wanted to go to Nashville, and how better to visit than with an old friend?
It was an amazing trip! I had an opportunity to meet with Brian Mansfield, a fellow colon cancer survivor who is writing about his journey in USA Today. He hosts what's called Flash Friday lunches, where he tells people to meet at a given restaurant on a given date/time, and it's usually a smaller place that's off the beaten path. We went to a small bistro-like place called "The Yellow Porch", and it was awesome! Great people, fabulous food....definitely a good time. And, Brian is a genuinely nice person who is trying to figure out how to use what he's been diagnosed with to help others. I look forward to seeing him make a difference....
Friday afternoon, Amie's husband JD took us to the shooting range. I have never done anything like that before, so it was definitely an experience. :)
Saturday, we went to the Jack Daniels Distillery in Lynchberg, TN. I wasn't sure what to expect - what a gorgeous place! Lots of history! And, our tour guide? Hysterical! She was a cancer survivor, and she told me to keep fighting. Betty was awesome. There was also another lady on the tour that was going through chemo for colon cancer - such a small world.
After we toured the JD facility, we went on a tour of the town of Lynchburg. It is this quaint little town that reminded me of the town from the movie "My Cousin Vinny" - small, adorable. I loved it.
Saturday night, we went out to downtown Nashville for a night on the town! I definitely want to go back! Lots of amazing country music, cowboys, tight jeans, cowboy hats, boots, and southern twang? Yes, please!
One of the bars we went into, called Legends Corner, was awesome. We no sooner walked in, and the band started playing my song, "If You're Going Through Hell." Hell yeah!!!! I got a chance to meet the lead singer, John Karl, and tell him why that song was so important to me. He was happy to chat with me and snap a picture.
Sunday morning, Amie and I went to a place called The Pancake Place for breakfast....it was awesome! I absolutely loved it - I wanted to have good ole, down home Southern cooking, and I got it. Delish!
Here are some pictures from that trip! I think I have officially moved my remission party from Vegas to Nashville.....I definitely want to go back and explore this city more.
Anyways, it's been a busy couple of weeks. (I had to go back to see when I blogged the last time - it's been two weeks!) After the last round of chemo, I took a vacation to Nashville. Amie, one of my best friends in high school, invited me to visit, and I took her up on it. I've always wanted to go to Nashville, and how better to visit than with an old friend?
It was an amazing trip! I had an opportunity to meet with Brian Mansfield, a fellow colon cancer survivor who is writing about his journey in USA Today. He hosts what's called Flash Friday lunches, where he tells people to meet at a given restaurant on a given date/time, and it's usually a smaller place that's off the beaten path. We went to a small bistro-like place called "The Yellow Porch", and it was awesome! Great people, fabulous food....definitely a good time. And, Brian is a genuinely nice person who is trying to figure out how to use what he's been diagnosed with to help others. I look forward to seeing him make a difference....
Friday afternoon, Amie's husband JD took us to the shooting range. I have never done anything like that before, so it was definitely an experience. :)
Saturday, we went to the Jack Daniels Distillery in Lynchberg, TN. I wasn't sure what to expect - what a gorgeous place! Lots of history! And, our tour guide? Hysterical! She was a cancer survivor, and she told me to keep fighting. Betty was awesome. There was also another lady on the tour that was going through chemo for colon cancer - such a small world.
After we toured the JD facility, we went on a tour of the town of Lynchburg. It is this quaint little town that reminded me of the town from the movie "My Cousin Vinny" - small, adorable. I loved it.
Saturday night, we went out to downtown Nashville for a night on the town! I definitely want to go back! Lots of amazing country music, cowboys, tight jeans, cowboy hats, boots, and southern twang? Yes, please!
One of the bars we went into, called Legends Corner, was awesome. We no sooner walked in, and the band started playing my song, "If You're Going Through Hell." Hell yeah!!!! I got a chance to meet the lead singer, John Karl, and tell him why that song was so important to me. He was happy to chat with me and snap a picture.
Sunday morning, Amie and I went to a place called The Pancake Place for breakfast....it was awesome! I absolutely loved it - I wanted to have good ole, down home Southern cooking, and I got it. Delish!
Here are some pictures from that trip! I think I have officially moved my remission party from Vegas to Nashville.....I definitely want to go back and explore this city more.
Amie and
I at dinner on Wednesday night - Mexican restaurant. Yum!
At the
shooting range on Friday...all decked out!
Me, Amie
and JD at the Jack Daniels Distillery, just before the tour
Just a
cool photo....
Things
you don't see in Arizona, or New York....may have to try one of these Moon
Pies.
At the
Ryman Auditorium....next time, I want to go inside.
I was in
Tennessee - it was just a matter of time before we found Elvis!
Hat
shopping....I still want to get this one!
Amie and
I at Legends....before my song came on.
Meeting
John Karl......adore him!
This was the line to wait to get into The Pancake Place. It was totally worth it.
I tried to finish it
all.....sweet potato pancakes, grits and cheese, coffee. Yum!
Comments:
Carol
Pack Urban said...
Congrats
on getting away!!! Looks like an awesome time and you needed it!
August
13, 2012 at 3:13 PM
Later:
In an
effort to try to get my brain back on track, I started back at the gym about
three weeks ago. At first, the intention was only to try to get back into
running, slowly but surely. After a bit, I've realized that working out,
even if it's only for 20 minutes of walking on the treadmill, getting to the
gym is going to be an essential part of my emotional stability and recovery.
I haven't been now in almost a week, and my sanity is hanging on my
threads. I've been struggling for the past couple of days, and I couldn't
figure out why. I thought it was maybe anticipation and anxiety of the
upcoming chemo this Thursday. Then, it dawned on me this morning - I
haven't been in almost a week.
It hit me, then, that while working out is an important part of my physical recovery, it's going to be an absolutely essential part of my emotional recovery. So, I need to schedule time at the gym. Unless someone wants to donate a treadmill? :) It would be so much easier if I could do this at home - I find that walking/running is a surefire way for me to recenter.
Part of the reason I haven't been in a week is that I returned to work this past week. It's only part-time (8-10 hours a week), but it's enough for me to feel like I'm getting back to "normal," for whatever that means. For me, right now, it's getting back to the things I had to put on hold when I was re-diagnosed.
Work was good - tiring, but good. It was nice to get to see everyone, and to feel like I'm being productive again. I have a new boss, and it was good to get to meet him, and to feel like I can help him as he transitions into this new role. I go back again tomorrow, when we have a meeting with the entire staff, and I'm excited to see everyone. And, aside from all that, it's so good to see and thank, in person, all the people who have been so generous with their time and money. It's helped us, so much!
It's the weekend before chemo, so I'm feeling pretty good. Other than struggling a little bit with my emotional status, I'm physically feeling well. I am hoping to get back at the gym this week at least once or twice, and to get back at it as soon as possible after this upcoming chemo.
*sigh* Chemo. I really hate that I have to go through it again. I feel so damn good once I recover that it's hard to want to walk into CTCA and to walk into the infusion room willingly. I took my father-in-law on a tour of the facility this afternoon, and while it was nice to show him the amazing facility, it was hard walking into the infusion room. I just hate it. I know I have to do it, but I hate it.
This week, I've been really feeling anxious about the next round. I'm so damn nervous that my CEA is going to be to shoot up, or creep up, or in some way, reflect that the chemo has stopped working. I really think part of it is the fact that I haven't gone to the gym and given my brain time to recenter. I also think part of it is that I am just done. I am so done with all of this. I cannot wait until I can be done with chemo altogether. This time.
Physically, I'm starting to see some of the long-term effects of chemo. My body is taking longer and longer to heal, even from something as simple as a paper cut. The Erbitux is kicking in again, which means I started with breakouts again. Nothing like it was before, but still - I thought it was done. I'm ready for this all to be over.
I'm also sick of being bald. I know this is a very minimal thing, in the grand scheme of things, but the looks, the stares, the questioning glances, the pity, the comments...they are getting old. Very old. The "ew" heard from a kid in the mall. The "how long have you been battling breast cancer" questions. Yes....they are all getting old. Again, I know it's not a big deal. But, I'm done. I can't grow my hair out; it gets to about 1/2", and it starts to hurt my scalp. Not cool.
I did get to do something cool this weekend. Yesterday, I got to meet Jenny Lawson, who is "The Bloggess." Note: If you are offended by foul language, you won't want to read her blog. Otherwise, read on. Her stories are often mind-blowingly funny, and her book is a very real testiment to how hysterical life can be, even if you're dealing with a life-altering calamity (in her case, anxiety disorder and depression). She was on a book tour and came to Phoenix, so I convinced Akemi to join me. It was awesome - she read my favorite chapter of the book, and did a Q&A. Then, she signed copies of her book and took photos.
It hit me, then, that while working out is an important part of my physical recovery, it's going to be an absolutely essential part of my emotional recovery. So, I need to schedule time at the gym. Unless someone wants to donate a treadmill? :) It would be so much easier if I could do this at home - I find that walking/running is a surefire way for me to recenter.
Part of the reason I haven't been in a week is that I returned to work this past week. It's only part-time (8-10 hours a week), but it's enough for me to feel like I'm getting back to "normal," for whatever that means. For me, right now, it's getting back to the things I had to put on hold when I was re-diagnosed.
Work was good - tiring, but good. It was nice to get to see everyone, and to feel like I'm being productive again. I have a new boss, and it was good to get to meet him, and to feel like I can help him as he transitions into this new role. I go back again tomorrow, when we have a meeting with the entire staff, and I'm excited to see everyone. And, aside from all that, it's so good to see and thank, in person, all the people who have been so generous with their time and money. It's helped us, so much!
It's the weekend before chemo, so I'm feeling pretty good. Other than struggling a little bit with my emotional status, I'm physically feeling well. I am hoping to get back at the gym this week at least once or twice, and to get back at it as soon as possible after this upcoming chemo.
*sigh* Chemo. I really hate that I have to go through it again. I feel so damn good once I recover that it's hard to want to walk into CTCA and to walk into the infusion room willingly. I took my father-in-law on a tour of the facility this afternoon, and while it was nice to show him the amazing facility, it was hard walking into the infusion room. I just hate it. I know I have to do it, but I hate it.
This week, I've been really feeling anxious about the next round. I'm so damn nervous that my CEA is going to be to shoot up, or creep up, or in some way, reflect that the chemo has stopped working. I really think part of it is the fact that I haven't gone to the gym and given my brain time to recenter. I also think part of it is that I am just done. I am so done with all of this. I cannot wait until I can be done with chemo altogether. This time.
Physically, I'm starting to see some of the long-term effects of chemo. My body is taking longer and longer to heal, even from something as simple as a paper cut. The Erbitux is kicking in again, which means I started with breakouts again. Nothing like it was before, but still - I thought it was done. I'm ready for this all to be over.
I'm also sick of being bald. I know this is a very minimal thing, in the grand scheme of things, but the looks, the stares, the questioning glances, the pity, the comments...they are getting old. Very old. The "ew" heard from a kid in the mall. The "how long have you been battling breast cancer" questions. Yes....they are all getting old. Again, I know it's not a big deal. But, I'm done. I can't grow my hair out; it gets to about 1/2", and it starts to hurt my scalp. Not cool.
I did get to do something cool this weekend. Yesterday, I got to meet Jenny Lawson, who is "The Bloggess." Note: If you are offended by foul language, you won't want to read her blog. Otherwise, read on. Her stories are often mind-blowingly funny, and her book is a very real testiment to how hysterical life can be, even if you're dealing with a life-altering calamity (in her case, anxiety disorder and depression). She was on a book tour and came to Phoenix, so I convinced Akemi to join me. It was awesome - she read my favorite chapter of the book, and did a Q&A. Then, she signed copies of her book and took photos.
I am so in love with her. She's amazing. And, she's
working on a new book. This makes my heart so happy!
The kid start school in the morning. They are so excited!
Julia is going into 5th grade, and Kevin starts 1st grade. They are
growing up so damn fast....I am so proud of the kids they have become, and I
love watching them grow into these wonderful people.
All right
- I need to get to bed. So, I'll try to post more often, and I'll
definitely post after my med-onc appt this Thursday.
Comments:
I'm
Nic. said...
*Breast
cancer*...yes, because if you're female and have cancer it must be of the
breast. *eye roll* Congratulations on going back to work!!! No one appreciates
the 9-5 routine until a critical illness disrupts it. And we have another thing
in common - we both have 1st graders! Pud starts the first grade in a few
weeks...eeek! Wishing you a quick recovery from your next chemo cycle!
August
13, 2012 at 5:20 AM
audrey said...
Hi
First of all let me send lots of love and support to you while you do this treatment. CC sucks and although I have been NED for 6 years I still remember (vividly) chemo. Even today am living with the after effects ...numb tingling feet and hands.
Anyway I have a beautiful ( barely used ) treadmill that I would love for you to have. Perhaps there is someway that we could shuttle it to you from Virginia! I'm ready to go 4hrs or so. Wonder if any other readers can help?
Audrey
First of all let me send lots of love and support to you while you do this treatment. CC sucks and although I have been NED for 6 years I still remember (vividly) chemo. Even today am living with the after effects ...numb tingling feet and hands.
Anyway I have a beautiful ( barely used ) treadmill that I would love for you to have. Perhaps there is someway that we could shuttle it to you from Virginia! I'm ready to go 4hrs or so. Wonder if any other readers can help?
Audrey
August
13, 2012 at 8:05 AM
I
remember that going to work gave me a feeling of a life outside of cancer even
if it was only once a week and an hour or two.
It felt like I had a reason to get up. A purpose to my life other than being a cancer patient. Kudos to you!
It felt like I had a reason to get up. A purpose to my life other than being a cancer patient. Kudos to you!
August
13, 2012 at 3:19 PM
I
have seen my dad to fight with cancer so i know what person feels in
this situation.
September
21, 2012 at 10:09 PM
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