Not the
ones where you hope and wish about amazing things in your future. I'm
referring to the dreams you have at night, when your brain goes into overdrive,
and you process thoughts about things that you don't want to think about
consciously.
Why do I bring this up? because Friday night, I had an awful dream. I dreamt that my cancer came back. It had spread to my liver, and the doctor's were shocked and had no reason, no logic, and no way to help me. In my dream, I ended up at CTCA, which is okay. If this ever happens, that's where I want to go.
The dream brought to light a whole bunch of thoughts in my head, and it's really thrown me for a loop. I've been trying to figure out why I had this dream, and it bothers me because I can't link it to a single fact, event, or something like that that might have triggered these thoughts in my head.
I worry, because I wonder if my brain is telling me, hey...get ready for another fight.
It really set me on edge. I know that, if this does happen, I'll fight like hell. I still have too much to do, and I am not ready at all to head off into the sunset. If my cancer does come back, I'm going to beat it - again. But, I don't want to have to fight again.
I think part of it is that my life is finally getting back to a semblence of normalcy - Levi's home, he's working, the kids are doing well, and life seems pretty good. Is this my brain's way of warning me about the impending "other foot"?
I hope not. I am really looking forward to a stretch of calm road.
But, if the cancer has decided to come back, I say......bring it, bitch. You're dead meat.
Why do I bring this up? because Friday night, I had an awful dream. I dreamt that my cancer came back. It had spread to my liver, and the doctor's were shocked and had no reason, no logic, and no way to help me. In my dream, I ended up at CTCA, which is okay. If this ever happens, that's where I want to go.
The dream brought to light a whole bunch of thoughts in my head, and it's really thrown me for a loop. I've been trying to figure out why I had this dream, and it bothers me because I can't link it to a single fact, event, or something like that that might have triggered these thoughts in my head.
I worry, because I wonder if my brain is telling me, hey...get ready for another fight.
It really set me on edge. I know that, if this does happen, I'll fight like hell. I still have too much to do, and I am not ready at all to head off into the sunset. If my cancer does come back, I'm going to beat it - again. But, I don't want to have to fight again.
I think part of it is that my life is finally getting back to a semblence of normalcy - Levi's home, he's working, the kids are doing well, and life seems pretty good. Is this my brain's way of warning me about the impending "other foot"?
I hope not. I am really looking forward to a stretch of calm road.
But, if the cancer has decided to come back, I say......bring it, bitch. You're dead meat.
Comments:
Heat said...
I
have cancer dreams sometimes. I don't think it's your body sending you a
message. (Did it warn you the first time? Why would it warn you now?) I think
it's that little part of your brain that is completely suppressed most of the
time getting it's time to come out and play.
"Whew! I'm glad that was just a dream!"
"Whew! I'm glad that was just a dream!"
February
15, 2010 at 9:22 AM
I
think everyone lives with the fear of recurrence. It's tucked away but its
always there. It comes out in dreams, and makes a big appearance come screening
time.
:) But, you are a positive thinker!
I know you have a lot to celebrate in your life right now. So, cling to that and tell that dream to take a hike!
:) But, you are a positive thinker!
I know you have a lot to celebrate in your life right now. So, cling to that and tell that dream to take a hike!
February
15, 2010 at 9:17 PM
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