Well,
here it is. My first blog about my battle with cancer. Here's the scoop....
For about 5 or 6 months, I have been having some blood in my stool. Nothing really serious - just a little bit here and there. You know, enough to make you go, hmmmm. (Wasn't that a song?) Anyways, I happened to mention it to Levi in passing. Next thing I know, I am being told that I WILL go to the doctor's (his dad had similar issues). Okeedokee. So, I set the appointment, and am completely embarrassed to go. I mean, who wants to tell the doctor that they have blood on their poop. Really. He does a quick check for hemmorhoids, and while he is pretty sure that's what is causing this issue, he isn't 100% sure, and refers me to Dr. McConnell (and, I know she has a specialty, with a name and fancy lettering that goes after her name, but I can't remember her specialty for the life of me. We will call her the Butt Doctor, for now.)
Off to Dr. McConnells I go, about three weeks later. She does a check and says that since she doesn't see anything specific (meaning hemmorhoids) that are causing the bleeding, we should do a colonoscopy. Say what? I was pretty sure that I was safe from that malady until I was like 50. Nope - so that gets scheduled. I figure, I have time. Let's do it over the Memorial Day weekend, so I have time to recover.
Fast forward to this past Friday. After having only a liquid diet and then prepping (let's just say that it isn't a pretty picture, this prep process), I went in to the outpatient center on Friday morning, dreading the IV, looking forward to the meds that would knock me out, and really anticipating having a nice lunch with Levi after it was all said and done. The techs in the room were hysterical - they and Levi had me laughing right up until they knocked me out, even saying that they would be ready with the tube of Preparation H for me afterwards.
Recovery room: I wake up, and am told that I have cancer. They tell me about it, and show me color pictures. They can't give me a 100% diagnosis yet, since they had to send the tissue sample to the lab, but given my age and the tumor size, they are going to proceed as if it's cancer, and be aggressive about it. Okay. So wait - I have cancer? Yes. That's the short answer.
After they leave the room, I sat in the bed and cried, well, sobbed on Levi's shoulder for several minutes. What does this mean? Will I be alive in 6 months? Will I be able to see my kids grow up? Will I be able to celebrate another anniversary with Levi? Am I going to be able to finish my schooling? Will I be able to see what happens to Warrick and the team on CSI: in September when the new season starts? (Okay - that last one didn't really cross my mind, but you get the picture.)
The nurses and the doctors kept coming in, asking what they could do. Well, you could take this cancer out of me so I can go back to being Michelle, mom without cancer. Since they can't do that, they were able to tell me what they know. At this point, the facts are that I have a 5 cm tumor (about the size of a small lemon) in my colon. We are treating it as cancer at this point, until we hear differently (here's hoping...). Because it's cancer, they need to see if it has spread to other organs and/or lymph nodes. And, they need to get it out, now.
On that note, Tuesday afternoon (May 27) I have to go in for a CAT scan (I think they actually called it a PAT scan), which will tell them if the cancer has spread to other sites.***PLEASE pray that it hasn't.*** We will also get the results from the biopsy on Tuesday, and the two together will tell us what stage we are looking at, and what the road to recovery will be. Wednesday, I will be going in for surgery to remove about 4-5" of my colon, including the tumor (bastard that it is) and the polyps that have formed around it. It looks like I will be in there for about 3-5 nights, depending, of course, on how the surgery goes and how I recover from it all. The hospital, by the way, is Banner Thunderbird Hospital, in Glendale, AZ.
So, there you go. At this point, that's really all I know. I don't know what the prognosis from the doctors will be. I don't know what stage this is in, or whether it has spread. All I know at this point is that I am pissed at this. I don't have time for this. I have two kids to raise, a husband and family to love, a wedding to stand up for in August of 2009, schooling to finish, work to do, etc. So, while this wil curb some of those temporarily, it won't stop me. I am angry at this cancer. I have things to do. The cancer needs to die.
Goals at this point - obviously, short term is to make it through Tuesday's tests and be able to come out on the other side saying that this hasn't spread. If that doesn't happen, I will be even more angry and hurt, but we will deal. Wednesday - goal for this is to make it through the surgery with flying colors, and to have the doctors be able to remove everything they need to get out to ensure that I can finish my to-do list.
Longer term goals - I will wear a tee-shirt on my mom's birthday in 2009 that says "I BEAT CANCER!" When I get to the other side of this battle, I am going to get a tattoo. Right now, my idea is to get a tattoo on my chest, right near my heart, that says "Hope" or "Faith" in Celtic. Any other ideas?
Oh - and a girls weekend in Vegas. Anyone wanna join me?
So, there you go. I started this blog because I wanted people to have a place to get updates on my situation. We have called most of the people that need to know - I have left messages for some. If you didn't get a call - I'm sorry. I've been a little busy. :-)
At this point, my outlook is positive. I am convinced that I am going to make it through this, and be able to be an advocate for early colon screening. I am going to be the poster child for testing. I am going to keep up my spirits during this battle. I am going to win this war. If I need to go through chemo, I am going to get funky wigs (thinking a red mohawk and another one, blue, long straight hair). Mom has said that she will shave her head with me. I don't think that's really necessary, but there you go. :-) If you have funny jokes, please email them to me. I am going to need humor to help me get through this. Have any good books or movies I should check out? Let me know - I will have some time on my hands. Levi and I went to buy an MP3 player today for me - I am going to put sports anthems, rock songs, and other I'm-gonna-kick-your-ass music to help me get through this.
We have been blessed, truly. My mother arrived yesterday from NY, and is planning to stay until June 13, or longer if needed. My mother-in-law will be arriving soon, and my father-in-law will try to make it out soon as well. Both Levi and I have an amazing support group to help us through this, and believe me, we are going to need it. I am not normally a person to lean on others, but I think I can bend a bit for this.
People keep asking, are you okay? Nope - I have cancer. But, I am going to beat it. I am going to win. There isn't another option.
For about 5 or 6 months, I have been having some blood in my stool. Nothing really serious - just a little bit here and there. You know, enough to make you go, hmmmm. (Wasn't that a song?) Anyways, I happened to mention it to Levi in passing. Next thing I know, I am being told that I WILL go to the doctor's (his dad had similar issues). Okeedokee. So, I set the appointment, and am completely embarrassed to go. I mean, who wants to tell the doctor that they have blood on their poop. Really. He does a quick check for hemmorhoids, and while he is pretty sure that's what is causing this issue, he isn't 100% sure, and refers me to Dr. McConnell (and, I know she has a specialty, with a name and fancy lettering that goes after her name, but I can't remember her specialty for the life of me. We will call her the Butt Doctor, for now.)
Off to Dr. McConnells I go, about three weeks later. She does a check and says that since she doesn't see anything specific (meaning hemmorhoids) that are causing the bleeding, we should do a colonoscopy. Say what? I was pretty sure that I was safe from that malady until I was like 50. Nope - so that gets scheduled. I figure, I have time. Let's do it over the Memorial Day weekend, so I have time to recover.
Fast forward to this past Friday. After having only a liquid diet and then prepping (let's just say that it isn't a pretty picture, this prep process), I went in to the outpatient center on Friday morning, dreading the IV, looking forward to the meds that would knock me out, and really anticipating having a nice lunch with Levi after it was all said and done. The techs in the room were hysterical - they and Levi had me laughing right up until they knocked me out, even saying that they would be ready with the tube of Preparation H for me afterwards.
Recovery room: I wake up, and am told that I have cancer. They tell me about it, and show me color pictures. They can't give me a 100% diagnosis yet, since they had to send the tissue sample to the lab, but given my age and the tumor size, they are going to proceed as if it's cancer, and be aggressive about it. Okay. So wait - I have cancer? Yes. That's the short answer.
After they leave the room, I sat in the bed and cried, well, sobbed on Levi's shoulder for several minutes. What does this mean? Will I be alive in 6 months? Will I be able to see my kids grow up? Will I be able to celebrate another anniversary with Levi? Am I going to be able to finish my schooling? Will I be able to see what happens to Warrick and the team on CSI: in September when the new season starts? (Okay - that last one didn't really cross my mind, but you get the picture.)
The nurses and the doctors kept coming in, asking what they could do. Well, you could take this cancer out of me so I can go back to being Michelle, mom without cancer. Since they can't do that, they were able to tell me what they know. At this point, the facts are that I have a 5 cm tumor (about the size of a small lemon) in my colon. We are treating it as cancer at this point, until we hear differently (here's hoping...). Because it's cancer, they need to see if it has spread to other organs and/or lymph nodes. And, they need to get it out, now.
On that note, Tuesday afternoon (May 27) I have to go in for a CAT scan (I think they actually called it a PAT scan), which will tell them if the cancer has spread to other sites.***PLEASE pray that it hasn't.*** We will also get the results from the biopsy on Tuesday, and the two together will tell us what stage we are looking at, and what the road to recovery will be. Wednesday, I will be going in for surgery to remove about 4-5" of my colon, including the tumor (bastard that it is) and the polyps that have formed around it. It looks like I will be in there for about 3-5 nights, depending, of course, on how the surgery goes and how I recover from it all. The hospital, by the way, is Banner Thunderbird Hospital, in Glendale, AZ.
So, there you go. At this point, that's really all I know. I don't know what the prognosis from the doctors will be. I don't know what stage this is in, or whether it has spread. All I know at this point is that I am pissed at this. I don't have time for this. I have two kids to raise, a husband and family to love, a wedding to stand up for in August of 2009, schooling to finish, work to do, etc. So, while this wil curb some of those temporarily, it won't stop me. I am angry at this cancer. I have things to do. The cancer needs to die.
Goals at this point - obviously, short term is to make it through Tuesday's tests and be able to come out on the other side saying that this hasn't spread. If that doesn't happen, I will be even more angry and hurt, but we will deal. Wednesday - goal for this is to make it through the surgery with flying colors, and to have the doctors be able to remove everything they need to get out to ensure that I can finish my to-do list.
Longer term goals - I will wear a tee-shirt on my mom's birthday in 2009 that says "I BEAT CANCER!" When I get to the other side of this battle, I am going to get a tattoo. Right now, my idea is to get a tattoo on my chest, right near my heart, that says "Hope" or "Faith" in Celtic. Any other ideas?
Oh - and a girls weekend in Vegas. Anyone wanna join me?
So, there you go. I started this blog because I wanted people to have a place to get updates on my situation. We have called most of the people that need to know - I have left messages for some. If you didn't get a call - I'm sorry. I've been a little busy. :-)
At this point, my outlook is positive. I am convinced that I am going to make it through this, and be able to be an advocate for early colon screening. I am going to be the poster child for testing. I am going to keep up my spirits during this battle. I am going to win this war. If I need to go through chemo, I am going to get funky wigs (thinking a red mohawk and another one, blue, long straight hair). Mom has said that she will shave her head with me. I don't think that's really necessary, but there you go. :-) If you have funny jokes, please email them to me. I am going to need humor to help me get through this. Have any good books or movies I should check out? Let me know - I will have some time on my hands. Levi and I went to buy an MP3 player today for me - I am going to put sports anthems, rock songs, and other I'm-gonna-kick-your-ass music to help me get through this.
We have been blessed, truly. My mother arrived yesterday from NY, and is planning to stay until June 13, or longer if needed. My mother-in-law will be arriving soon, and my father-in-law will try to make it out soon as well. Both Levi and I have an amazing support group to help us through this, and believe me, we are going to need it. I am not normally a person to lean on others, but I think I can bend a bit for this.
People keep asking, are you okay? Nope - I have cancer. But, I am going to beat it. I am going to win. There isn't another option.
Comments:
Graceful
Expressions said...
I
am so in for a girls weekend in Vegas. How about we rent a kick-ass suite at
the Palms? Sound good?
I will be sending you a huge list of stuff that has helped me through...books, music, movies etc. The best movie that I can name is "Facing the Giants" - warning, it is a tearjerker but is an amazing movie of faith.
Can I have your address... I am going to express ship this stuff!
WE LOVE YOU!!!
I will be sending you a huge list of stuff that has helped me through...books, music, movies etc. The best movie that I can name is "Facing the Giants" - warning, it is a tearjerker but is an amazing movie of faith.
Can I have your address... I am going to express ship this stuff!
WE LOVE YOU!!!
May
25, 2008 at 5:50 PM
Count
me in too for a girls weekend! That would rock :)...haven't been in a while
anywhere, so that works. Anything I see that can cheer ya up, I will definitely
send your way maybe some goofy pics to make ya laugh of the good ole times! You
could always make me laugh, so now it is my turn. Yeah...can I also have your
address to send you some stuff. I only have your old one. Love you and keep
your chin up!!
----Amie
----Amie
May
26, 2008 at 7:11 AM
Hi
sweetie been too long since we have seen each other but always in my heart and
on my mind. You are not alone in this fight ....you have so many behind you and
the best of them all is Our Heavenly Father. We will continue to send all the
crazy things to keep you smiling and know I am here if you or my baby sister
needs me. God Bless all and will stay in touch. Love you much ...LATER...aunt
nanny
May
26, 2008 at 11:14 AM
Hey
girl. Remember my visit. Remember the cereal conversation. That was great. I
think about you all the time when I eat my breakfast. It was great to see that
we had so much in common when we did not even know much about each other. God
works miracles and he will work miracles on you and I will be praying for you
and your family. Keep your head up and remember I LOVE YOU AND I ALWAYS WILL.
May
26, 2008 at 11:15 AM
Hey
Michelle,
Can Jim and I entice you over to England sometime after this is done? We miss you as it is and this is a good excuse!
Can Jim and I entice you over to England sometime after this is done? We miss you as it is and this is a good excuse!
May
30, 2008 at 3:06 AM
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