The thing
about trying to be on virtual bed rest during the week of chemo and
the few days after is that I tend to think about things. Sometimes, those things
are silly and meaningless (like, um, I don't know - why haven't they brought
back the Smurfs, but they brought back the Chipmunks?). Sometimes, the more
serious things make me take a moment more and really re-evaluate what I am
thinking about.
Example - today, I am feeling pretty good. I know I need to take it easy, but it's hard when there is so much I want to do and I am finally feeling up to it (sort of). And then it dawned on me - I think part of the reason that I am so antsy to DO something is that I can still see the end of this journey. Well, this chemo part of it. I can anticipate the time, in the not-so-distant future, when I will once again be able to live normally. I won't have to schedule life and it's details around my chemo schedule. I won't have to worry about whether I can schedule something, based on whether I have chemo that week or not. I will be able to breathe each morning without counting the pills I have to take, or worrying about the side effects that day, or worrying about my energy level. I can't wait to get back to that point.
I don't think that means that I will go back to the chaotic, unrelenting, super-busy schedule that I had before. On the contrary, this cancer has led me to look at life in a different way. I recently finished reading Randy Pausch'sbook, "The Last Lecture." I imagine that you have at least heard of this guy before. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and instead of living his life mourning the loss of the time he thought he had, he lived his life laughing, spending quality time with his family, and making sure that he taught everyone he came in contact with a lesson about life. If you haven't read this, I highly recommend it. It's a quick, easy read, but means SO MUCH! Anyways, part of the book is how Randy's diagnosis led him to look at life more fully. He took the time to stop and smell the roses, as they say. And, in doing so, he created a legacy that most can only hope to achieve. I want to be like that - I want to make sure that I take the time to read my kids bedtime stories, and run outside with them, and do their homework, and kiss and hug them each day. I want to make sure that I take the time to listen to what Levi has to say, and to make sure he knows how MUCH I love him. I want to make sure I take the time to make phone calls to family and friends, to make sure that I do my best to put a smile on their face. And, I want to make sure that I take the time to appreciate my life. To appreciate me. To remember that this is my second chance at life.
I know you probably get sick of me talking about these ideas I have, talking about my advocacy for the CCA and colon cancer awareness. I am sure that you scan through these posts, and while I might make you smile or (occasionally) roll your eyes, I hope that I, every once in a while, make you think about your life. What would YOU do if you had to deal with a cancer diagnosis? How would you change your life? Would it make you reprioritizethings a little bit? Would hearing the sentence "You have cancer" make you look at your email less? Allow you the freedom to let the phone go to voicemail, rather than jumping up to get it? Would it give you the permission to spend more time with your kids? Your family? Your friends?
Please, keep something in mind. You don't have to wait for a cancer diagnosis. I beg of you, don't wait for that moment. It might be too late. Instead, take the time, today, RIGHT NOW, to stop and think about your life. Think about the stresses you are going through. Are they going to be important in an hour? a day? a month? a year? Will those pending deadlines at work have any bearing on your life, long term? Will those emails, if they don't get answered today, make a hoot of difference in the long run? I bet they won't.
If you think about it, the biggest things we have to worry about is how we treat other people. How we treat ourselves. How they treat us. And, how we deal with those people. Your legacy isn't going to have any relation to the amount of money you make. It isn't going to have any bearing on the type of house you live in, the kind of purse you carry, the clothes you wear, or the "things" you have. The legacy you leave, when it's all over, is going to have a direct relationship to your relationship with people. How you treated them. How you raised your kids. How you handled family issues. And, how much you laughed. (I am a firm believer in this last one....).
So, take five minutes today. Think about how you can affect your legacy by spending time away from the computer, the TV, the Internet. And, take a moment to spend time with your family. Truly, you don't know how much time you have left. Savor what you have - and, let me know how that works out for you.
Example - today, I am feeling pretty good. I know I need to take it easy, but it's hard when there is so much I want to do and I am finally feeling up to it (sort of). And then it dawned on me - I think part of the reason that I am so antsy to DO something is that I can still see the end of this journey. Well, this chemo part of it. I can anticipate the time, in the not-so-distant future, when I will once again be able to live normally. I won't have to schedule life and it's details around my chemo schedule. I won't have to worry about whether I can schedule something, based on whether I have chemo that week or not. I will be able to breathe each morning without counting the pills I have to take, or worrying about the side effects that day, or worrying about my energy level. I can't wait to get back to that point.
I don't think that means that I will go back to the chaotic, unrelenting, super-busy schedule that I had before. On the contrary, this cancer has led me to look at life in a different way. I recently finished reading Randy Pausch'sbook, "The Last Lecture." I imagine that you have at least heard of this guy before. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and instead of living his life mourning the loss of the time he thought he had, he lived his life laughing, spending quality time with his family, and making sure that he taught everyone he came in contact with a lesson about life. If you haven't read this, I highly recommend it. It's a quick, easy read, but means SO MUCH! Anyways, part of the book is how Randy's diagnosis led him to look at life more fully. He took the time to stop and smell the roses, as they say. And, in doing so, he created a legacy that most can only hope to achieve. I want to be like that - I want to make sure that I take the time to read my kids bedtime stories, and run outside with them, and do their homework, and kiss and hug them each day. I want to make sure that I take the time to listen to what Levi has to say, and to make sure he knows how MUCH I love him. I want to make sure I take the time to make phone calls to family and friends, to make sure that I do my best to put a smile on their face. And, I want to make sure that I take the time to appreciate my life. To appreciate me. To remember that this is my second chance at life.
I know you probably get sick of me talking about these ideas I have, talking about my advocacy for the CCA and colon cancer awareness. I am sure that you scan through these posts, and while I might make you smile or (occasionally) roll your eyes, I hope that I, every once in a while, make you think about your life. What would YOU do if you had to deal with a cancer diagnosis? How would you change your life? Would it make you reprioritizethings a little bit? Would hearing the sentence "You have cancer" make you look at your email less? Allow you the freedom to let the phone go to voicemail, rather than jumping up to get it? Would it give you the permission to spend more time with your kids? Your family? Your friends?
Please, keep something in mind. You don't have to wait for a cancer diagnosis. I beg of you, don't wait for that moment. It might be too late. Instead, take the time, today, RIGHT NOW, to stop and think about your life. Think about the stresses you are going through. Are they going to be important in an hour? a day? a month? a year? Will those pending deadlines at work have any bearing on your life, long term? Will those emails, if they don't get answered today, make a hoot of difference in the long run? I bet they won't.
If you think about it, the biggest things we have to worry about is how we treat other people. How we treat ourselves. How they treat us. And, how we deal with those people. Your legacy isn't going to have any relation to the amount of money you make. It isn't going to have any bearing on the type of house you live in, the kind of purse you carry, the clothes you wear, or the "things" you have. The legacy you leave, when it's all over, is going to have a direct relationship to your relationship with people. How you treated them. How you raised your kids. How you handled family issues. And, how much you laughed. (I am a firm believer in this last one....).
So, take five minutes today. Think about how you can affect your legacy by spending time away from the computer, the TV, the Internet. And, take a moment to spend time with your family. Truly, you don't know how much time you have left. Savor what you have - and, let me know how that works out for you.
Comments:
So
very well said, Michelle.
I needed that. thanks for keeping me "in the moment"
you pretty much summed it all up.
thank you...
lots of love from Michigan,
Jen & Kevin
I needed that. thanks for keeping me "in the moment"
you pretty much summed it all up.
thank you...
lots of love from Michigan,
Jen & Kevin
October
5, 2008 at 10:53 AM
Mick
ever since I got the chance to be blessed to feel the movements of my little
man inside my tummy, to smell his sweet baby skin, to nurture him, to love him
and to watch him grow I have embraced all that you commissioned us to do.
Because God blessed me with him I realize what charge I have been given as a
mother. So in order to BE that person I want him to be I have to live it, not
talk about it, not think about it...BE IT. So thank you for your words of
encouragement because my legacy while small in stature is growing up to be
quite a man.
October
10, 2008 at 5:19 PM
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