Yesterday,
I was in a bitchy mood. I mean, the kind of mood where, if someone
*breathed* wrong, I lost it. It took me a while to figure out why I was
so moody, so irritable, so bitchy.
For the past several months, my whole life's focus has been on cancer. It's been on me, fighting this, recovering from that, reactions, doctor's appointments, PT and OT, chemo.....all of these necessary and understandable, but yesterday, it all pissed me off.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't take this the wrong way. I don't mean that I'm done fighting or that I'm calling it quits. Not at all.
I just desperately, desperately want to do something that is in no way related to cancer.
In addition to that, I've been stay-at-home-mom-ing for several months now. I realized last night that this is part of the bitchy mood. I was not made to be a stay-at-home mom. I need the adult interaction, the conversations, the relationships that have nothing to do with cancer. And, since I'm not working (and won't be going back anytime soon), it's hard to build those relationships, to have those conversations, to live a life without cancer.
As I lay in bed last night, I realized that the one thing that always helped when I started feeling like this was running. And, since I can't do that, I'm struggling with how to deal with these emotions.
I have a friend who asked me if I can join her on a tour of a local winery this weekend. I'm not much of a wine drinking, but I'm going to go, if for no other reason than it won't have anything at all to do with homework, my kids, or my cancer.
Now, before I get slaughtered about the comment regarding my kids, let me say that I love my kids more than life itself. I would lay my life on the line for them, and I would gladly give up my life to save theirs. But, I've been with my kids non-stop for many months, and I need a break. Thank goodness for school.
I am still in a not-so-fun mood, but I'm trying to move past it. I'm trying to plan some things around the doctor's appointments, etc., that will give me the chance to live a life not related to cancer, and that will give me the much needed mental break from what I'm going through.
I wonder....do other cancer patients feel this way? If so, how do you handle it?
For the past several months, my whole life's focus has been on cancer. It's been on me, fighting this, recovering from that, reactions, doctor's appointments, PT and OT, chemo.....all of these necessary and understandable, but yesterday, it all pissed me off.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't take this the wrong way. I don't mean that I'm done fighting or that I'm calling it quits. Not at all.
I just desperately, desperately want to do something that is in no way related to cancer.
In addition to that, I've been stay-at-home-mom-ing for several months now. I realized last night that this is part of the bitchy mood. I was not made to be a stay-at-home mom. I need the adult interaction, the conversations, the relationships that have nothing to do with cancer. And, since I'm not working (and won't be going back anytime soon), it's hard to build those relationships, to have those conversations, to live a life without cancer.
As I lay in bed last night, I realized that the one thing that always helped when I started feeling like this was running. And, since I can't do that, I'm struggling with how to deal with these emotions.
I have a friend who asked me if I can join her on a tour of a local winery this weekend. I'm not much of a wine drinking, but I'm going to go, if for no other reason than it won't have anything at all to do with homework, my kids, or my cancer.
Now, before I get slaughtered about the comment regarding my kids, let me say that I love my kids more than life itself. I would lay my life on the line for them, and I would gladly give up my life to save theirs. But, I've been with my kids non-stop for many months, and I need a break. Thank goodness for school.
I am still in a not-so-fun mood, but I'm trying to move past it. I'm trying to plan some things around the doctor's appointments, etc., that will give me the chance to live a life not related to cancer, and that will give me the much needed mental break from what I'm going through.
I wonder....do other cancer patients feel this way? If so, how do you handle it?
Comments:
Carol
Pack Urban said...
The
wine tour sounds like so much fun!! Enjoy yourself!!
August
19, 2013 at 11:18 AM
hey,
don't you think you've earned the right to do pretty much anything you want
that doesn't actually harm your husband or kids? I vote yes. Go on the wine
tour. Do whatever works.
August
20, 2013 at 12:56 PM
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