As I look
at my blog, I realize that so much of it is positive, which is good. I
think, though, it's important to realize that life with cancer isn't always
positive.
And, as I re-read that sentence, it seems obvious, but it's important to note. I'm not always happy, and I'm not always smiling, and life isn't always rosy and happy.
This won't be a long post, but I think it needs to be said. Life with cancer sucks. It just effing sucks. There are good things that can come, especially when you have the most *amazing* people on your side. But, when push comes to shove and, like today, the side effects really decide to kick you in your ass, you understand how bad this disease and the treatment is.
Today, I slept in a little. Normally, I am up at around 5:30am to get the kids up and ready for school. Today, I slept in until 6:15. And, regretted it from the get-go. I didn't get my Zofran (anti-nausea) meds into me, which meant that my stomach was upset and ready to expel all contents. I didn't get my pain meds into me, so my back started creaking and hurting. Add those two together, life isn't pretty.
Then, the GI issues decided to kick in right on schedule, and between the cramping and the spasms of my bowels, the back pain, and the nausea....let's just say this morning wasn't pretty. I survived, and the meds are starting to kick in, so I'm not nearly as pitiful, but it's a hard way to start a day.
To those of you who are blessed to be observers and not survivors, I beg of you - please don't judge anyone. You have no idea what people are going through. I will face this day with a smile, because that what I need to do to survive. I have a few appointments this morning, and will be judging CTCA's Dress in Blue Day today at the hospital. I will do so with laughter, hugs, and smiles. But, I'll be very worried about when the next round of diarrhea will kick in, or whether I've eaten enough to ward off the nausea, or whether I've taken my meds at the right time.
I felt it was important to post about this for a few reasons. Cancer is awful, but I realize that, if you're reading my blog, you might think that this is easy. It's not. It sucks. I also think it's enormously important for people to realize that it's okay to admit to feeling sick, or to being torn down by what you're going through, or to just not feel up for anything. Those are all normal, and okay, and valid. Every single person has days when they don't feel good, don't feel up to something, don't feel like things are going their way. Cancer, as I've said before, has a way of amplifying all emotions.
And, that's okay. Just please, please know that it's okay. Normal is relative - I've said that before, and I think it bears repeating. Normal is relative, meaning normal for you is not going to be normal for the next person.
The sooner we all realize that, the better the world is going to be.
I'll end here, before I start off on another tangent. I have things to do, and I need to do them while I feel better.
My labs from yesterday showed that my red and white blood counts have stabilized. We are still on watch for them, but they aren't dropping anymore. For now. I'll take it - good news, however small, is worth remembering and celebrating.
Have a fabulous Friday, my army. :)
And, as I re-read that sentence, it seems obvious, but it's important to note. I'm not always happy, and I'm not always smiling, and life isn't always rosy and happy.
This won't be a long post, but I think it needs to be said. Life with cancer sucks. It just effing sucks. There are good things that can come, especially when you have the most *amazing* people on your side. But, when push comes to shove and, like today, the side effects really decide to kick you in your ass, you understand how bad this disease and the treatment is.
Today, I slept in a little. Normally, I am up at around 5:30am to get the kids up and ready for school. Today, I slept in until 6:15. And, regretted it from the get-go. I didn't get my Zofran (anti-nausea) meds into me, which meant that my stomach was upset and ready to expel all contents. I didn't get my pain meds into me, so my back started creaking and hurting. Add those two together, life isn't pretty.
Then, the GI issues decided to kick in right on schedule, and between the cramping and the spasms of my bowels, the back pain, and the nausea....let's just say this morning wasn't pretty. I survived, and the meds are starting to kick in, so I'm not nearly as pitiful, but it's a hard way to start a day.
To those of you who are blessed to be observers and not survivors, I beg of you - please don't judge anyone. You have no idea what people are going through. I will face this day with a smile, because that what I need to do to survive. I have a few appointments this morning, and will be judging CTCA's Dress in Blue Day today at the hospital. I will do so with laughter, hugs, and smiles. But, I'll be very worried about when the next round of diarrhea will kick in, or whether I've eaten enough to ward off the nausea, or whether I've taken my meds at the right time.
I felt it was important to post about this for a few reasons. Cancer is awful, but I realize that, if you're reading my blog, you might think that this is easy. It's not. It sucks. I also think it's enormously important for people to realize that it's okay to admit to feeling sick, or to being torn down by what you're going through, or to just not feel up for anything. Those are all normal, and okay, and valid. Every single person has days when they don't feel good, don't feel up to something, don't feel like things are going their way. Cancer, as I've said before, has a way of amplifying all emotions.
And, that's okay. Just please, please know that it's okay. Normal is relative - I've said that before, and I think it bears repeating. Normal is relative, meaning normal for you is not going to be normal for the next person.
The sooner we all realize that, the better the world is going to be.
I'll end here, before I start off on another tangent. I have things to do, and I need to do them while I feel better.
My labs from yesterday showed that my red and white blood counts have stabilized. We are still on watch for them, but they aren't dropping anymore. For now. I'll take it - good news, however small, is worth remembering and celebrating.
Have a fabulous Friday, my army. :)
Comments:
Carol
Pack Urban said...
Agree
with you 100 percent. Normal is relative. Just not in my family. giggle
March
29, 2013 at 8:22 PM
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