I can't
believe that the Undy 5000 is coming up in 6 more days (I can't count today
because even though it's Saturday, it's 8pm and effectively over!). We
had our final planning meeting today and things are coming together
amazingly. I am SO SO SO SO proud of what we have been able to accomplish
and what we are going to see happen next weekend. This is truly going to
be a benchmark for all of us, and I am just beyond excited.
If you haven't already donated to the cause, please check out my page and consider making a small donation - I'm hoping to raise $1,500, which is a LOT of money but well worth it. I"m over the $300 mark - maybe I can make $500 my new goal. Nah - I want to rick it this year.
If you are in the area, please please please consider joining me next Saturday morning. Unfortunately, my parents and my husband are still in New York and won't be here to help me celebrate this event. My good friend Seana is going to bring the kids down, and I will have lots of friends there, but more would be SO welcome.
If you haven't already donated to the cause, please check out my page and consider making a small donation - I'm hoping to raise $1,500, which is a LOT of money but well worth it. I"m over the $300 mark - maybe I can make $500 my new goal. Nah - I want to rick it this year.
If you are in the area, please please please consider joining me next Saturday morning. Unfortunately, my parents and my husband are still in New York and won't be here to help me celebrate this event. My good friend Seana is going to bring the kids down, and I will have lots of friends there, but more would be SO welcome.
Later:
Last week
I went to the doctor's and was diagnosed with a sinus infection. Fairly
harmless - antibiotics and I'm good. However, during the appointment, the
doctor mentioned in passing that my thyroid was enlarged. When I
mentioned that I had just been in for a bunch of bloodwork for a yearly
physical and had just had a PET scan in July, he seemed not to worry about the
thyroid and went on with the rest of my appointment.
I did not let this go quite as easily. Thyroid issues are fairly easy to fix, but what if it was another cancer? I'm prone to another cancer simply because I had one already. My first thought was that I was going to have to fight another demon. Terrifying. I haven't felt fear like that in a while - maybe not ever. The first time I was diagnosed, I really didn't have a clue what I was getting into. This time, I had an idea - certainly, it wouldn't be the same thing, but I had more knowledge about the terminology, etc. And, that is petrifying. Kind of like having a baby - the first time, you're in denial by ignorance. The second time, you have an idea of what you are getting into, and it's terrifying because you know what to expect. I know of a couple of people that have fought cancer, then been either diagnosed with a recurrence or another cancer. This could easily happen to me. Had it?
I had a follow-up appointment with the PA to go over the results of my bloodwork done during my yearly physical scheduled for next Friday, which would have been 2 weeks from the date the doctor mentioned my "enlarged thyroid." It also was the day before the Undy 5000. I wasn't willing to a) let this issue stew in my head for another week, and b) potentially face bad news the day before the race. So, I rescheduled the appointment for yesterday.
The good news is that my thyroid bloodwork came back well within normal limits (as did my glucose, CBC, cholesterol, etc.). And, the PA didn't detect any enlargement in my thyroid. I asked her to check, then check again.
The thing that bothered me was that this doctor that I saw (not my primary care, but another dr within their practice) let this issue go. He didn't pick up on my concern and didn't pursue this further. I don't know whether he read my chart, but I know that my cancer history is clearly stated in there. To have him just pass over this was disturbing, to say the least. What else would he have passed over if I mentioned it to him? What other symptoms (blood in my stool, pain, etc.) might he have blown off that could have been potentially life-threatening.
I mentioned my concerns to the PA that I spoke with, and I have to say that she was concerned. She's a great person - I really enjoy working with her and her supervising physician (not the guy I saw). They are a good group, but I don't think I'll be going back to the doctor that diagnosed me with the sinus infection unless I absolutely have to. I want to know that the doctors I see are trustworthy - that I can go to them with symptoms and have them listen to what I have to say, think about it and consider all options.
I wonder if other cancer patients and survivors automatically jump to horrible conclusions when they hear something like this. I can't imagine that I'm the only person that has worries like this - I think it's fairly inevitable when you have fought so hard for your life. You see danger where it MIGHT be, and you get ready to fight for all you're worth. Meantime, there's definitely a battle between being concerned about the what-ifs and living your life "normally". It's a tough line to walk.
I'm glad that I am fine, and that my thyroid is okay. I'm glad that I don't have this lingering over my head any more - wondering about the inevitable can be so uch worse than reality. Then again, reality can be worse than anything we can ever imagine. Either way, it was enough to make me re-evaluate what I'm doing and to realize that I need to get back to exercising, relaxing, taking time for myself, and investing in ME. If I don't do these essential things, then what I went through last year wasn't worth much at all. And, I'm not willing to let that be the case.
Off I go - I forgot that I'm supposed to be working on a PSA for the Undy. :-) I'm looking forward to next Saturday but I'm also looking forward to next Sunday! LOL!
I did not let this go quite as easily. Thyroid issues are fairly easy to fix, but what if it was another cancer? I'm prone to another cancer simply because I had one already. My first thought was that I was going to have to fight another demon. Terrifying. I haven't felt fear like that in a while - maybe not ever. The first time I was diagnosed, I really didn't have a clue what I was getting into. This time, I had an idea - certainly, it wouldn't be the same thing, but I had more knowledge about the terminology, etc. And, that is petrifying. Kind of like having a baby - the first time, you're in denial by ignorance. The second time, you have an idea of what you are getting into, and it's terrifying because you know what to expect. I know of a couple of people that have fought cancer, then been either diagnosed with a recurrence or another cancer. This could easily happen to me. Had it?
I had a follow-up appointment with the PA to go over the results of my bloodwork done during my yearly physical scheduled for next Friday, which would have been 2 weeks from the date the doctor mentioned my "enlarged thyroid." It also was the day before the Undy 5000. I wasn't willing to a) let this issue stew in my head for another week, and b) potentially face bad news the day before the race. So, I rescheduled the appointment for yesterday.
The good news is that my thyroid bloodwork came back well within normal limits (as did my glucose, CBC, cholesterol, etc.). And, the PA didn't detect any enlargement in my thyroid. I asked her to check, then check again.
The thing that bothered me was that this doctor that I saw (not my primary care, but another dr within their practice) let this issue go. He didn't pick up on my concern and didn't pursue this further. I don't know whether he read my chart, but I know that my cancer history is clearly stated in there. To have him just pass over this was disturbing, to say the least. What else would he have passed over if I mentioned it to him? What other symptoms (blood in my stool, pain, etc.) might he have blown off that could have been potentially life-threatening.
I mentioned my concerns to the PA that I spoke with, and I have to say that she was concerned. She's a great person - I really enjoy working with her and her supervising physician (not the guy I saw). They are a good group, but I don't think I'll be going back to the doctor that diagnosed me with the sinus infection unless I absolutely have to. I want to know that the doctors I see are trustworthy - that I can go to them with symptoms and have them listen to what I have to say, think about it and consider all options.
I wonder if other cancer patients and survivors automatically jump to horrible conclusions when they hear something like this. I can't imagine that I'm the only person that has worries like this - I think it's fairly inevitable when you have fought so hard for your life. You see danger where it MIGHT be, and you get ready to fight for all you're worth. Meantime, there's definitely a battle between being concerned about the what-ifs and living your life "normally". It's a tough line to walk.
I'm glad that I am fine, and that my thyroid is okay. I'm glad that I don't have this lingering over my head any more - wondering about the inevitable can be so uch worse than reality. Then again, reality can be worse than anything we can ever imagine. Either way, it was enough to make me re-evaluate what I'm doing and to realize that I need to get back to exercising, relaxing, taking time for myself, and investing in ME. If I don't do these essential things, then what I went through last year wasn't worth much at all. And, I'm not willing to let that be the case.
Off I go - I forgot that I'm supposed to be working on a PSA for the Undy. :-) I'm looking forward to next Saturday but I'm also looking forward to next Sunday! LOL!
Comments:
Heat said...
I
have had those kinds of freak outs. Yup yup. The lymph nodes in my neck were
swollen within a month of finishing radiation. Not cool.
I'm glad that you're OK :)
I met too many people while I was going through treatment whose disease was farther along than it should have been because the first doctor they went to blew them off. Good thing there was nothing seriously wrong when you saw this doc, and I wouldn't go back to them again, either.
Glad it was a benign reminder to take care of yourself :)
I'm glad that you're OK :)
I met too many people while I was going through treatment whose disease was farther along than it should have been because the first doctor they went to blew them off. Good thing there was nothing seriously wrong when you saw this doc, and I wouldn't go back to them again, either.
Glad it was a benign reminder to take care of yourself :)
November
14, 2009 at 10:55 PM
Hello!
Once you get on the cancer bus, you can't get off. I leap to massive
conclusions - its not a headache, its a brain tumor. Recovery also means the
mental ability not to leap to the massive conclusions.
November
15, 2009 at 6:41 AM
I
still panic a little when Josh tells me he has a headache... and we're 5 years
out...
November
15, 2009 at 9:37 AM
I
panic each time I have to see the PCP or oncologist, gynecologist or whomever.
I don't want to set foot in the door. Least of all I don't want them touching
me and discovering something that wasn't there before. I think you should talk
to this doctor again and address your concerns that he mentioned something and
then totally blew it off. Not cool.
November
15, 2009 at 9:57 AM
Yes,
it is scary. That's interesting you had that experience. We have found that
most doctors "jump" when there's a problem and immediately suspect
cancer, just because Ron is battling that. I think most survivors always have a
fear that the cancer will return or metastize to another organ in the body. I
think Caroline's comment is right on: "Once you are on the cancer bus, you
can't get off." I guess we are all just learning to handle the ride.
'
'
November
15, 2009 at 3:52 PM
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