I know
I've been rather quiet on here lately. There have been a myriad of
reasons, but I'm hoping to update this week, in bits and pieces.
The big news this week is that I start radiation tomorrow. I had my simulation yesterday, got three new tattoos (I think I may name them....it seems appropriate), and my first of many appointments is tomorrow. The reason for this is that while my CT scan came back clear, my CEA continues to rise, indicating that there is *something* going on in my body. In talking with the radiation oncologist, Dr. Chong, it seems that (since my lung tumors haven't grown or changed) there are some rogue bastard cancer cells roaming in my pelvis/abdomen, and they are growing. We need to get them before they become a tumor. Hence, the radiation.
I get more information today during my med-onc appt with Dr. K. on what low-dose chemotherapy I am going to start on. We need to use the low-dose chemo in conjunction with the radiation to make the radiation more effective. It sounds like I might end up going back on Xeloda, which is fine with me. I tolerated it pretty well, and I know what to expect. But, I've learned to expect the unexpected. As Dr. Chong told me last week, my case is a complicated one. In my head, that means I can't go into any appointments with expectations. Damn it. I'd like to go in, expecting good news, for once. :)
I'm anxious about this. I hate it. It's been a very emotional week for me....my brothers (and sister-in-law and niece) were in town last week from New York and Sweden, and saying good-bye to them is always hard. It's gotten harder since I was re-diagnosed, because I always wonder if I'll ever see them again. Those feelings are really difficult to feel, and to deal with. I hate to even admit that I feel that way, but I'd be lying otherwise, and I just don't have time for those kind of games, even with myself.
I cried yesterday, after I signed in at the radiation desk, and again as I walked through the door into the radiation area. Between the emotions of saying goodbye to my family, and finally starting to accept what's coming my way, I'll just say that I've been a bit more....sensitive lately. I have a lot building up inside.
But, that's for another post.
I'll do my best to bring you all up-to-date. My apologies if there are many small posts over the next few days.
Wishing you all a wonderful day....and, hoping for a good day for me. Lots of love to you all....
The big news this week is that I start radiation tomorrow. I had my simulation yesterday, got three new tattoos (I think I may name them....it seems appropriate), and my first of many appointments is tomorrow. The reason for this is that while my CT scan came back clear, my CEA continues to rise, indicating that there is *something* going on in my body. In talking with the radiation oncologist, Dr. Chong, it seems that (since my lung tumors haven't grown or changed) there are some rogue bastard cancer cells roaming in my pelvis/abdomen, and they are growing. We need to get them before they become a tumor. Hence, the radiation.
I get more information today during my med-onc appt with Dr. K. on what low-dose chemotherapy I am going to start on. We need to use the low-dose chemo in conjunction with the radiation to make the radiation more effective. It sounds like I might end up going back on Xeloda, which is fine with me. I tolerated it pretty well, and I know what to expect. But, I've learned to expect the unexpected. As Dr. Chong told me last week, my case is a complicated one. In my head, that means I can't go into any appointments with expectations. Damn it. I'd like to go in, expecting good news, for once. :)
I'm anxious about this. I hate it. It's been a very emotional week for me....my brothers (and sister-in-law and niece) were in town last week from New York and Sweden, and saying good-bye to them is always hard. It's gotten harder since I was re-diagnosed, because I always wonder if I'll ever see them again. Those feelings are really difficult to feel, and to deal with. I hate to even admit that I feel that way, but I'd be lying otherwise, and I just don't have time for those kind of games, even with myself.
I cried yesterday, after I signed in at the radiation desk, and again as I walked through the door into the radiation area. Between the emotions of saying goodbye to my family, and finally starting to accept what's coming my way, I'll just say that I've been a bit more....sensitive lately. I have a lot building up inside.
But, that's for another post.
I'll do my best to bring you all up-to-date. My apologies if there are many small posts over the next few days.
Wishing you all a wonderful day....and, hoping for a good day for me. Lots of love to you all....
Comments:
KA said...
Hugs
and love and many prayers to you, sweet Michelle, as you travel this
"new" journey of chemo and radiation. I hope you know the love and
support that surrounds you today and everyday. XO :)
March
13, 2013 at 8:55 AM
I'm
so sorry. This cancer is just an evil bitch. I think of you every single day and
you are a blessing in my life.
March
13, 2013 at 1:33 PM
Thandi said...
Lots
of love to you...Praying you will see them over and over and over.
March
14, 2013 at 3:28 AM
Alli said...
I
just found your blog tonight...
I will definitely be back to see how you are doing...
please take good care.
Peace & Blessings Love Alli....xx
I will definitely be back to see how you are doing...
please take good care.
Peace & Blessings Love Alli....xx
March
16, 2013 at 5:06 PM
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