Another
rambling post - sorry about this. I have found that using my blog to vent
my thoughts helps me deal with what I'm facing - sometimes, that means that it
may not make a whole lot of sense to the reader. Hopefully, you'll
indulge me. I won't be offended if you don't read this. :)
*************************************************
I'm sitting here, cherishing my coffee and water and oatmeal. After 6am, I can't eat or drink anything. Stupid port surgery. But, it's all good - I'm going to put chicken in the crockpot for dinner tonight. Mmmm....
Looking in the mirror this morning, I realized that it was the last time I'd be looking at my body this way. It will change irreparably today. Either my original port scar will be opened again, or they will create a new one. (Here's hoping they create a new one...I don't want them to mess up my tattoo.) Today is the start of a new chapter in my life, one that I never hoped I'd have to write. It's the beginning of a journey that I never, ever planned to take. Honestly, who does?
Four years ago, I felt so alone. I spent the first four months of my treatment thinking I was some sort of freak of nature, that I was the only person under the age of 50 diagnosed with colon cancer. Since then, I've found out that I'm part of a group of people (well, several groups) that are just amazing. The young adult cancer community is unbelievable, and I'm so so so proud to be part of it. Other colon cancer survivors lift me up every day. Their resilience, their strength, their optimism, their honesty is what inspires me to live a good life.
I woke up this morning to find out that my Mission: Remission group on facebook has over 300 people in it. That's 300 people that are supporting me, that care enough to want to join, that are curious in some fashion about what I'm going through. 300. I'm blown away. $700 has been raised to help my family pay for medical expenses. This is huge, since my out-of-pocket expenses (at least immediately) are pretty steep, and anything helps. It will help me pursue homeopathic and naturopathic remedies to help me deal with the side effects, rather than relying on prescription drugs solely. Hopefully, it will help ease my husband's mind. He's working in California this week, and can't be here with me. I don't know what he's feeling, or how he's handling this. We don't get to talk much while he's on work travel. That part sucks.
Sorry - rambling again.
So, today is port day. Before I get to that point, I have to get the kids ready for school, take them in and let the teachers and administration know what's going on (I hate to be the bearer of bad news...), and hopefully get my hair cut. Don't panic - I'm keeping my funky spiky style - I just need a trim. :) This time 'round, I'm not going to change much drastically. I'm keeping my funky hair cut (need to get my color done too...hmmm...), I'm going to continue to wear my big hoop earrings, my rings, and wear what I want (within reason). Keeping my sense of self is very important to me this time around. I feel like living my life MY WAY in spite of my cancer is the best way to tell it to eff off.
Off I go - wish me luck! I'll try to update tonight, maybe with pictures. Lucky you!
*************************************************
I'm sitting here, cherishing my coffee and water and oatmeal. After 6am, I can't eat or drink anything. Stupid port surgery. But, it's all good - I'm going to put chicken in the crockpot for dinner tonight. Mmmm....
Looking in the mirror this morning, I realized that it was the last time I'd be looking at my body this way. It will change irreparably today. Either my original port scar will be opened again, or they will create a new one. (Here's hoping they create a new one...I don't want them to mess up my tattoo.) Today is the start of a new chapter in my life, one that I never hoped I'd have to write. It's the beginning of a journey that I never, ever planned to take. Honestly, who does?
Four years ago, I felt so alone. I spent the first four months of my treatment thinking I was some sort of freak of nature, that I was the only person under the age of 50 diagnosed with colon cancer. Since then, I've found out that I'm part of a group of people (well, several groups) that are just amazing. The young adult cancer community is unbelievable, and I'm so so so proud to be part of it. Other colon cancer survivors lift me up every day. Their resilience, their strength, their optimism, their honesty is what inspires me to live a good life.
I woke up this morning to find out that my Mission: Remission group on facebook has over 300 people in it. That's 300 people that are supporting me, that care enough to want to join, that are curious in some fashion about what I'm going through. 300. I'm blown away. $700 has been raised to help my family pay for medical expenses. This is huge, since my out-of-pocket expenses (at least immediately) are pretty steep, and anything helps. It will help me pursue homeopathic and naturopathic remedies to help me deal with the side effects, rather than relying on prescription drugs solely. Hopefully, it will help ease my husband's mind. He's working in California this week, and can't be here with me. I don't know what he's feeling, or how he's handling this. We don't get to talk much while he's on work travel. That part sucks.
Sorry - rambling again.
So, today is port day. Before I get to that point, I have to get the kids ready for school, take them in and let the teachers and administration know what's going on (I hate to be the bearer of bad news...), and hopefully get my hair cut. Don't panic - I'm keeping my funky spiky style - I just need a trim. :) This time 'round, I'm not going to change much drastically. I'm keeping my funky hair cut (need to get my color done too...hmmm...), I'm going to continue to wear my big hoop earrings, my rings, and wear what I want (within reason). Keeping my sense of self is very important to me this time around. I feel like living my life MY WAY in spite of my cancer is the best way to tell it to eff off.
Off I go - wish me luck! I'll try to update tonight, maybe with pictures. Lucky you!
Comments:
Carol
Pack Urban said...
Great
post! Totally understand what you're feeling right now. Just know, you can get
through this. Love ya, girlfriend.
March
26, 2012 at 6:19 AM
Good
luck with the portation! At least you know what to expect with it this time. I
completely understand the venting through your blog - that's exactly what I do.
One suggestion for chemo nausea is to use Seabands - they are primarily for sea
sickness but also recommended for chemotherapy. We are all supporting you.
March
26, 2012 at 4:23 PM
I
experienced no side effects on Camptosar except for thinning hair.
March
26, 2012 at 7:38 PM
chaoticfamily said...
So
inspired by your post... Keeping you in my thoughts, hope the port surgery goes
well and I'm looking forward to reading about how you continue to kick some
cancer butt.
Erinne
Erinne
March
26, 2012 at 10:54 PM
I've
requested to join the FB group! This fellow blogger is behind you!
March
27, 2012 at 9:15 AM
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