So, it's
been a while. Before I forget, the rant I promised you in my last post...
When I was at the drs office two weeks ago, I was bothered by my doctor's
reaction to my tattoo as well as a couple comments she made or inferred. First,
she seemed less than impressed with my tattoo. As I think I said before, it was
more of a reaction that a mom would give to a child who disobeyed her - kind of
a nasty look with a very guilt-ridden "Mmmmm-hmmmm." Next, when I
told her of my involvement with CCA, TWC and i2y, she seemed very
disinterested, as if what I was doing and telling her was taking time away from
her.
Then, when I mentioned that I had gone to CTCA on behalf of i2y, she got very
proprietary and business-like, almost as if I had gone to the enemy. from a
business standpoint, I can understand this. Surely, she might be upset if I
chose them as my primary oncologist rather than her, but all in all, it's my
decision and should be based on medical needs, not business kindness. And, she
showed no interest in my involvement with an organization that avocates for
young adults with cancer.
So, here comes the rant. We are all on the same team. Why wouldn't you be
excited that one of your patients is not only in remission, but is also using
her experience to help others? Why wouldn't you support someone who's only goal
in life is to live a decent, wonderful life? Why wouldn't you put away your
business sensibilities for just a moment to congratulate, or at the very least,
support someone who is working to spread the word among a variety of
avenues?
All right - feeling better. I thank Dr O for all that she has done for me, but
I have to be honest when I say that lately, I have felt rushed and pushed and
almost as if my time in her office isn't worth the 3-5 minutes she spends with
me. *sigh* I hate being a number.
On to better news...
I saw Kim twice yesterday. She looks fantastic. I spent a while shaving her
legs (ladies, you can understand the relief she must have felt, right?), and we
just talked. There were others there, and it was nice to get to know some of
the people that she loves. I am going to head over there after work today, so
that will be nice. She is really doing so well. We did a loop of the floor
yesterday - she was walking, and there had to be a dozen people following her,
like a Kim parade. It was awesome. They have posted pictures from yesterday on
her website - I can't see them from here, but I can't wait to see if the one of
her and I is on there.
What else? I am feeling like a big fat slob - I haven't worked out in over a
week, and I'm noticing it in my belly and when I put clothes on. So, off the
sweets and back onto the good foods and onto the SERIOUS workout regime. I see
my hubby in 2 weeks - I need to kick this into gear!
The kids are doing well - I miss them terribly, but it's good to have this time
to myself. I am really trying to make sure that I relish this, b/c I really
don't know if/when I will get this time again. And, this is a really good
exercise in letting me feel what it must be like for Levi. So, I can certainly
appreciate that more now.
Hmmmm.....I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of anything right now. I am
just trying to get things done, decompress, and relax. I did spend the weekend
cleaning the house and cleaning up the yard, so that feels very productive. I
don't have much planned for the week - visiting Kim, working out, and trying to
enjoy the solitude. I do have to get materials for a benefit for Kim that I
will be working the weekend before I head back to NY. They are having a
volleyball camp for girls up at Glendale Community College - if you are local
and interested, let me know. They have more help than they can use, but all are
welcome. I will be there working the advocacy angle - so cool. This is one
thing that Kim and I are adament about - we want others to know about this
disease, and to be proof that you don't have to be over 50 and have a penis to
have this disease - it happens to anyone. Repeatedly, this is what she's asked
me to do, and I couldn't be prouder to do this, knowing (hoping) that someday,
it'll be the two of us there, advocating for this.
I think spending time with her has been so good for me. It's been a good
reminder of what I went through, which is horrible to say but definitely puts
my current situation in perspective. It's been good for me emotionally to know
that I am providing her with some comfort and some smiles. And, it's been good
for me to become closer with her and her family - whatever happens, we will
always have this time together, and I will be eternally grateful for this time.
Kim is a wonderful person with a light inside her that is unending, and I am
just so grateful to be able to consider her a friend.
I just had a memory from this morning - I was telling Levi that I spent almost
an hour last night shaving Kim's legs, and he stopped talking. And waited. And,
when I asked him what was wrong, he was wondering what happened next! LOL! Such
a sick-o. Kim and I were laughing about it last night when I contemplated
telling Levi about it - and, his reaction was pretty much what I expected! He's
so funny.
