JANUARY 30, 2009

Made it to NY

I made it to NY last night, in spite of the airplane problems flying out of Phoenix (as they were starting up the first engine, the ground crew noticed sparks (!!!) coming out of the engine). We were rerouted through Philly instead, then into Syracuse, and didn't get here until about 8:30 local time last night. Went to dinner with the Greg, Bob, et al, and then headed home for some sleep.

It's freaking cold here, and everyone's laughing at me. There is about 1 1/2 ft of snow on the ground,with more coming tonight/tomorrow. I am not impressed. It's really pretty and serene and quiet until you realize that the cold accompanies the weather. Then, the happiness goes away! LOL!

Today is going to be nuts. But, I wanted to let you know that I made it. Whew....

Comments:

Carol Urban said...

Whew! Welcome to the land of the cold, cold East! :) Of course you remember this. I sure hope you packed a jacket and gloves. Take care.

January 30, 2009 at 3:27 PM

JANUARY 28, 2009

Some bad news

My grandmother passed away today. It's really a blessing, because she hasn't been well for SO long. But, it's still hard. This past week has been crazy, and the next week isn't looking any better. I know that she is finally in a place where she has no pain and no problems.

I am heading back to NY tomorrow. It's really last minute, but I need to do it. And, I need to be there for my family. So, 6am tomorrow morning, we start our 3-leg trip to NY - here to Denver, then to Chicago, then to Syracuse. Fun.

This past week has been insanely busy. We got Mom and Dad moved into their new house, spent time getting our house back to "normal", and just spending time with the kids. I was supposed to have an appointment tomorrow to have my port taken out, but we delayed that for obvious reasons. I have it now scheduled for 2/13 (yes, it's Friday the 13th...). I think we should be back here by then. Well, I know I will be. Dad and Mom come back a week from Saturday, so it should all work out.

What else? There seems to be so much to tell you, thoughts that are going through my head, things I am thinking about, both cancer-related and not. But, I need to spend time with my kids, get them ready for bed, spend time with Levi, finish packing, make sure things are done around here, and get some sleep (ha ha!) to make sure that I am ready for tomorrow.

What a week......I will try to post more while I am in NY, but I can't guarantee anything. If I don't post between now and then, please keep my family in your thoughts, esp my parents. This is really tough on them, and they are going to need all the help they can get.

Comments:

Natalie said...

Will pray for you and your family. Its a tough fight and make sure you are prepared for the much long journey ahead.
All the best.
http://www.oncologistoncology.com/
visit this good site for health seekers.

January 28, 2009 at 11:21 PM

 Carol Urban said...

So sorry to read about your Grandmother's passing. Be safe on your trip.

I have been thinking about you over the last week and wondered how you were doing. It's a LOT to get over, emotionally and psychologically, from being a cancer patient to being a cancer survivor. We can do it.

My port removal surgery went well but I developed an allergy to the steri-strips and peeled them off after two days. I developed blistering and the itching was driving me nuts.

It's a week post surgery and the incision and surrounding area don't look that bad now. I keep feeling the spot thinking the port is still there but it's not! :)

January 29, 2009 at 9:39 AM

JANUARY 22, 2009

Results today

Well, I have to admit that I am fairly nervous about today's drs appt. I mean, I am so hopefully that everything will come out normal and negative, and that I will be able to go on living life, moving forward as a survivor. 

However, I have to realistically keep in mind that I might NOT be okay, yet. I might have another tumor growing, or the cancer might have spread, or I might have to undergo another round of chemo. Because of that, I feel like I can't be excited about what's going to happen today, so that I don't get my hopes up too high. I guess I don't want to be let down, so if I aim fairly low and get great results, all the better. 

I just remember going into my colonoscopy thinking that all was well and coming out to the announcement that I had cancer. The sense of hopelessness and fear and terror and shock and numbness is unreal when that happens - anyone who has heard those words understands. But, potentially facing them again, potentially hearing that my fight for the past 6 months hasn't worked would be heart-breaking beyond belief. I know I need to mentally do what I can to prep myself for that moment, which may or may not come this afternoon.

Regardless of what happens, I will continue to fight this disease. Because even if the results come back that all is well in colon-land, the cancer cells are still in there, and I need to keep fighting. For my life, for my family, for my friends, and for the other survivors and patients out there.

I will try to update this evening after the appt, which is at 4:15 AZ time. I am going to have my port flushed just before the appt (they have to do this every 4-6 weeks to ensure that the port doesn't get clotted blood in it, etc.), and then off to the appt. Please keep your fingers crossed and think of me today. I am hopeful that things come out the way I want.

Comments:

Amanda: said...

Will watch for updates! Hope today is a good one!

January 22, 2009 at 9:39 AM

 Tom H said...

GOOD LUCK!

It will be, I think, around midnight here when you know your results. Give us a call if you want, we should still be up!

January 22, 2009 at 10:13 AM

 jnwhiteh said...

Yes please Michelle try and give us a call sometime after you get out (or post, we'll get that to). We love you and are hoping for the best!

January 22, 2009 at 11:39 AM

Later:

I KICKED CANCER'S ASS!!!!!

I DID IT!!!! I KICKED CANCER'S ASS! I can't post much right now - after all, both kids are in the bathtub and hungry to boot, but I had to post quickly. As the dr said, everything looks, in her words, PERFECT! Blood counts are all normal, PET scan shows nothing. WOO-HOO!!!!!

More later, I promise, but I had to share the good news. I did it - I beat this thing, and I did it with a smile on my face (well, most of the time!).

Vegas, here we come. Girls, start getting ready!

Comments:

Carol Urban said...

ABSOLUTELY FRIGGIN WONDERFUL NEWS!!! THAT MAKES TWO OF US!!!

January 22, 2009 at 6:28 PM

 Amanda: said...

AWESOME! I'm SOOOO thrilled for you - you have no idea.

January 23, 2009 at 6:35 PM

 Ally said...

I AM SO HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY FOR YOU! DOING THE HAPPY DANCE HERE! GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOOOOOO!! TIME TO CELEBRATE!!
:)

January 24, 2009 at 8:51 AM

JANUARY 19, 2009

PET Scan Day

So, today's the day that will hopefully start me on my road from being a cancer patient to a cancer survivor. I have my blood work today then a little later, my PET scan. 

Blood work will give the dr a good feel for my tumor markers (CEA levels) as well as my CBC (Complete Blood Count), which will tell them how my body is doing with red/white blood cell counts and platelets, etc. since I have been off chemo. The CEA level is pretty accurate with colon cancer in determining if any of the little cancer cells are in there, trying to regroup and attack.

The PET scan, for those of you who don't know, will show the dr whether there are any cancer tumors in my body. Because certain cancers use sugar to grow, I have to cut back on eating sugars for several hours before the test, so last night's dinner was fairly light, and this morning I was restricted to black coffee (ick) and eggs/bacon (not settling well, by the way), with nothing but water after 7:30. Fun. But, for the purposes of the test, it will be fine. They will inject me with a bit of radioactive sugar, then let it settle in the body, then pop me into the machine and run their tests. 

My follow-up appt is on Thursday afternoon - I know that day and time will come soon enough, but it would be nice if it were here, now. Oh well.

So, I will be heading out soon. Craving a soda or coffee for the caffeine (getting a headache, which isn't good), but I will get one when I am done with the test. 

Please think of me this afternoon and hope for the best. I know I am going to be fine, but the extra help wouldn't hurt. :-)

Comments:

Amanda: said...

Thinking of you today and waiting for an update. Hang in there!!!

January 19, 2009 at 12:09 PM

 Carol Urban said...

Michelle, I hope you were able to get through your scan without getting sick. Please let us know when your results are in. I pray yours are clear like mine were! God Bless!

January 19, 2009 at 4:54 PM

 Dan said...

Sending prayers your way as well. My mother has colon cancer and we are awaiting the results from the PET scan and ct-guided needle biopsy. Her appointment is this Wedneday. We applaud your attitude and courage,

January 19, 2009 at 6:31 PM

Later:

PET Scan - CHECK!

Well, I am home from the PET scan. The blood work went fine, except the tech I had sucked. She kept rotting around in my vein - I wasn't sure if she thought she was a pirate and might find treasure, but it was done within a minute. Honestly, though, if you are a phlebotomist (and, I applaud you if you are - I couldn't do that...), PLEASE remember that the arms you poke are attached to people, generally with some sense of feeling. 

Then, off to the PET scan. They took me back to the little waiting room and shot me up with the IV. Fun. They took my blood for a sugar-level test (mine was at 98, whatever that means...), then injected me with the radioactive sugar. I had forgotten about the nasty, gross tasting stuff they use to provide a GI contrast, so they can tell what's your intestines and not cancer. Dad and I sat in the room, waiting for this crap to take hold, while I was trying to choke down the liquid snot. Dad and I actually got scolded for talking - apparently, moving around too much, including talking, can activate certain levels of something and make the tests come back with false positives. We were still as statues after that - we weren't doing anything to jeopardize this test. 

Then, I got called into the room, had to change, then got put in the tube, where I proceeded to nap. Yup - I took short little naps. Until the stuff they made me drink hit my tummy really bad, and then I was waiting for the test to be over so I could get to the bathroom without being sick in the machine. Luckily, I wasn't sick, but it was close.

So, now begins the waiting game. Thursday, 4:15 AZ time. I am going to try to stay calm between now and then - I have some things to keep me busy, and to try to keep my mind off this. I am going to spend time with the kids tomorrow night, since I had to keep my distance tonight b/c of the radioactive stuff in my system. I have a CCA meeting on Wednesday, and then it's Thursday and, hopefully, a REALLY good Thursday. 

Until then.....keep us all in your thoughts. My parents lost a friend this morning to cancer - she has been fighting her battle for over 6 years, and she is finally home and no longer in pain. They couldn't ever find out the original site of her cancer, just that it was always there. She has been going in an out of chemo for 6 years, and her body finally just gave out. 

In her honor, and in her memory, I will continue to fight this battle, not only personally but publicly, making sure I do everything in my power to spread the word, the awareness, and the strength. We are ALL survivors, and we will continue to try to kick cancer's ass. It's the only way. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - cancer - you picked the wrong bitch to mess with!!! :-)

Comments:

Sharon R. said...

And we'll continue to be right there with you and will be there to cheer you on when you DO win! I'm glad yesterday went well and sorry I didn't get the chance to talk to you. Onward to Thursday! We will all keep praying and pulling for ya! :)

January 20, 2009 at 10:25 AM

 Carol Urban said...

Ugg. I know just what you felt like yesterday. Glad it's over. Many positive thoughts, prayers and vibes being sent your way!! So sorry about your parents friend. Glad her suffering is over. Will check for your post tomorrow after I get back home from the hospital (my port is getting removed!).

January 21, 2009 at 5:11 AM

JANUARY 18, 2009

Sunday Update

I feel like I have been neglecting this blog, and that I don't have that much to say anymore now that I am not actively in chemo. It's an odd feeling - I know people are keeping tabs on this blog, and so I don't want to let you all down by not updating, but then I don't feel like I have much relevant information to share. So, apologies. 

This week I will hopefully be posting like mad. Tomorrow afternoon is my first post-chemo PET scan and blood work, and I get my results on Thursday at 4:15. I am really anxious about this one. Because I have been off of the chemo for a month now, has the cancer tried to come back? Has it taken a vacation, only to rest up and come back with a vengeance? Or, did I really kick this cancer's ass? We'll know shortly. 

I really need to get a phone with internet, so I can ad twitter to this blog and update as I get ideas. I have these things that pop into my head while I'm doing something silly like, working. And, I can't update the blog at work (well, I could but it wouldn't be a good idea... ;-) ). So, twitter would work, in that I could post a quit snippet about my thoughts, and then move on with the next activity.

Things that have crossed my mind this past week or so - what is going on in my body that I don't know about? What is going to happen in the future? How has this cancer journey affected my kids? Why was I chosen to go through this? What else am I going to have to face in the future, and will this really make me a stronger person? 

Levi started his new job this week, and while he doesn't get paid until he sells his first deal, working at this point is a plus. We are really on the brink of financial despair, so I am hoping that he kicks some serious selling ass and makes this work. If you work in AZ and your company doesn't have Aflac insurance (supplemental insurance), please let me know so we can get Levi in with your company to discuss it. It doesn't cost them a thing, and it's priceless. Believe me, if we had the capability to have Aflac before I was sick, we wouldn't be where we are today financially.

Levi and I are still doing Weight Watchers, and while I admit that it's frustrating to see him lose weight more quickly than me, I am trying to focus more on providing my body with the strength and energy it needs to heal and fight off rogue cells than focusing on the weight loss. That will come with the rest, is my thought process. It is going to be interesting this week to see what the scale at the drs office says. I figure that's way more accurate than my home scale, which seems to like to mess with my weight intermittently, so that I really don't know where I am. 

I have been walking and lifting weights 3-4 times each week, which I figure is a good start. The problem I am actually running into is that about 1.5 kilometers into my walk, my neuropathy kick up, both in my feet and in my fingers. Fingers, not a problem since I don't use them to walk. However, when my feet start bothering me, I have to get home pronto. I actually tripped the other day and almost fell flat on my keester, because I couldn't feel where my feet were. It's an odd sensation, and one I don't care for. But, the thought I keep trying to focus on is that the more I walk, the more my body and my nerves are going to rejuvenate, and hopefully get back to normal all the sooner. I am hoping that this starts to happen soon - I go to England in two months, and I want to be able to walk around without seeming like an invalid. 

Really, that's the worst of the left-over side effects, so far. The chemo seems to have done a number on my brain, so while I am working full time and (I think) returning to school next month, I am still really struggling with things like comprehending what I read, remembering things, etc. Some days are really good, but others - well, I can read a page three or four times and still not get what I just read. It's like I read it and poof - it disappears from my head. This is so frustrating for me, who (B.C.) was able to skim a page and understand most everything on it - now I have to re-learn how to study, listen, etc. So, just another modification to my life because of the cancer. 

Stupid cancer.

I think that's it, for now. I am working with a local group of people to set up a local chapter of the Colon Cancer Alliance. We hope to have the paperwork submitted this month, with the official notice being sent shortly thereafter. They have asked me to be on the Board of Directors, as the Outreach Director. Basically, with the help of some other ladies, I will be working to spread the word for colorectal cancer awareness, which as you know is something I will work my entire life to promote. I will post more on that as I have more information - we have a meeting on Wednesday.

I really think that's about it. To all my friends and family in the northern part of the country - remember, Phoenix is only a few hours away. I will try to think of you as I am enjoying the view of the mountains on my walk this morning. It's a bit chilly, so I may have to wear a jacket over my short-sleeved shirt. Life's rough here in AZ. I should still be able to open my windows to air the house out today, and then BBQ with Dad for dinner. I love living here....

Tee hee hee - yes, I am still a bitch. And, yes, that's what allowed me to fight this cancer. Let me have my moments of joy, will ya? :-)

Comments:

Tom H said...

Hi Michelle!

I have been waiting for an update to know how you are feeling! I will thinking of you tomorrow. I hope everything goes well. 

Don't get too down about the Weight Watchers, men's bodies are more willing to shed fat than women's. This is true even at the Olympic level, so you're not unusual =)

As for the exercising and recovering from chemo, I would check out yoga and Pilates if I were you. Both of them (esp Pilates) are really good for your body, and it's more strenuous exercise than you think. More importantly, though, it's low impact in your body, whereas the running is unnecessarily hard on even a non-chemo-recovering body! Also, the exercise from Pilates is ideal for getting a toned, lean body. Weight lifting is also very traumatic to the body, and imo there's no reason to have to deal with muscle trauma and recovery on top of everything else. Yoga has, in certain cases, been known to help with nerve issues. No promises that it will fix it, but it also just helps with your overall well-being regardless.

As for cardio, try doing the elliptical machine instead of running. It's much better for your knees and shins, and might not encourage the neuropathy as much. 

Anyway, good luck with everything. I can't WAIT for your visit to England. We are counting down the days over here =) 

Love you! 

--Tom

January 18, 2009 at 9:56 AM

 jnwhiteh said...

As silly as it seems, Twitter is actually really nice for that reason specifically. You can post a thought and then move on, and it's really quick and easy to share good articles, links or words of wisdom. Tom and I are both using it (it also updates our Facebook status at the same time) and it's worked pretty well.

I can't agree with Tom more about Pilates or Yoga. They may seem all new-agey and crazy but they can give your mind a chance to focus while working on something that really benefits your body without the harshness of lifting weights. 

I love you and miss you so much, I can't wait for you to come visit!

January 18, 2009 at 2:30 PM

JANUARY 13, 2009

And this is why I don't live in MN anymore....

http://abcnews.go.com/US/Weather/wireStory?id=6634886

Are you kidding me? Today, in Phoenix, it was a warm and gorgeous 72 degrees. Maybe a bit warmer, depending on where you were. Just beautiful.

Remember to call first if you are going to show up on my doorstep. I need to take reservations. Payments in cash are always accepted first, followed closely by bribery and jewelry.

:-)

Comments:

Amanda: said...

Shut up. It's supposed to be a balmy 10 degrees today in Michigan. Tomorrow, even lower!!! And the windchills are like -10 degrees. It's sickening, lol.

We're going to try and go to Florida next month. That sounds SO NICE right now :)

Take care!

January 14, 2009 at 10:28 AM

JANUARY 6, 2009

New Year's Resolution?

All right people, here it is. I'm puttin' it out there. You know I have talked about changing our eating habits after this was all done. We decided to get started, and officially began our new lifestyle on Sunday. We weighed in, looked at our eating habits, and started to make some changes. 

So, I thought I would blog about my reasons for doing this. I have been doing a lot of research and reading, and I realized that I need to make changes if I want to provide my body with the tools it is going to need to fight off this cancer. Cancer is always in your body - you have it, I have it. Everyone has rogue cancer cells in their body. The key is providing your body with the tools and strength it needs to fight off those damn cells. 

I need to do this for my kids, my husband, my parents, and my brothers. I need to do this for my entire family, both immediate and extended. I need to do this for my unborn niece or nephew. I need to do this, most importantly, for ME!!! Because when push comes to shove, if I can't make this commitment for myself, I can't do it for anyone else. 

We have made changes to our diet. I am starting out with the Weight Watchers program, on which my dad lost over 100 pounds. Levi and I are doing this together. It's so much easier when you have someone to be accountable to. 

I will be incorporating these changes with other modifications. I need to look into more immune-boosting foods (Dr M recommended that I look at HIV/AIDS websites, since they need to boost their immunity for their survival). I am also researching cancer-fighting foods, like fresh veggies and fruits, cutting out meats, etc. We are trying to find a good balance between everything, and it will surely take a while but be worth it.

There you go. It's going to be a struggle, but hell - I just beat cancer. Bring it on. 

My goal - 30 pounds gone by May 1st. Wanna make a bet that I can do it?!?! :-)

Comments:

Carol Urban said...

Hi! Carol Urban here. I'm a colon cancer survivor. I was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer in Sept 07 and was told that I'm cancer free in Aug 08. I'm glad I found your blog! You hear so much about breast cancer awareness and fundraising which is wonderful but I often felt left out because my type of cancer wasn't talked about. I've become a walking advertisement for colon cancer awareness and encourage everyone I meet to get a colonoscopy. My family has been so supportive throughout my surgeries and treatment. I never let cancer get me down and plan to live life to the fullest.

January 8, 2009 at 4:35 PM

JANUARY 5, 2009

Chemo Santa

Julia has been great during this whole thing, and while I know that this is a good experience for her to have, I am still so sorry that she had to have it at all. I know that she is more compassionate, more understanding, and wiser because of this journey. It's actually pretty funny sometimes when she talks about my cancer and the chemo. To her, chemo is the cure all for everything. Tummy ache? Chemo. Cough? Chemo. Need to lose weight? Have some chemo - yum!

Tonight at dinner, she asked me (and I kid you not) if there was a Chemo Santa for the green army men inside me. LOL! For those of you who haven't read the entire blog (and, shame on you!!!), the way I explained the chemo to Julia was that the cancer was like germs, only worse. And, while our bodies have white blood cells to kill the germs, our bodies need help with the cancer cells. So, we likened the chemo to Green Army Men (from Toy Story - go Buzz Lightyear!!!) and told her that the chemo would make Mommy not feel well because they needed to take so much energy to kill all the cancer.

We haven't mentioned chemo much in the last couple of weeks, I think as a matter of relief and, to some extent, ignoring the obvious for a while. About every couple of days, though, Julia will pop out with some reference to chemo, and I have actually had to stop her a couple of times to remind her that not everyone gets chemo. I have to remind her that chemo means you have cancer, and that's the only reason you have chemo....instead of, for instance, just assuming people who say they are tired have chemo, automatically.

If there is a Chemo Santa, I would like, please, a healthy colon, a healthy family, and, um, my mortgage paid off. Even for one month. Is that too much to ask? Too greedy, you think? Well, I suppose getting done with chemo for Christmas was present enough!

JANUARY 3, 2009

Saturday Update

I have been so busy this week that I forgot to update the blog, so here goes.

We didn't do much this week.

Just kidding!!! We didn't, though. Mostly, the week was spent getting Mom and Dad ready for their new house. They found a house they like and are pursuing it, but nothing is finalized yet. The kids and Levi and I spent time together this week, playing the games they got from Santa and just enjoying each other's company. Levi has been studying like a madman, and I spent more time than I like to remember sleeping. But, it's all good. It was a wonderful week, but I think we are all looking forward to getting 2009 underway. OH-Levi and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary on Monday. We went out to dinner and had a great time. It was so much fun, and just unbelievable that it's been 7 years. Yikes.

As I posted before, I was able to watch the ball drop in NYC on New Year's Eve, which is a tradition for me personally, being a New Yorker by birth and at heart.

Tonight, we are having a big family dinner before Mom and Dad head back to Syracuse and the frigid temps. They will be there for about two weeks, and then Dad heads back to the warm temps while Mom has to brave another week of cold temps in Chicago. Yuk. They spoke to my brother Greg the other day, and it was 0. That means 0 degrees, without the windchill. I am SO GLAD that I live in AZ.

What else? Right now, I am still in limbo about the PET scan. Just waiting for the day. I am trying not to be anxious, but it's all going to work out the way it's supposed to, so knowing that helps. I am really happy for 2008 to be over. While I know bad things are going to happen (and, they will....it's inevitable) we have so many things to be thankful for this year that it just makes the year seem so much brighter.

I think that's about it for now. My fingers are getting tired from typing (damn this neuropathy) and dinner is just about ready. Side effect update: I am grateful that I don't get as tired as quickly as I did, though I have to say that I still get tired. The neuropathy right now is the biggest issue - my fingers are getting worse and worse, and my feet are the same. It's worse when I have been on them for a while, like when I go on walks. Levi and I have started changing our lifestyle (eating healthier and more excercise), but it's hard to continue the walks when my feet hurt. So, I do the walks as soon as I can, to avoid the pain. I am hoping that this will help overall in my recovery and in giving my body the tools it needs to fight off the damn cancer.

So, there you go. Dinner is ready, and I'm hungry. Later!

Comments:

Sharon R. said...

Hi! Happy Belated Anniv! I'm sorry I missed it - too much going on and being on maternity leave means I'm lucky if I remember what DAY it is :) Anyway, it's amazing how 7 years flies by - it was like we were just at the wedding!! And Mom/Dad are buying a house?!? Man, we need to catch up! I bet it will be nice to not all be under one cramped roof anymore though!

January 6, 2009 at 7:42 AM