Ah....as
the IV pain meds continue to wear off, and as my body tries to heal, the pain
level is creeping up. Damn it. I'm good most of the time, but for
about a 2-hour span (an hour before my Lortab and an hour after I take it), my
lower back is really bothering me. Not I-can't-function pain, but a
low-level (maybe 4 or 5 on a scale of 1-10) that is just enough to cause tension
in my body and to not allow me to sleep well during those times at night.
I'll be making a phone call to my doctor today to see if this is normal,
or if this is something we need to change up the meds for.
Update: spoke with my care manager, and she spoke with my doc. This is fairly par for the course, and we are going to wait for a few more days to see if the pain starts to ease. If not, I'm to go back into the office to see if we need to re-evaluate my pain meds. Meantime, I'm going to do what I know works to help me get through the pain, and use it as a reminder to relax and stay calm.
I'm trying to remember to take it easy. My brain is ready to get back to life, and my body is in serious recovery mode, so I'm trying to make sure that I listen to my body. I know it's only a few days out of surgery, but (in my typical manner), I'm already sick and tired of sitting around and just watching television. Although, today won't be terribly bad - New Kids are on The View and making a huge announcement (concert maybe?!?!), so that will help break the day up. Woo-hoo!
So, any books you can recommend that I read? Easy reads, please, since my brain is not ready for heavy reading yet. And, any silly movies you can recommend? I'm not generally a movie person, and sad movies aren't an option right now. I need things to make me laugh and smile.
What else? We set up follow-up appointments with the docs for next week, so we'll have a game plan and know more about what we are dealing with. I'm still expecting the phone call regarding the path reports today or tomorrow, so that's got me a little anxious.
As I think more about it, the fact that this cancer has come back at all (in some form or another) pisses me off. I knew it was a possibility, but I just didn't think it would happen this soon. I'm really hoping that Dr. Acord (the surgeon that helped my Gyn Onc with my surgery) calls and says that while they found cancer cells in the cyst/mass, they were all dead/dying. I know that's being optimistic, but hey - I'm that kind of girl. To me, that seems like it would be the best option right now. I'm just hoping they didn't find a full-on cancerous mass in the cyst.
My hope right now is that we can continue with the Xeloda (the oral chemo). That seems to have kept things in check, and I am tolerating it well. I can continue to live my life and function as a mom, work full-time, do what I need/want to do on the Xeloda. We had started out with the lowest dose possible, so I'm thinking that they will either continue at that level and/or increase the dosage. I'm really, really, really hoping that I can stay off the IV chemo for a while. Forever would be amazing. :)
But, whatever I have to do, I will. I am not ready to give up.
I will say that this experience has forced me to re-evaluate my life goals, expectations, etc. I think that has just really pushed me to continue to live each day to the fullest. I see each interaction with my kids as a way to create a memory for them...each hug conveys my love for them. Each touch is a physical way for me to say "I love you." Each moment I'm laughing with my kids and my parents is a memory that we will always have. It doesn't matter whether I have 4 months left, 4 years, or 4 decades. Every single moment counts.
I have to consider that this cancer is going keep coming back. While this gets me down (there's a certain part of me that knows I have to accept this, even if I hate it), it also pushes me to want to do more. I have so much that I want to do. And, it seems like the list gets longer each and every day.
I need to take my kids to Disney World. This isn't even a want. I MUST do this. I have to experience this with them. I want to go visit my brother in Sweden. I want to go back to Nashville and rock the hell out of a Friday and/or Saturday night. I want to go to the Ryman and the Grand Ole Opry. I want to go to Sedona here in Arizona. I want to go back to New York and visit with family and friends.
I want to see my children continue to grow up. I want to follow through on some decisions I've made and see where they take me. I want to meet my beautiful niece, who's now due on my birthday in June and will be named after me (Elizabeth Michelle).
The list is endless. I'm looking forward to checking things off this list, and to adding more things.
Anyways, that's what's on my mind. The thing about recovery from surgery is that it gives you time to think....which can be good or bad. Right now, I'm using this time to figure out what I want to do, where I want to be, what I want to accomplish. Oh - and to rest. I need to use this time to rest. :)
Have a fabulous day, my army.
Update: spoke with my care manager, and she spoke with my doc. This is fairly par for the course, and we are going to wait for a few more days to see if the pain starts to ease. If not, I'm to go back into the office to see if we need to re-evaluate my pain meds. Meantime, I'm going to do what I know works to help me get through the pain, and use it as a reminder to relax and stay calm.
I'm trying to remember to take it easy. My brain is ready to get back to life, and my body is in serious recovery mode, so I'm trying to make sure that I listen to my body. I know it's only a few days out of surgery, but (in my typical manner), I'm already sick and tired of sitting around and just watching television. Although, today won't be terribly bad - New Kids are on The View and making a huge announcement (concert maybe?!?!), so that will help break the day up. Woo-hoo!
So, any books you can recommend that I read? Easy reads, please, since my brain is not ready for heavy reading yet. And, any silly movies you can recommend? I'm not generally a movie person, and sad movies aren't an option right now. I need things to make me laugh and smile.
What else? We set up follow-up appointments with the docs for next week, so we'll have a game plan and know more about what we are dealing with. I'm still expecting the phone call regarding the path reports today or tomorrow, so that's got me a little anxious.
As I think more about it, the fact that this cancer has come back at all (in some form or another) pisses me off. I knew it was a possibility, but I just didn't think it would happen this soon. I'm really hoping that Dr. Acord (the surgeon that helped my Gyn Onc with my surgery) calls and says that while they found cancer cells in the cyst/mass, they were all dead/dying. I know that's being optimistic, but hey - I'm that kind of girl. To me, that seems like it would be the best option right now. I'm just hoping they didn't find a full-on cancerous mass in the cyst.
My hope right now is that we can continue with the Xeloda (the oral chemo). That seems to have kept things in check, and I am tolerating it well. I can continue to live my life and function as a mom, work full-time, do what I need/want to do on the Xeloda. We had started out with the lowest dose possible, so I'm thinking that they will either continue at that level and/or increase the dosage. I'm really, really, really hoping that I can stay off the IV chemo for a while. Forever would be amazing. :)
But, whatever I have to do, I will. I am not ready to give up.
I will say that this experience has forced me to re-evaluate my life goals, expectations, etc. I think that has just really pushed me to continue to live each day to the fullest. I see each interaction with my kids as a way to create a memory for them...each hug conveys my love for them. Each touch is a physical way for me to say "I love you." Each moment I'm laughing with my kids and my parents is a memory that we will always have. It doesn't matter whether I have 4 months left, 4 years, or 4 decades. Every single moment counts.
I have to consider that this cancer is going keep coming back. While this gets me down (there's a certain part of me that knows I have to accept this, even if I hate it), it also pushes me to want to do more. I have so much that I want to do. And, it seems like the list gets longer each and every day.
I need to take my kids to Disney World. This isn't even a want. I MUST do this. I have to experience this with them. I want to go visit my brother in Sweden. I want to go back to Nashville and rock the hell out of a Friday and/or Saturday night. I want to go to the Ryman and the Grand Ole Opry. I want to go to Sedona here in Arizona. I want to go back to New York and visit with family and friends.
I want to see my children continue to grow up. I want to follow through on some decisions I've made and see where they take me. I want to meet my beautiful niece, who's now due on my birthday in June and will be named after me (Elizabeth Michelle).
The list is endless. I'm looking forward to checking things off this list, and to adding more things.
Anyways, that's what's on my mind. The thing about recovery from surgery is that it gives you time to think....which can be good or bad. Right now, I'm using this time to figure out what I want to do, where I want to be, what I want to accomplish. Oh - and to rest. I need to use this time to rest. :)
Have a fabulous day, my army.
Comments:
Carol
Pack Urban said...
Fantastic
post! Will be waiting to hear more in the next day or two.
January
22, 2013 at 10:04 AM
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