Well,
today I get my port back in. Appointment is scheduled for 1pm arrival, 3 pm
procedure, with an hour for the procedure and an hour for recovery. I was
talking with a friend this morning, and I realized that I am anxious to get
this in, mainly b/c I want to get started with chemo again. Getting back into a
chemo schedule and routine means that I am that much closer to the end.
Hopefully.....
I have had to come to some startling realizations since my admission to the hospital. I think the most important is that I don't have any control over what is going to happen with my chemo routine. I had set in my head this concrete deadline of November 20th, which would have been my last chemo day before the hospital stay happened. Now, because of the change in schedule, it's looking like I am going to be into December before all is said and done, chemo wise. And, having said that, there is always the possibility that we have to continue chemo after that point, because of any new growths that might be found. While I don't cherish that thought, I know that I will do what I have to to make sure that I can get to that all-important 5 year remission point.
So, for me, the biggest thing is that I have had to learn the very humbling lesson that I don't have any control over what happens regarding this cancer and the schedule. What I do have control over is my choices on how to view what happens. Do I laugh about it? Cry about it? Both? Yes. I have learned that I don't always have to be the strong one, the rock for everyone to lean on. I am the one battling this disease, and I (every once in a while) need someone to lean on. And, I am so lucky to have many of those people. Levi, for one. My parents. My brothers. My friends and extended family. You all have been amazing sources of strength and inspiration. It seems like some of you find me to be an inspiration, and yet, I find that you are my inspiration. I have so much to do with all of you (Vegas, girls?), and that is what helps me get through the tough times.
Now, I will say this. This past week, which back in the day would have been a chemo week, I have felt wonderful. Still a little tired, but the cold sensitivity has diminished, at least in my throat. I even had a drink with ice yesterday - woo! I have felt normal again, and it's been an uplifting experience. Maybe I needed this, to give me the time and the energy to get the fight back. Maybe my body needed this break, to be able to build back up the immunity it needs to fight off the bad things that happen during chemo. And, maybe mentally I needed this time to regroup, to recenter myself, and to deal with these emotions that I haven't been able to, up until now.
Agh - cancer sucks. But, it allows you to see things in a whole different way. And that, my friends, is one of the so-called silver linings. I will post tonight or tomorrow to let you know how the procedure goes.
Do you have any plans for the weekend? I have come of my best friends, Jason and Jeff, coming into town to visit. I can't wait - it's been over a year since I saw them. They arrive in the Valley tomorrow, and we plan on getting together on Sunday to hang out. YEAH!!!!
I have had to come to some startling realizations since my admission to the hospital. I think the most important is that I don't have any control over what is going to happen with my chemo routine. I had set in my head this concrete deadline of November 20th, which would have been my last chemo day before the hospital stay happened. Now, because of the change in schedule, it's looking like I am going to be into December before all is said and done, chemo wise. And, having said that, there is always the possibility that we have to continue chemo after that point, because of any new growths that might be found. While I don't cherish that thought, I know that I will do what I have to to make sure that I can get to that all-important 5 year remission point.
So, for me, the biggest thing is that I have had to learn the very humbling lesson that I don't have any control over what happens regarding this cancer and the schedule. What I do have control over is my choices on how to view what happens. Do I laugh about it? Cry about it? Both? Yes. I have learned that I don't always have to be the strong one, the rock for everyone to lean on. I am the one battling this disease, and I (every once in a while) need someone to lean on. And, I am so lucky to have many of those people. Levi, for one. My parents. My brothers. My friends and extended family. You all have been amazing sources of strength and inspiration. It seems like some of you find me to be an inspiration, and yet, I find that you are my inspiration. I have so much to do with all of you (Vegas, girls?), and that is what helps me get through the tough times.
Now, I will say this. This past week, which back in the day would have been a chemo week, I have felt wonderful. Still a little tired, but the cold sensitivity has diminished, at least in my throat. I even had a drink with ice yesterday - woo! I have felt normal again, and it's been an uplifting experience. Maybe I needed this, to give me the time and the energy to get the fight back. Maybe my body needed this break, to be able to build back up the immunity it needs to fight off the bad things that happen during chemo. And, maybe mentally I needed this time to regroup, to recenter myself, and to deal with these emotions that I haven't been able to, up until now.
Agh - cancer sucks. But, it allows you to see things in a whole different way. And that, my friends, is one of the so-called silver linings. I will post tonight or tomorrow to let you know how the procedure goes.
Do you have any plans for the weekend? I have come of my best friends, Jason and Jeff, coming into town to visit. I can't wait - it's been over a year since I saw them. They arrive in the Valley tomorrow, and we plan on getting together on Sunday to hang out. YEAH!!!!
Comments:
Phil,
Sharon & Rachael said...
OOOOOOH,
lucky you! Give Jason & Jeff big hugs and smooches from me and tell them
that I miss and love them even if I have sucked at keeping in touch
lately.
J&J and ice for your Coke coke again - dang, you're having a good week! ;-)
And hey... it's August... we all totally missed our 12 year anniversary!!! ONE DOZEN BABY!!! Luv & hugs! :)
J&J and ice for your Coke coke again - dang, you're having a good week! ;-)
And hey... it's August... we all totally missed our 12 year anniversary!!! ONE DOZEN BABY!!! Luv & hugs! :)
August
29, 2008 at 2:26 PM
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