First,
thanks to all that read this that are veterans, currently serving, in the
military, etc. Thank you to the families that support our military personnel. I
know that I wouldn't be able to write this blog without your service. You are
truly heroes in every sense of the word, and I take strength in your ability to
sacrifice. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
So, tomorrow's a big day. We find out if this evilness has spread. I really hope it hasn't. In my mind, this is the first really big hurdle. Obviously, the ideal situation is that this isn't cancer (there is the slightest chance - I have hope.) If it is, then the next best scenario would be that it hasn't spread.
We haven't told Julia anything yet. I am going to talk with her today. Basically, we are going to keep it simple. The doctors need to help Mommy feel better, so she is going to be in the hospital for a few days. I am NOT going to tell her it's cancer. Yet. If the time comes that we need to, we will cross that bridge then. Until then, all she needs to know is that the doctors are going to fix me.
Levi and I are trying to keep busy today. I think that's the best thing to do. He is cleaning out the garage, making room for the car and truck. Apparently, there have been a rash of gas thieves in the area, and he wants to try to avoid this, if possible. His concern isn't so much that they are going to get the gas - it's the method they are using. If the can't get the gas cap off, they drill a hole in the gas tank and drain it that way. Hmph - I know times are tough, but is it that bad? I guess for some it is. Hard to imagine. I spent the morning paying bills, trying to get things in order, and moving a bunch of songs to my new MP3 player (Jimmy, Bob and Greg - I finally got one!!!) I am psyched - we had a bunch of songs that I forgot about, and some that made me laugh. My theme song for the day? "You've Got To Fight for the Right to Party" by the Beastie Boys. :-) Isn't that perfect?!?!
Kevin is napping now - I think both kids can feel that something isn't right. With Kevin, it's a bit easier to, well, ignore. With Julia, not so much.
I spoke with my prof for class yesterday. He suggested that I try to stick this class out - he was diagnosed with cancer (two small spots on his bladder) when he was in the beginning of a doctoral class, and he found that having the classwork to focus on was a good distraction. I am going to try - so much is riding on the outcome of the biopsy and the cat scan tomorrow. That will really determine what I will be able to do in the near future.
I think that's it for now. As I said, I am going to try to update you as the days go by. Today I have a special diet I have to follow - same as yesterday. It isn't too bad, but it still isn't fun. Low sugar, low carbs, high protein. Basically, meats, dairy, fruits, vegs, etc are okay. All the good stuff (bread, sweets, etc.) is off limits. Bummer. Tomorrow is going to be tough too, though there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel for tomorrow. I can't eat anything after 9am, and can only drink water after that time, in preparation for the cat scan. And, b/c of the surgery on Wednesday, I have to be on an all-liquid diet on Tuesday. But, the saving grace? The nurse I spoke with on Friday said that I can have a milkshake on Tuesday night. So, my treat to myself will be a big milkshake (I haven't decided a flavor yet....) after the cat scan. Let's hope it's a celebratory milkshake.
Here's to tomorrow....
So, tomorrow's a big day. We find out if this evilness has spread. I really hope it hasn't. In my mind, this is the first really big hurdle. Obviously, the ideal situation is that this isn't cancer (there is the slightest chance - I have hope.) If it is, then the next best scenario would be that it hasn't spread.
We haven't told Julia anything yet. I am going to talk with her today. Basically, we are going to keep it simple. The doctors need to help Mommy feel better, so she is going to be in the hospital for a few days. I am NOT going to tell her it's cancer. Yet. If the time comes that we need to, we will cross that bridge then. Until then, all she needs to know is that the doctors are going to fix me.
Levi and I are trying to keep busy today. I think that's the best thing to do. He is cleaning out the garage, making room for the car and truck. Apparently, there have been a rash of gas thieves in the area, and he wants to try to avoid this, if possible. His concern isn't so much that they are going to get the gas - it's the method they are using. If the can't get the gas cap off, they drill a hole in the gas tank and drain it that way. Hmph - I know times are tough, but is it that bad? I guess for some it is. Hard to imagine. I spent the morning paying bills, trying to get things in order, and moving a bunch of songs to my new MP3 player (Jimmy, Bob and Greg - I finally got one!!!) I am psyched - we had a bunch of songs that I forgot about, and some that made me laugh. My theme song for the day? "You've Got To Fight for the Right to Party" by the Beastie Boys. :-) Isn't that perfect?!?!
Kevin is napping now - I think both kids can feel that something isn't right. With Kevin, it's a bit easier to, well, ignore. With Julia, not so much.
I spoke with my prof for class yesterday. He suggested that I try to stick this class out - he was diagnosed with cancer (two small spots on his bladder) when he was in the beginning of a doctoral class, and he found that having the classwork to focus on was a good distraction. I am going to try - so much is riding on the outcome of the biopsy and the cat scan tomorrow. That will really determine what I will be able to do in the near future.
I think that's it for now. As I said, I am going to try to update you as the days go by. Today I have a special diet I have to follow - same as yesterday. It isn't too bad, but it still isn't fun. Low sugar, low carbs, high protein. Basically, meats, dairy, fruits, vegs, etc are okay. All the good stuff (bread, sweets, etc.) is off limits. Bummer. Tomorrow is going to be tough too, though there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel for tomorrow. I can't eat anything after 9am, and can only drink water after that time, in preparation for the cat scan. And, b/c of the surgery on Wednesday, I have to be on an all-liquid diet on Tuesday. But, the saving grace? The nurse I spoke with on Friday said that I can have a milkshake on Tuesday night. So, my treat to myself will be a big milkshake (I haven't decided a flavor yet....) after the cat scan. Let's hope it's a celebratory milkshake.
Here's to tomorrow....
Comments:
Phil,
Sharon & Rachael said...
Hi
babe,
Ok, I don't think I've cried this as many times in 3 days as I have this weekend. But you know what? It's not a sad cry (ok, so the first one was a 'sad-freaked out-what the hell will I do w/out Michelle' cry :)), but after that it's mainly been tears of admiration and laughter (I'm sorry, you're funny when you're p*ssed :)), rage, hope.
So many thoughts have raced through my head the past few days, and this perspective actually might help? I was thinking... there have been so many people, perhaps far more worthy than us, who have had their lives snatched from them with little or no warning. No chance to say good bye. No last hug or kiss. No chance to reflect. No chance to realize the impact they've had on the lives of the ones who love them. No chance to meet Buzz Lightyear again.
We've been given an unpleasant little wake up call for sure, but with it, that hopeful chance to fight this. And God help us, fight it we will! No cancer has ever met our Michelle that's for damned sure, and no cancer's ever met her friends and family either! We might not be able to battle this one out beside you but we will all be living this each day with you. You will do fine tomorrow, and on Wed and all the days to come bec you're Michelle and Michelle always finds her way :) Just know that we will love you each step of that way, and we'll have that celebration in Vegas in soon enough!
Praying and thinking happy thoughts... will talk to ya later in the week :)
Ok, I don't think I've cried this as many times in 3 days as I have this weekend. But you know what? It's not a sad cry (ok, so the first one was a 'sad-freaked out-what the hell will I do w/out Michelle' cry :)), but after that it's mainly been tears of admiration and laughter (I'm sorry, you're funny when you're p*ssed :)), rage, hope.
So many thoughts have raced through my head the past few days, and this perspective actually might help? I was thinking... there have been so many people, perhaps far more worthy than us, who have had their lives snatched from them with little or no warning. No chance to say good bye. No last hug or kiss. No chance to reflect. No chance to realize the impact they've had on the lives of the ones who love them. No chance to meet Buzz Lightyear again.
We've been given an unpleasant little wake up call for sure, but with it, that hopeful chance to fight this. And God help us, fight it we will! No cancer has ever met our Michelle that's for damned sure, and no cancer's ever met her friends and family either! We might not be able to battle this one out beside you but we will all be living this each day with you. You will do fine tomorrow, and on Wed and all the days to come bec you're Michelle and Michelle always finds her way :) Just know that we will love you each step of that way, and we'll have that celebration in Vegas in soon enough!
Praying and thinking happy thoughts... will talk to ya later in the week :)
May
26, 2008 at 3:16 PM
Michelle,
I am so sorry you are going through this, your attitude is awesome and you hang tough! Yes! You will beat this!
I anxiously await the results of your scan today...I am hoping and praying all will be ok!!!
Many hugs and prayers coming your way!
Loveya!!!
I am so sorry you are going through this, your attitude is awesome and you hang tough! Yes! You will beat this!
I anxiously await the results of your scan today...I am hoping and praying all will be ok!!!
Many hugs and prayers coming your way!
Loveya!!!
May
27, 2008 at 6:50 PM
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