So, I
woke up this morning and my tummy was upset. I couldn't figure out what
was going on, until it dawned on me. I have chemo tomorrow. And it hit me
- I didn't even know I was starting to panic about how tomorrow is going to go.
I know I need to go in - I, as much as anyone else, gets that this *has* to happen. The chemo is necessary. My CEA is up to 9.7....not anywhere near where I expected it to be, considering I've been off chemo for 2 months, and I've been so weak. But, it's definitely up there, and I need to fight.
Honestly, it's been nice having a break where I didn't have to schedule my life around chemo. I'll get back to that point again. Meantime, I'm trying to deal with the butterflies in my stomach.
I had occupational therapy this week, and I had an evaluation with physical therapy yesterday. Together, those two disciplines, along with chiro and my massage therapist, are working on a plan that will (hopefully) get my back back in order, and get me to a point where I'm much stronger physically (and thus, emotionally). I broke down in the eval yesterday. I was trying to explain how frustrated I am with my body's lack of strength, of stamina, of capability. And, I think it just hit me all at once, just how damn weak I am. I don't mean emotionally, etc. But, the physical has such a part in how the emotional plays out, and seeing my body be where it is, compared to where is was 18 months ago (working out 3-4 times a week, walking and running, working out with a trainer...), it was hard to really put it into works. We both cried, and she assured me that they are going to work to get me as close to that per-cancer capability as possible. And, the stronger my body is, the more we can kick this cancer's ass.
This isn't going to be a long post. I need to make dinner, get things ready for tomorrow....I was going to do all of this earlier, but my stomach was bothering me when I got home, and I took a (very long and unintended) 3 hour nap.
I'm here. I'm as ready for tomorrow as I think I'll ever be. Here's hoping I'm able to blog sooner, rather than later. Wish me luck for tomorrow. And, for good sleep tonight, too. :)
<3 p="">
I know I need to go in - I, as much as anyone else, gets that this *has* to happen. The chemo is necessary. My CEA is up to 9.7....not anywhere near where I expected it to be, considering I've been off chemo for 2 months, and I've been so weak. But, it's definitely up there, and I need to fight.
Honestly, it's been nice having a break where I didn't have to schedule my life around chemo. I'll get back to that point again. Meantime, I'm trying to deal with the butterflies in my stomach.
I had occupational therapy this week, and I had an evaluation with physical therapy yesterday. Together, those two disciplines, along with chiro and my massage therapist, are working on a plan that will (hopefully) get my back back in order, and get me to a point where I'm much stronger physically (and thus, emotionally). I broke down in the eval yesterday. I was trying to explain how frustrated I am with my body's lack of strength, of stamina, of capability. And, I think it just hit me all at once, just how damn weak I am. I don't mean emotionally, etc. But, the physical has such a part in how the emotional plays out, and seeing my body be where it is, compared to where is was 18 months ago (working out 3-4 times a week, walking and running, working out with a trainer...), it was hard to really put it into works. We both cried, and she assured me that they are going to work to get me as close to that per-cancer capability as possible. And, the stronger my body is, the more we can kick this cancer's ass.
This isn't going to be a long post. I need to make dinner, get things ready for tomorrow....I was going to do all of this earlier, but my stomach was bothering me when I got home, and I took a (very long and unintended) 3 hour nap.
I'm here. I'm as ready for tomorrow as I think I'll ever be. Here's hoping I'm able to blog sooner, rather than later. Wish me luck for tomorrow. And, for good sleep tonight, too. :)
<3 p="">
Comments:
Joan
B said...
much
luck wished! hugs
August
1, 2013 at 6:09 PM
Good
Luck My Friend (((Big Hugs)))
August
1, 2013 at 9:59 PM
Heres
hoping it all goes well with the chemo, that runningit slower works like a
charm. Wishing you strength, stamina and pain relief as soon as possible.
Love love.....Laura
Love love.....Laura
August
2, 2013 at 1:43 PM
Thinking
of you and hoping all went well!
August
2, 2013 at 7:11 PM
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