APRIL 29, 2013

Monday Monday.....

I thought I'd give you all a little bit of an earworm today.  Fortunately, it's not gloomy or icky here - instead, it's gorgeous, sunny and warm...just a beautiful day!  But, I needed a catchy title (after 500+ posts, it gets hard to be creative...).  So, there you go.

I had a good weekend.  Levi and I went to Sedona for the weekend, and it was spectacular.  We had never been up there, and I wanted to something before this next phase of treatment starts.  Thanks to my parents, we were able to go.  It was just gorgeous!

I'm going to try to post more, now that I'm starting to feel better.  It's been just over a week since I finished treatment and rang the bell.  Hey - want to see some of the pictures from me ringing the bell?  :)  Pics courtesy of my amazing friend, Leah.

The final day of treatment was delayed because the machine went down, so there was a lot of drama and waiting (anxiously) for this to happen so I could ring that damn bell.  I know there is a  long road ahead, but man, did it feel good to ring that bell. 

This was as I was walking out, after having finished my final treatment.  What I love about this is that the team is behind me, literally, and there to support you through the tough times and through the celebrations.  

 

Ringing the bell, with Jules right there to celebrate with me!

You can't see it well in this picture, but I took Rodney (well, his CD) into the final treatment with me.  I cried as the first chords of "Going Thru Hell" played, and couldn't stop.  It was awesome, hearing that as I finished what was undoubtedly the hardest treatment I've had thus far.  

I love this picture.  I love how tight my little man is holding onto me, and me onto him.  

He didn't want to let go....and, Dr. Chong (my rad onc) stood right there with us as we celebrated this small but important victory! 

My rad onc team and my family - I love this picture.  

I can honestly say that radiation was the hardest thing I've had to do.  It was the combination of chemo and rads, but also, the area that was being radiated.  It was such a large area, and my body was just tired.  There wasn't much of a break (weekends off only, and even then, that doesn't give you the time you need to recoup), and the side effects just built up.

I learned a lot from this treatment.  I learned the art of resting, and accepting that it's okay to do that.  I learned that I still don't sit well, and that I need to have something productive to do while I'm resting.  I learned that it is important, essential even, to ask for help, and that it's a two-way street.  People desperately want to help you, and it's okay to accept that assistance.  It doesn't show weakness......rather, it shows a certain strength in putting your needs first, and in allowing others to do for you.  

I'm grateful for people who are willing to help.  I'm completely indebted to them.  I will do my best to pay it forward and to help someone else, as a way to honor what others have done for me. 

I think one of the other things that has hit me as I fought this battle was this....how I act, what I accept, what I reject, how I respond - all of these are lessons for me, but more importantly, for my kids.  I saw my children change over the past two months - they are more willing to ask for help, and to help me/others out.  

I love this.  

It's so important for people to recognize that we can't do everything.  We want to, and knowing it won't stop us from trying.  I know that I am still, even now, trying to do as much as possible. I think the difference is that I've learned that it's okay that the house isn't clean before I go to bed, or before someone comes over.  (I've adopted the theory that, if they don't like it, they can pick up a broom and start cleaning...)  I've learned that my kids can do so much more than I/they think they can.  I've learned that dinners don't have to be elaborate affairs, and the kids are perfectly happy with pancakes for dinner.  :)

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I have other topics I am going to post about, as I start to gain my strength (and brain power) back.  I want to talk about dignity, which is something that isn't always kept while you're going through a medical issue.  I want to talk about some issues that I've learned about that are often taboo and I've never heard others talk about.  (I promise, this topic will come with a warning, since it involves issues I don't want to talk about with people at work....LOL!)  I also want to talk about how my treatment and disease have affected my marriage.  I know I've talked with some of you about the difficulties Levi and I have faced, and I'll be honest with you all - I was ready to leave him.  Luckily, we both worked at it, have been seeing counselors, and I'm happy to say that we spent the past weekend together, in Sedona, and I fell back in love with my husband.  I am so grateful that he loves me enough to fight for our relationship.  

On that note, have a fabulous day.  More to come, I can assure you of that.  

Comments:

Juanignacio Porras said...

Congratulations from Madrid, Spain.
I am glad that you have finished this strong round of your treatment
I was impatiently waiting for your latest news and a little worried.
I wrote back in August and I told you that I am also a fighter against stage 4 colon cancer. Now things are not going very well but I can not give up, because I promised it my amazing three year-old son.
Your thoughts are very real and perfectly reflect the life we ​​have to live
Tomorrow I have another more surgery and besides I am on chemotherapy for long time
Best wishes
Juan Ignacio

April 30, 2013 at 10:55 AM

 Carol Pack Urban said...

Awesome! I've continued to pray for you and your family. Such a wonderful photo of you, your son and the doctors and staff surrounding you as you rang that bell! I know they look forward to patients ending treatment and continuing on with their lives!!!

April 30, 2013 at 11:53 AM