JANUARY 23, 2013

Wednesday Morning, Post-Surgery

I've been sleeping in the recliner since I came home from surgery (it's basically been my headquarters for all of my surgeries, since it's easiest to get in and out of), and while it's a nice chair, it gets old....really quickly.  At about 5am this morning, I was exhausted and decided to try getting into bed to see if my abdomen could handle it.  

I'm happy to report that I was able to get a couple more hours of sleep once I laid down!  You forget how amazing it can be to lay down in a soft, warm bed and fall asleep.  And, at the risk of jinxing myself, my back feels marginally better this morning.  Maybe I'm on an upswing?  Here's hoping.  

Mentally, I'm feeling better this morning, too.  Yesterday was hard.  There are things you don't want to think about, don't want to accept, don't want to have to consider, especially at this age.  One of the paradoxes of being diagnosed with cancer (or really, any kind of potentially terminal disease, I imagine) is that you are forced to really look at your own mortality when you should be planning the rest of your life.  I mean, I'm 36 years old.  I should be living the "dream" - I have two amazingly beautiful children. I now know what I want to do with my life, which ironically, I learned because of my diagnosis.  

And, when I think about it - I really am living an amazing dream.  I'm here....blissfully, by the grace of my own strength (which I'm starting to appreciate and nurture), my doctor's knowledge and talent, the support of my fabulously huge army (that's you, wonderful reader), I'm alive.  I'm able to see my children, hug them, laugh with them, teach them, watch them grow into these amazing people.  I've found ways to do what I love to do - support other survivors - and hopefully make a difference in their journey.  I try to nurture the friendships and relationships that I've been blessed with (admittedly, I need to work harder at this), and let them know how much I appreciate them.  

Pretty cool, when you think about it.  

So, yes - I do need to consider the possibility that this disease will keep coming back and will continue to try to win.  I won't let it.  I feel like, as I life the hell out of my life, I'm showing the cancer that it can't, won't win.    

Off I go, to live life in the only way, the best way I know how.  

Much love to y'all....

Later:

Path Report

Well, it's definitely not what I wanted to hear, but it's what I expected.  The cancer cells they found in the mass they took out last week were metastatic colon cancer cells.

Laymen's terms: the colon cancer spread to my ovary.

Damn it.

The good news (or, the good news I'm pulling from the conversation) is that there wasn't necessarily a "tumor" found, and many of the cells they found were necrotic (dead or dying).

We won't have a game plan until next week when we meet with the doctors, but at least we know the freaking beast is trying to come back.

Bring it, bitch.  I've got an army.  :)

Comments:

I'm Nic. said...

A resounding *booooooooooo* coming from up here.
But you've kicked its ass before...you'll do it again.

Of this I am certain.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Keep "Hangin' Tough".

January 23, 2013 at 2:46 PM

 Tina said...

Ugh! No, not a surprise, but still stinks! But hopefully this means the Xeloda is working? And hopefully they got it all, so there is no more cancer in that area.
Keep kicking back! I still believe you will win!

January 23, 2013 at 3:00 PM

 Carol Pack Urban said...

Praying that the cancer cells are all dying off. I hope your back pain lessens soon.

January 23, 2013 at 10:13 PM