I don't
have any specifics, but things aren't going well for Kim. Please pray for her,
her family, and her friends. I will keep you updated as I hear anything, but
I'm afraid that I won't have much good news at all....
Comments:
Amanda: said...
Keep
us posted. Hang in there.
August
27, 2009 at 9:42 AM
Later:
...and I
was given the amazing blessing to be there when it happened. If you've been
reading this blog, you've seen my updates about Kim and her fight. Today,
around 2:30pm, Kim lost her battle with cancer. Well, let me rephrase
that.....Kim chose to end things before cancer did. I say this because, in the
end, she's the one that took the oxygen mask off her face and made the decision
that it was time to go. She didn't let this thing beat her - she had the last
word, and that's all I would expect from Kim.
I knew things weren't well this week, and I haven't been to see Kim since before I left for NY. I jumped on facebook this morning to see a ominous post from her friend, Randi. I started texting and was given kind-of the "hang on and see" notice. Okay.....hard to do, but I tried. About 11:30 this morning, I got a call from Kim's friend Nat that I needed to get to the hospital, immediately. They were going to take Kim off the oxygen today and they wanted me there.
Needless to say, I shut off my computer and immediately headed to CTCA. There, I saw the most amazing sight - Kim was surrounded by friends and family, and was in such a loving environment that I could only think that no one could wish for a better goodbye.
I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that when the time came, it was Kim's choice to remove the oxygen mask, and about 30 minutes later, she was finally pain-free and no longer battling this bitch we call cancer. Although this was undoubtedly one of the hardest things I have ever watched, I am so grateful to have been there for this. It has undoubtedly changed me in ways I can't yet imagine, and I am just beyond words at this point.
I am not even sure what else to say right now. I have a mass of feeling going through my head; I have a hundred-thousand thoughts jamming up in my brain and I don't even know how to sort them out yet. I don't know if there are even words to put to the thoughts - do such words exist in our world?
I know that I am so grateful to have been asked to be at the hospital today. I was nervous - how would they accept me into this circle, and was it appropriate? I had more people than I can count come up to me today and tell me how grateful they were that I was there. Randi, who I've blogged about a little, said to me, "That could have been you if you had waited three months - now, we can advocate together." Yes, I did lose it and sob at that point. It was such a reminder and such a punch to the gut (in a good way). Just one of those *HOLY SHIT* moments.
I didn't know Kim as well as everyone else there in that room. I don't know what her favorite color was, what type of music she liked, or what her life's ambitions were, but we had an amazing bond. We fought together.....we could understand one another like few others can. I knew what she meant when she was tired, sick, etc. And, I know how important it is to her that I continue to advocate for others like us. That was our goal - to be able to go out there and change the world.
Kim - I know you're able to read this. You're watching over all of us, no doubt, looking more beautiful (if it's possible) than you have in months.....and, I promise you that I WILL NOT let your death be in vain. I will take your story and the story of others like us and I will move this awareness campaign forward. I will take whatever support your family provides, when they are ready, and I will use them to get our voice heard. Because we are one voice now - you get to tell me what to do, and where you want me to go. You're around me - I can feel it. I know you are around all of us that are hurting right now, and that's what we need. Thank you for letting me be, for a short time, a member of your extended family - that's one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given, and I can't tell you how grateful I am for it.
Today, I lost a friend and a sister. I am still waiting for it to hit me. It hasn't yet, though as I see the updates on facebook, the waves of sadness start to roll over me. I will not let Kim be forgotten. RIP, my wonderful friend. I'll see you later.....
I knew things weren't well this week, and I haven't been to see Kim since before I left for NY. I jumped on facebook this morning to see a ominous post from her friend, Randi. I started texting and was given kind-of the "hang on and see" notice. Okay.....hard to do, but I tried. About 11:30 this morning, I got a call from Kim's friend Nat that I needed to get to the hospital, immediately. They were going to take Kim off the oxygen today and they wanted me there.
Needless to say, I shut off my computer and immediately headed to CTCA. There, I saw the most amazing sight - Kim was surrounded by friends and family, and was in such a loving environment that I could only think that no one could wish for a better goodbye.
I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that when the time came, it was Kim's choice to remove the oxygen mask, and about 30 minutes later, she was finally pain-free and no longer battling this bitch we call cancer. Although this was undoubtedly one of the hardest things I have ever watched, I am so grateful to have been there for this. It has undoubtedly changed me in ways I can't yet imagine, and I am just beyond words at this point.
I am not even sure what else to say right now. I have a mass of feeling going through my head; I have a hundred-thousand thoughts jamming up in my brain and I don't even know how to sort them out yet. I don't know if there are even words to put to the thoughts - do such words exist in our world?
I know that I am so grateful to have been asked to be at the hospital today. I was nervous - how would they accept me into this circle, and was it appropriate? I had more people than I can count come up to me today and tell me how grateful they were that I was there. Randi, who I've blogged about a little, said to me, "That could have been you if you had waited three months - now, we can advocate together." Yes, I did lose it and sob at that point. It was such a reminder and such a punch to the gut (in a good way). Just one of those *HOLY SHIT* moments.
I didn't know Kim as well as everyone else there in that room. I don't know what her favorite color was, what type of music she liked, or what her life's ambitions were, but we had an amazing bond. We fought together.....we could understand one another like few others can. I knew what she meant when she was tired, sick, etc. And, I know how important it is to her that I continue to advocate for others like us. That was our goal - to be able to go out there and change the world.
Kim - I know you're able to read this. You're watching over all of us, no doubt, looking more beautiful (if it's possible) than you have in months.....and, I promise you that I WILL NOT let your death be in vain. I will take your story and the story of others like us and I will move this awareness campaign forward. I will take whatever support your family provides, when they are ready, and I will use them to get our voice heard. Because we are one voice now - you get to tell me what to do, and where you want me to go. You're around me - I can feel it. I know you are around all of us that are hurting right now, and that's what we need. Thank you for letting me be, for a short time, a member of your extended family - that's one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given, and I can't tell you how grateful I am for it.
Today, I lost a friend and a sister. I am still waiting for it to hit me. It hasn't yet, though as I see the updates on facebook, the waves of sadness start to roll over me. I will not let Kim be forgotten. RIP, my wonderful friend. I'll see you later.....
Comments:
Jill said...
my
eyes are leaking reading this and I cant put any of my thoughts into words. If
you need me Michelle I am here.
August
27, 2009 at 8:25 PM
Oh
Michelle... holding you in my heart today.
August
28, 2009 at 6:26 AM
I'm
not normally one to correct, but the room was not quiet when I said what I said
(& I think I was sobbing), so I will tell you again. :) "I'm so glad
you didn't wait three months. That could have been you & then you wouldn't
be here with us now. Now WE can advocate togther!"
Know in your heart, you have and always will be accepted by us. Your strength is power only you can provide.
I'm so very grateful you didn't wait. I'm so very thankful you stood up and kicked cancer's ass.
Love ya like a sista,
Randi
p.s. F%$# Cancer!! :)
Know in your heart, you have and always will be accepted by us. Your strength is power only you can provide.
I'm so very grateful you didn't wait. I'm so very thankful you stood up and kicked cancer's ass.
Love ya like a sista,
Randi
p.s. F%$# Cancer!! :)
August
28, 2009 at 2:08 PM
Wow,
Randi - I am so completely humbled by you and your family/friends. Truly, you
have all given me such a gift. I know that you think that I provide you with
strength - know that you all provide ME with strength. I am so incredibly proud
of you all, and to be considered a part of your group For that, I can't thank
you enough....
August
28, 2009 at 2:18 PM
Even
though I never met Kim or her family I felt I knew her through her posts and
also yours.
I feel devastated reading your blog today knowing Kim passed away but I am so glad she is no longer suffering.
I feel devastated reading your blog today knowing Kim passed away but I am so glad she is no longer suffering.
August
28, 2009 at 5:07 PM
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