Well, I
have to admit that I am fairly nervous about today's drs appt. I mean, I am so hopefully that everything will come out normal and negative, and that I will be
able to go on living life, moving forward as a survivor.
However, I have to realistically keep in mind that I might NOT be okay, yet. I might have another tumor growing, or the cancer might have spread, or I might have to undergo another round of chemo. Because of that, I feel like I can't be excited about what's going to happen today, so that I don't get my hopes up too high. I guess I don't want to be let down, so if I aim fairly low and get great results, all the better.
I just remember going into my colonoscopy thinking that all was well and coming out to the announcement that I had cancer. The sense of hopelessness and fear and terror and shock and numbness is unreal when that happens - anyone who has heard those words understands. But, potentially facing them again, potentially hearing that my fight for the past 6 months hasn't worked would be heart-breaking beyond belief. I know I need to mentally do what I can to prep myself for that moment, which may or may not come this afternoon.
Regardless of what happens, I will continue to fight this disease. Because even if the results come back that all is well in colon-land, the cancer cells are still in there, and I need to keep fighting. For my life, for my family, for my friends, and for the other survivors and patients out there.
I will try to update this evening after the appt, which is at 4:15 AZ time. I am going to have my port flushed just before the appt (they have to do this every 4-6 weeks to ensure that the port doesn't get clotted blood in it, etc.), and then off to the appt. Please keep your fingers crossed and think of me today. I am hopeful that things come out the way I want.
However, I have to realistically keep in mind that I might NOT be okay, yet. I might have another tumor growing, or the cancer might have spread, or I might have to undergo another round of chemo. Because of that, I feel like I can't be excited about what's going to happen today, so that I don't get my hopes up too high. I guess I don't want to be let down, so if I aim fairly low and get great results, all the better.
I just remember going into my colonoscopy thinking that all was well and coming out to the announcement that I had cancer. The sense of hopelessness and fear and terror and shock and numbness is unreal when that happens - anyone who has heard those words understands. But, potentially facing them again, potentially hearing that my fight for the past 6 months hasn't worked would be heart-breaking beyond belief. I know I need to mentally do what I can to prep myself for that moment, which may or may not come this afternoon.
Regardless of what happens, I will continue to fight this disease. Because even if the results come back that all is well in colon-land, the cancer cells are still in there, and I need to keep fighting. For my life, for my family, for my friends, and for the other survivors and patients out there.
I will try to update this evening after the appt, which is at 4:15 AZ time. I am going to have my port flushed just before the appt (they have to do this every 4-6 weeks to ensure that the port doesn't get clotted blood in it, etc.), and then off to the appt. Please keep your fingers crossed and think of me today. I am hopeful that things come out the way I want.
Comments:
Amanda: said...
Will
watch for updates! Hope today is a good one!
January
22, 2009 at 9:39 AM
GOOD
LUCK!
It will be, I think, around midnight here when you know your results. Give us a call if you want, we should still be up!
It will be, I think, around midnight here when you know your results. Give us a call if you want, we should still be up!
January
22, 2009 at 10:13 AM
jnwhiteh said...
Yes
please Michelle try and give us a call sometime after you get out (or post,
we'll get that to). We love you and are hoping for the best!
January
22, 2009 at 11:39 AM
Later:
I DID
IT!!!! I KICKED CANCER'S ASS! I can't post much right now - after all, both
kids are in the bathtub and hungry to boot, but I had to post quickly. As the
dr said, everything looks, in her words, PERFECT! Blood counts are all normal,
PET scan shows nothing. WOO-HOO!!!!!
More later, I promise, but I had to share the good news. I did it - I beat this thing, and I did it with a smile on my face (well, most of the time!).
Vegas, here we come. Girls, start getting ready!
More later, I promise, but I had to share the good news. I did it - I beat this thing, and I did it with a smile on my face (well, most of the time!).
Vegas, here we come. Girls, start getting ready!
Comments:
Carol
Urban said...
ABSOLUTELY
FRIGGIN WONDERFUL NEWS!!! THAT MAKES TWO OF US!!!
January
22, 2009 at 6:28 PM
AWESOME!
I'm SOOOO thrilled for you - you have no idea.
January
23, 2009 at 6:35 PM
I
AM SO HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY FOR YOU! DOING THE HAPPY DANCE HERE! GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOHOOOOOO!! TIME TO CELEBRATE!!
:)
:)
January
24, 2009 at 8:51 AM
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