So, today
at work I got this wonderful IM from a co-worker and friend in Albuquerque. He
IM'd me to welcome me back (thanks, Gomez!) and told me that I was inspiring to
him, in that I gave him reason to be inspired.
I thought that was such an interesting statement. Can I possibly have that kind of effect on someone? Can I not only inspire someone to fight this awful disease, but to be a better person, too? Maybe that's part of the "reason" I was chosen to fight this battle. Perhaps I can use my experience to help other people see the beauty in their world. To take time to stop and smell the roses, so to speak.
I am not aiming to be an inspiration. I am not aiming to be a hero. I am not aiming to be anything honorable or wonderful or worthy. The only mission I have is to beat this thing, and to be able to get back to my life. Stopping everything on May 23rd was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. Hearing that cancer diagnosis, and the ensuing barrage of medical terminology, appointments, and expectations is completely, utterly overwhelming. It's the most difficult thing to hear.
Generally, we expect that we are going to be on this planet forever. We all are aware of our limited lifespan, and yet (generally) we choose to ignore that information, instead living a sort of blissfully ingnorant existence. However, hearing the word cancer really makes your mortality hit home. What if? What if the treatments don't work? What if they don't see everything and the cancer continues to grow? *What if* becomes a mantra.
Until you realize that you can't live your life by *what ifs*. Whether or not you have cancer, you can't spend your life wondering what would happen if you had made this choice, that choice, or another one. Please don't sweat the small stuff. It's not important. No one is going to remember if your hair, makeup, clothes, etc. are perfect that day. Honest. People don't remember the details in the long run - they remember your persona. Were you nice? Kind? Polite? Sweet? Funny? Or were you harried, running around wondering why this email didn't get to you, wondering what your office was doing without you there, always checking your cell phone for that missed opportunity?
PLEASE remember that, once the inevitable happens (and it will) and we are all in Heaven (I'm optimistic), it won't matter a hoot whether your email was answered.
There is a great saying that I am going to try to summarize here, so apologies in advance for errors. Any errors in this are mine. Oh well.
"When you are gone, it won't matter what you wore, how much money you made, what kind of house you lived in, what kind of car you drove, or what you did for a living. The only thing that will matter, and be remembered, is what kind of difference you made in the life of your family and your children. Your babies are your legacy to the world - make that your number one priority. Everything else is details that no one cares about."
So, if I inspire you, I am honored. I am humbled. And, I am grateful. To be given this opportunity to maybe help one person - I question why I was given this gift. But, I won't sit here for too long - I have too much to do. My angels are in bed, sleeping and dreaming. My husband is in bed, waiting for me to stop banging on the keyboard so he can go to sleep. And me? I am going to hit the sack for the night. I have things to do tomorrow - being inspiring is more tiring that you would think.
:-)
I thought that was such an interesting statement. Can I possibly have that kind of effect on someone? Can I not only inspire someone to fight this awful disease, but to be a better person, too? Maybe that's part of the "reason" I was chosen to fight this battle. Perhaps I can use my experience to help other people see the beauty in their world. To take time to stop and smell the roses, so to speak.
I am not aiming to be an inspiration. I am not aiming to be a hero. I am not aiming to be anything honorable or wonderful or worthy. The only mission I have is to beat this thing, and to be able to get back to my life. Stopping everything on May 23rd was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. Hearing that cancer diagnosis, and the ensuing barrage of medical terminology, appointments, and expectations is completely, utterly overwhelming. It's the most difficult thing to hear.
Generally, we expect that we are going to be on this planet forever. We all are aware of our limited lifespan, and yet (generally) we choose to ignore that information, instead living a sort of blissfully ingnorant existence. However, hearing the word cancer really makes your mortality hit home. What if? What if the treatments don't work? What if they don't see everything and the cancer continues to grow? *What if* becomes a mantra.
Until you realize that you can't live your life by *what ifs*. Whether or not you have cancer, you can't spend your life wondering what would happen if you had made this choice, that choice, or another one. Please don't sweat the small stuff. It's not important. No one is going to remember if your hair, makeup, clothes, etc. are perfect that day. Honest. People don't remember the details in the long run - they remember your persona. Were you nice? Kind? Polite? Sweet? Funny? Or were you harried, running around wondering why this email didn't get to you, wondering what your office was doing without you there, always checking your cell phone for that missed opportunity?
PLEASE remember that, once the inevitable happens (and it will) and we are all in Heaven (I'm optimistic), it won't matter a hoot whether your email was answered.
There is a great saying that I am going to try to summarize here, so apologies in advance for errors. Any errors in this are mine. Oh well.
"When you are gone, it won't matter what you wore, how much money you made, what kind of house you lived in, what kind of car you drove, or what you did for a living. The only thing that will matter, and be remembered, is what kind of difference you made in the life of your family and your children. Your babies are your legacy to the world - make that your number one priority. Everything else is details that no one cares about."
So, if I inspire you, I am honored. I am humbled. And, I am grateful. To be given this opportunity to maybe help one person - I question why I was given this gift. But, I won't sit here for too long - I have too much to do. My angels are in bed, sleeping and dreaming. My husband is in bed, waiting for me to stop banging on the keyboard so he can go to sleep. And me? I am going to hit the sack for the night. I have things to do tomorrow - being inspiring is more tiring that you would think.
:-)
Comments:
Nancy said...
hi
August
11, 2008 at 5:31 AM
Good
morning Michelle....sorry its taken me so long to write.Inspiring?Well ya..lets
see here your a young mom of two ,just into your new home,husband to tend to
and now you are fighting that monster that took over your body.At the same time
you are keeping all of us informed and started back to work, and are trying to
get things started to inform other young people that yes it can happen to them
also.I believe you can call your self inspiring sweetie.And that might be why
you were the chosen one,you have the push to get the message out.God is with
you sweetie and he will not let you fall.so I need to say that i believe you
are inspiring .Keep me up on your days I feel like I am with you through the
blogs.love always...In God We Trust.....LATER
August
11, 2008 at 5:39 AM
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