One year
ago today, my Grandma passed away. It's been almost ten years since my
Grampa passed away. It's been over 30 years since my Nana and Papa left
us. I've been fairly lucky up until now, though. The loss of
family and friends has been fairly few and far between, although there was a
few months about ten years ago where I didn't want to answer the phone
when my parents called, as it seemed we couldn't go without a death every 2 or
3 months. As I get older, I will inevitably start losing more and
more family and friends. (Isn't there a request I can put through to
stop this process? I'm not happy about this aspect of getting older.)
Tomorrow, I head to Tucson to attend the services of an elderly cousin, Harold. Harold was my paternal grandfather's first cousin. He and I met when Levi and I first moved to Phoenix - apparently, he was intrigued by our daughter's name (which holds significant family meaning) and said to his son that he MUST meet this girl. And thus started a pretty cool relationship.
I am very glad that I got to know Harold. He was a pistol in his old age - he dedicated a good portion of his life to researching the family geneology, and he spoke at great lengths about the ways we were related (by more than one family member WAY BACK WHEN - I don't remember the specifics, though). When he would call me to talk, he always, always told me the same story. It made me laugh, especially once I had heard the intro more than three or four times...."Now, I don't know if I told you about the picture I found of your grandfather Norman back in the 1940s.....we were hunting in the fall....." It came to a point where the one time he neglected to tell me the story, I felt like I had done something wrong! :-)
Harold passed away this weekend, and it made me very sad. His passing was a good thing in the long run - he was in his 90s, had been on portable oxygen for a while, and wasn't able to do much on his own. He wanted, desperately, to be off and doing his own thing, but alas, his body has other plans. He was a good man, and someone I'm proud to say that I got the chance to know.
I remember Levi and I took the kids up to Harold's cabin one weekend before he moved to Tucson - I helped him cook a few meals, cleaned his house, and we talked about the family for quite a while. It was a new experience for me (he lived in a small cabin with very few amenities, a large wood-fired stove for cooking and heating, and the forest LITERALLY in his backyard - Levi loved it but, admittedly, I'm a [camping = hotel] kind of girl), but one I'll always be happy to remember.
The last time I spoke with Harold, he asked me about my brother and his fiancee, Tom. He wanted to tell me that Jim shouldn't be ashamed or worried about what other people said - he should be proud for who he is. And, he wanted me to tell my brother than there were "others in the family like him" but that in their time, they couldn't talk about it. He proceeded to tell me that, some time ago, he wouldn't have agreed with Jim's decision. But now - he realizes that it's no big deal, and the fact that Jim found someone to love was more important than what gender that person was. (And, something I whole-heartedly agree with, but I digress...)
As I said, Harold's passing made me sad. As I lose people in my life, I think about my own life, and how precious this all is. Have I done things to make myself proud? Have I done things that will make my family and friends proud? Will I be the type of person that will be remembered with laughter and smiles as well as tears when I do die? I certainly hope so. When I do go onto the next place, I want my friends and family to celebrate with a big party with lots of rocking music (I would appreciate a good selection that will reflect the eclectic musical interests that I enjoy), balloons (I don't know why - this just seems like a good thing....blue and lime green, please!), and LOTS of laughter. I don't want people to mourn - I want them to enjoy their time together, and remember that living life is what it's all about.
Through my own very personal reflection, I will take the time in the next couple of days to review my life, take stock in what I have to be thankful for, and re-evaluate my priorities. I am reminded that we are all here for a short period of time, and that it's our responsibility to cherish the time we have with everyone. I will go home tonight and hug my kids a little tighter. I will remember to tell my parents, brothers, and other family and friends how much I love them (I do - I love you all more than I can tell you!). I will remind my husband that he's the love of my life. And, I will remember to take time to cherish my own life as one that's worthy of the fight I endured to keep it.
To all those that have passed before us - it's only a matter of time before we meet again. Enjoy your time up there, and rest up while you can - once I get there (hopefully, a long time from now!) the party really starts!
Tomorrow, I head to Tucson to attend the services of an elderly cousin, Harold. Harold was my paternal grandfather's first cousin. He and I met when Levi and I first moved to Phoenix - apparently, he was intrigued by our daughter's name (which holds significant family meaning) and said to his son that he MUST meet this girl. And thus started a pretty cool relationship.
I am very glad that I got to know Harold. He was a pistol in his old age - he dedicated a good portion of his life to researching the family geneology, and he spoke at great lengths about the ways we were related (by more than one family member WAY BACK WHEN - I don't remember the specifics, though). When he would call me to talk, he always, always told me the same story. It made me laugh, especially once I had heard the intro more than three or four times...."Now, I don't know if I told you about the picture I found of your grandfather Norman back in the 1940s.....we were hunting in the fall....." It came to a point where the one time he neglected to tell me the story, I felt like I had done something wrong! :-)
Harold passed away this weekend, and it made me very sad. His passing was a good thing in the long run - he was in his 90s, had been on portable oxygen for a while, and wasn't able to do much on his own. He wanted, desperately, to be off and doing his own thing, but alas, his body has other plans. He was a good man, and someone I'm proud to say that I got the chance to know.
I remember Levi and I took the kids up to Harold's cabin one weekend before he moved to Tucson - I helped him cook a few meals, cleaned his house, and we talked about the family for quite a while. It was a new experience for me (he lived in a small cabin with very few amenities, a large wood-fired stove for cooking and heating, and the forest LITERALLY in his backyard - Levi loved it but, admittedly, I'm a [camping = hotel] kind of girl), but one I'll always be happy to remember.
The last time I spoke with Harold, he asked me about my brother and his fiancee, Tom. He wanted to tell me that Jim shouldn't be ashamed or worried about what other people said - he should be proud for who he is. And, he wanted me to tell my brother than there were "others in the family like him" but that in their time, they couldn't talk about it. He proceeded to tell me that, some time ago, he wouldn't have agreed with Jim's decision. But now - he realizes that it's no big deal, and the fact that Jim found someone to love was more important than what gender that person was. (And, something I whole-heartedly agree with, but I digress...)
As I said, Harold's passing made me sad. As I lose people in my life, I think about my own life, and how precious this all is. Have I done things to make myself proud? Have I done things that will make my family and friends proud? Will I be the type of person that will be remembered with laughter and smiles as well as tears when I do die? I certainly hope so. When I do go onto the next place, I want my friends and family to celebrate with a big party with lots of rocking music (I would appreciate a good selection that will reflect the eclectic musical interests that I enjoy), balloons (I don't know why - this just seems like a good thing....blue and lime green, please!), and LOTS of laughter. I don't want people to mourn - I want them to enjoy their time together, and remember that living life is what it's all about.
Through my own very personal reflection, I will take the time in the next couple of days to review my life, take stock in what I have to be thankful for, and re-evaluate my priorities. I am reminded that we are all here for a short period of time, and that it's our responsibility to cherish the time we have with everyone. I will go home tonight and hug my kids a little tighter. I will remember to tell my parents, brothers, and other family and friends how much I love them (I do - I love you all more than I can tell you!). I will remind my husband that he's the love of my life. And, I will remember to take time to cherish my own life as one that's worthy of the fight I endured to keep it.
To all those that have passed before us - it's only a matter of time before we meet again. Enjoy your time up there, and rest up while you can - once I get there (hopefully, a long time from now!) the party really starts!
Comments:
Heat said...
I'm
sorry to read about Harold, but I'm glad you have many good memories of him.
If the color of the balloons ever changes, let me know. I got 'em for ya.
If the color of the balloons ever changes, let me know. I got 'em for ya.
January
30, 2010 at 10:54 PM
