Today is
a better day. While I am still not 100%, I am feeling better. And, I think it
has to do with a couple of things.
First, Levi and I talked. Well, mostly I talked and he listened. I needed to let him know what was going on in my head, mainly b/c he has been around so much and is the person taking the brunt of my bitchiness. And, it was a great talk. I was able to get some things off my chest, he was able to get some off of his, and we came to an understanding about where I am mentally and emotionally. It was good because now I have given him some of the tools he needs to help me get through what I am dealing with. And, talking always helps.
I also went to the doctors yesterday. We are going to discontinue the Oxalipalantin (that's the drug that I am having so much difficulty with - and, the one that is causing the peripheral neuropathy and cold sensitivity - ice cream sundae, here I come...eventually). That's such a relief. There is no long-term effect from stopping at this point, and I found out that most people end up stopping this drug by this point due to side effects or allergic reactions, so I did pretty well! We will continue on schedule with the other two drugs, and I am scheduled for my next PET scan on December 29th, Levi's and my 7th wedding anniversary. I hope that is a good sign!
I spoke with the PA about my depression, and he said that's perfectly normal and prescribed an anti-depressant. Then, a good friend of mine told me about a program through work that will provide me with some free counseling sessions, and I am going to pursue that route first. I think that I can work through this on my own, with some professional help, and for now, that's what I am going to do, knowing that I always have the drugs as backup, if I need them. Some people don't agree with my decision, but that's what I am going to do. I feel like this is the right decision for me, and that's all that matters right now.
What else? I think that's about it. People have been so supportive about my depression, and are giving me such wonderful advice. Please know that I am thinking about everything you have sent to me, and considering all options. It has been such a boon knowing that you all support me through this, and truly, that's what helps me get up in the morning.
I received two comments that I want to respond to here, b/c I don't have their emails. First, to the lady who was diagnosed the same day as me - girl, I feel you! Do I ever. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts, and that if you ever need to talk, all you have to do is say the word. Maureen, my angel, you are also in my thoughts. I got your message, and am going to see if your dr is in my network. I am thinking of you and your family each day, and know that I am sending all chemo cancer warriors to you. Anything I can do, PLEASE let me know.
To the rest of you, again, thank you so much for your support. I need it now more than ever.
First, Levi and I talked. Well, mostly I talked and he listened. I needed to let him know what was going on in my head, mainly b/c he has been around so much and is the person taking the brunt of my bitchiness. And, it was a great talk. I was able to get some things off my chest, he was able to get some off of his, and we came to an understanding about where I am mentally and emotionally. It was good because now I have given him some of the tools he needs to help me get through what I am dealing with. And, talking always helps.
I also went to the doctors yesterday. We are going to discontinue the Oxalipalantin (that's the drug that I am having so much difficulty with - and, the one that is causing the peripheral neuropathy and cold sensitivity - ice cream sundae, here I come...eventually). That's such a relief. There is no long-term effect from stopping at this point, and I found out that most people end up stopping this drug by this point due to side effects or allergic reactions, so I did pretty well! We will continue on schedule with the other two drugs, and I am scheduled for my next PET scan on December 29th, Levi's and my 7th wedding anniversary. I hope that is a good sign!
I spoke with the PA about my depression, and he said that's perfectly normal and prescribed an anti-depressant. Then, a good friend of mine told me about a program through work that will provide me with some free counseling sessions, and I am going to pursue that route first. I think that I can work through this on my own, with some professional help, and for now, that's what I am going to do, knowing that I always have the drugs as backup, if I need them. Some people don't agree with my decision, but that's what I am going to do. I feel like this is the right decision for me, and that's all that matters right now.
What else? I think that's about it. People have been so supportive about my depression, and are giving me such wonderful advice. Please know that I am thinking about everything you have sent to me, and considering all options. It has been such a boon knowing that you all support me through this, and truly, that's what helps me get up in the morning.
I received two comments that I want to respond to here, b/c I don't have their emails. First, to the lady who was diagnosed the same day as me - girl, I feel you! Do I ever. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts, and that if you ever need to talk, all you have to do is say the word. Maureen, my angel, you are also in my thoughts. I got your message, and am going to see if your dr is in my network. I am thinking of you and your family each day, and know that I am sending all chemo cancer warriors to you. Anything I can do, PLEASE let me know.
To the rest of you, again, thank you so much for your support. I need it now more than ever.
Comments:
Freedom
Runner said...
Three
cheers for your decision to hold off on the medication for the depression! :o)
Especially after chemo, you want to clean your system out--not put more crap
into it.
Also glad to hear that you and your husband had a heart-to-heart. I have only been married 18 months, but I learned very quickly that men are not mind readers (heck, none of us are), and that when you do have an honest conversation with them and articulate what's going on in your head, they can be surprisingly compassionate and helpful in solving problems.
You go girl! Hang in there!
Also glad to hear that you and your husband had a heart-to-heart. I have only been married 18 months, but I learned very quickly that men are not mind readers (heck, none of us are), and that when you do have an honest conversation with them and articulate what's going on in your head, they can be surprisingly compassionate and helpful in solving problems.
You go girl! Hang in there!
November
6, 2008 at 6:46 PM
I
love you, Michelle - I am so completely sorry that you are in so much pain -
physically, mentally, emotionally. I just don't know what else to say or do for
you, and I wish I lived closer and could do a million things. Please know that
I think of you, pray for you, and love you every day!
Stephenie
Stephenie
November
6, 2008 at 7:35 PM
Michelle...
don't worry about whether you should take the depression meds or not. They are
there to help and there is nothing wrong in your situation to feel like you
shouldn't have to taken them. I had to when I found out that my neuropathy from
my spinal problems was going to be permanent (yea, it's be a joy ride.) Do what
you think is best for your own personal feelings. Don't worry about drugs vs no
drugs. If you need them, take them. If you don't, then don't. What's more
important is that you feel as good as you can. And if drugs help, then it's
hopefully temporary.
Love and always thinking of ya... still waiting to hear when we're hitting Vegas! Just say when... today, tomorrow, next month, next summer... I'LL BE THERE! LOL!
Love and always thinking of ya... still waiting to hear when we're hitting Vegas! Just say when... today, tomorrow, next month, next summer... I'LL BE THERE! LOL!
November
8, 2008 at 12:38 PM
Later:
Here are
some pictures of the kids from Halloween.
Julia was
a black cat (her choice) and Kevin was Woody from the Disney/Pixar movie Toy
Story.
He wasn't happy with me about this costume, and I wish I had better pictures -
you should have seen him with the cowboy hat. Just adorable.
The next two pictures might get me divorced, but it might be worth it. Mom brought her traditional Halloween costume back from Syracuse with her, and we forced Levi into it. How do you NOT laugh at these?!?!
Levi flipping me off. As I am posting these pictures, he is telling me that he won't "put out" any more if I post them. You tell me, is it worth it??!
Comments:
oh
Heck yeah...
oh man...
woah.
i am speechless.
thanks for sharing... that totally made my night.
the kids are adorable and so is levi!
love ya!
oh man...
woah.
i am speechless.
thanks for sharing... that totally made my night.
the kids are adorable and so is levi!
love ya!
November
6, 2008 at 8:23 PM
HAHAHAHAHA!
Love it! I think Levi makes a great Eeyore. Besides, dammit, you've been
through hell and back - you deserve to post pics that make you laugh out
loud!!!
November
7, 2008 at 9:09 AM
HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
oh my word I snorted & wheezed!
Levi you look so cute I cannot wait to show Dave.
oh my word I snorted & wheezed!
Levi you look so cute I cannot wait to show Dave.
November
7, 2008 at 2:23 PM
Awesome!!
Like I said... Levi's a big boy, so if he got wrestled into wearing it and on
TOP of that stuck around to have his picture taken, he has NOTHING to complain
about! :) :) :) Levi, my darling - you make a lovely @ss ;-)
November
7, 2008 at 2:30 PM
So
worth it! I LOVE it - I can't believe Levi let you do that AND let you take a
picture!
On to #11!!! Woo hoo!! When will you find out if you need 12 or 13?
Love you!
On to #11!!! Woo hoo!! When will you find out if you need 12 or 13?
Love you!
November
10, 2008 at 8:49 PM
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