Well,
it's a good thing that I don't have the energy to post during the week of
chemo, b/c I am sure that I would scare off anyone who is reading this, trying
to get support for their chemo trip. I can tell you, without a doubt, that
chemo sucks. There is no two ways about it - this is going to be, by far, the
toughest, most difficult journey I have ever had to go through. (Damn it.)
Monday was a good day, and I was able to go to group and spend some time at dinner with a bunch of people from work (thanks again for dinner - it was so good to see you all!!!). Tuesday was chemo day one, and I was pretty okay with it. They administered the drugs and the chemo, and it wasn't too bad. At first. I was nauseous and tired, but I was expecting that. Wednesday was a-w-f-u-l ! I was so sick to my tummy, and the meds only took the edge off. Poor Dad was trying to handle me, the kids and everything else, and I know that me worrying about him was making my symptoms worse. On top of everything else, I also got a killer headache (as if I needed more to deal with) and the only remedy - Tylenol. Really? It did take the edge off, though.
Wed. night was horrible, and I literally couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't eat, and I dozed the entire night away. Thursday was almost worst - Dad and Mom left to head back to NY for a couple of weeks, and I was feeling so bad. Luckily (sort of) Levi was off, so he helped take care of me. I was able to get my shower, then take a nap, then get ready for the pump removal and the PA appt (getting ready - this means that I was able to get dressed completely).
My appt went well - they took off the pump, and all seemed well with that. Bill said that my numbers (blood counts - all of them) are normal (imagine that!) and where they need to be. That is awesome - even my cancer markers are within "normal" range, which means that it doesn't appear that the cancer is spreading. Woo!
I will say that, in hindsight, had I eaten something more substantial than bread during these three days, my Friday and Saturday might have turned out better. But, when you are nauseous, and NOTHING sounds, looks, or tastes good to eat, what are you supposed to do? Friday, Levi got called out of town for work (at 5:30 in the morning!) and I did my best to get myself and the kids ready for daycare. I got them there and was able to get home (barely) before crashing onto the couch and into a nap. All day long, I tried to eat, but I couldn't. Friday night, daycare came and dropped the kids off to me, which was a blessing. Levi made it home from Tucson about 7:30, and I fell asleep.
Saturday, Levi's dad came into town, and we went out to lunch. Hello - why didn't I think of this before? I was exhausted and nauseous, but forced myself to eat salad and soup. Shockingly, I started to perk up and feel better. Who knew that the cure for nausea was eating?
And, on Saturday afternoon, Mom and Dad and my brothers set up Jimmy's webcam at the firehouse where Mom and Dad were having a kind of get-together, and I was able to see family and friends in Syracuse, which was so cool! By the way, if you have a webcam and want to chat, let me know. I have one (thanks, Jimmy - who knew this would come in SO handy!?!), and use it often. Love technology. Anyways, it was really neat to be able to see everyone and to talk with them, to let them know that I am OK.
I think that's about it. Right now, I am feeling pretty good. Tired, and very quickly at that, but as long as I remember to eat, I am okay. Really - who knew that this would be my biggest issue? So, this round - it sucked, but the effects only lasted from Tuesday through Saturday afternoon, so not too bad.
I say that now - as I said, it's really a good thing that I can't blog during chemo. The response would be much worse. It's so easy during those times when you are sitting in bed, watching Maury Povich b/c that's the most entertaining and educational thing on TV, feeling crappy to think that this isn't worth it. Believe me - those thoughts have run through my head more than once. I have had thoughts about stopping the chemo all together. Why not - why feel this bad? Why go to a place biweekly that makes me so sick? Even when my kids are sitting there, it's easy to think these things.
Honestly, there are times when I don't think that I am going to have the strength to make it through this. I really don't. But then, I finally start to feel better, and I am able to see the bright side of this. Well, the not-so-dismal part of this, anyways. As I said before, this is definitely going to be the hardest thing I have gone through up until now, and I can't wait until November. I really can't. Because, to have this behind me might mean getting back to a semblance of normal. Right now, my normal consists of a week of chemo, and a week of recovery, trying to fit everything I want to do into that week of feeling okay. It's a struggle for me, and I am working on it. But, I am going to make it to November. And, beyond.
After all, my Mom saw Disneyland this week (she was in Anaheim for a conference, and went to World fo Disney). And, I still haven't. Um, does that seem right to any of you? I don't think so. See, bright side. Oh, Mickey and Buzz - here I come!
Monday was a good day, and I was able to go to group and spend some time at dinner with a bunch of people from work (thanks again for dinner - it was so good to see you all!!!). Tuesday was chemo day one, and I was pretty okay with it. They administered the drugs and the chemo, and it wasn't too bad. At first. I was nauseous and tired, but I was expecting that. Wednesday was a-w-f-u-l ! I was so sick to my tummy, and the meds only took the edge off. Poor Dad was trying to handle me, the kids and everything else, and I know that me worrying about him was making my symptoms worse. On top of everything else, I also got a killer headache (as if I needed more to deal with) and the only remedy - Tylenol. Really? It did take the edge off, though.
Wed. night was horrible, and I literally couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't eat, and I dozed the entire night away. Thursday was almost worst - Dad and Mom left to head back to NY for a couple of weeks, and I was feeling so bad. Luckily (sort of) Levi was off, so he helped take care of me. I was able to get my shower, then take a nap, then get ready for the pump removal and the PA appt (getting ready - this means that I was able to get dressed completely).
My appt went well - they took off the pump, and all seemed well with that. Bill said that my numbers (blood counts - all of them) are normal (imagine that!) and where they need to be. That is awesome - even my cancer markers are within "normal" range, which means that it doesn't appear that the cancer is spreading. Woo!
I will say that, in hindsight, had I eaten something more substantial than bread during these three days, my Friday and Saturday might have turned out better. But, when you are nauseous, and NOTHING sounds, looks, or tastes good to eat, what are you supposed to do? Friday, Levi got called out of town for work (at 5:30 in the morning!) and I did my best to get myself and the kids ready for daycare. I got them there and was able to get home (barely) before crashing onto the couch and into a nap. All day long, I tried to eat, but I couldn't. Friday night, daycare came and dropped the kids off to me, which was a blessing. Levi made it home from Tucson about 7:30, and I fell asleep.
Saturday, Levi's dad came into town, and we went out to lunch. Hello - why didn't I think of this before? I was exhausted and nauseous, but forced myself to eat salad and soup. Shockingly, I started to perk up and feel better. Who knew that the cure for nausea was eating?
And, on Saturday afternoon, Mom and Dad and my brothers set up Jimmy's webcam at the firehouse where Mom and Dad were having a kind of get-together, and I was able to see family and friends in Syracuse, which was so cool! By the way, if you have a webcam and want to chat, let me know. I have one (thanks, Jimmy - who knew this would come in SO handy!?!), and use it often. Love technology. Anyways, it was really neat to be able to see everyone and to talk with them, to let them know that I am OK.
I think that's about it. Right now, I am feeling pretty good. Tired, and very quickly at that, but as long as I remember to eat, I am okay. Really - who knew that this would be my biggest issue? So, this round - it sucked, but the effects only lasted from Tuesday through Saturday afternoon, so not too bad.
I say that now - as I said, it's really a good thing that I can't blog during chemo. The response would be much worse. It's so easy during those times when you are sitting in bed, watching Maury Povich b/c that's the most entertaining and educational thing on TV, feeling crappy to think that this isn't worth it. Believe me - those thoughts have run through my head more than once. I have had thoughts about stopping the chemo all together. Why not - why feel this bad? Why go to a place biweekly that makes me so sick? Even when my kids are sitting there, it's easy to think these things.
Honestly, there are times when I don't think that I am going to have the strength to make it through this. I really don't. But then, I finally start to feel better, and I am able to see the bright side of this. Well, the not-so-dismal part of this, anyways. As I said before, this is definitely going to be the hardest thing I have gone through up until now, and I can't wait until November. I really can't. Because, to have this behind me might mean getting back to a semblance of normal. Right now, my normal consists of a week of chemo, and a week of recovery, trying to fit everything I want to do into that week of feeling okay. It's a struggle for me, and I am working on it. But, I am going to make it to November. And, beyond.
After all, my Mom saw Disneyland this week (she was in Anaheim for a conference, and went to World fo Disney). And, I still haven't. Um, does that seem right to any of you? I don't think so. See, bright side. Oh, Mickey and Buzz - here I come!
Comments:
Amanda: said...
COunting
down until November with you. Hang in there!
July
21, 2008 at 5:08 AM
Later:
So, I
thought I would post quickly (while I am waiting for Julia to finish her bath)
about how the family is handling all of this. I will say that Levi and I have
kind of adapted to this new normal - he is still learning what it means to take
on what I had been doing, especially b/c Mom and Dad aren't here this week to
help us out. But, he is adapting, and I think handling this as well as can be
expected. We both aren't willing to accept that this might end badly, so he
helps me remember to rest, to take my meds, and to listen to my body. One thing
he has been very good about it making sure that I follow drs orders, which is
good b/c I can be pretty stubborn when I set my mind to something.
Julia - she is doing okay. She has regressed a bit this summer (as some of you know, she was diagnosed with autism three years ago), and that has me worried. She has really retreated into her own little world, and I see her talking out her feeling with inanimate objects (her dolls, paper, a necklace, a balloon), so I know she is trying to work things out on her own. It's been hard on her with all the changes, but I think she is handling it as well as she knows how. The key will be to try to maintain some kind of normalcy as she returns back to school next month - first grade. Yikes. I have already had conversations with her school, and will do so with her teachers, regarding the cancer, the prognosis, the side effects, etc. It's going to be a tough road for us all, but I think she will make it out of this with flying colors.
Kevin doesn't of course understand what is going on, only that Nana and Papa have moved in, and that Mommy doesn't always feel good. That's hard, but we are doing what we can to try to make it as easy on the kids as possible.
Mom and Dad - my God, I look back and really wonder what we would have done without them, and how we would have made it through thus far. I don't think we would have. They have been amazing. To have them drop everything to come and take care of us - I don't think that there are words to describe it. Mom has adjusted to working from home - it's still tough some days, but I think she is adjusting well. Dad has, I think, had a harder road. He not only made the decision to retire early, but he left everything he has ever known to relocate to help us. That means he and Mom left family, friends, known establishments, etc. to come down to AZ. I think Dad will have a better time of it once they drive back down here and we get him back working. I know that will perk his spirits. He needs that as much as I need to get back to work - there is something normalizing and invigorating about being with people, and we both need that.
I would like to do more, but I have two kids on the bathtub, and I am pretty sure that Julia is going to be able to audition for the California Raisins in a few moments. Off I go to rescue her fingers and toes from the raisin oblivion!
Julia - she is doing okay. She has regressed a bit this summer (as some of you know, she was diagnosed with autism three years ago), and that has me worried. She has really retreated into her own little world, and I see her talking out her feeling with inanimate objects (her dolls, paper, a necklace, a balloon), so I know she is trying to work things out on her own. It's been hard on her with all the changes, but I think she is handling it as well as she knows how. The key will be to try to maintain some kind of normalcy as she returns back to school next month - first grade. Yikes. I have already had conversations with her school, and will do so with her teachers, regarding the cancer, the prognosis, the side effects, etc. It's going to be a tough road for us all, but I think she will make it out of this with flying colors.
Kevin doesn't of course understand what is going on, only that Nana and Papa have moved in, and that Mommy doesn't always feel good. That's hard, but we are doing what we can to try to make it as easy on the kids as possible.
Mom and Dad - my God, I look back and really wonder what we would have done without them, and how we would have made it through thus far. I don't think we would have. They have been amazing. To have them drop everything to come and take care of us - I don't think that there are words to describe it. Mom has adjusted to working from home - it's still tough some days, but I think she is adjusting well. Dad has, I think, had a harder road. He not only made the decision to retire early, but he left everything he has ever known to relocate to help us. That means he and Mom left family, friends, known establishments, etc. to come down to AZ. I think Dad will have a better time of it once they drive back down here and we get him back working. I know that will perk his spirits. He needs that as much as I need to get back to work - there is something normalizing and invigorating about being with people, and we both need that.
I would like to do more, but I have two kids on the bathtub, and I am pretty sure that Julia is going to be able to audition for the California Raisins in a few moments. Off I go to rescue her fingers and toes from the raisin oblivion!
Comments:
Nancy said...
ok
you....lol i was sure glad to see your blog...I was getting a bit worried about
you.I am glad you wrote about the family...they are so much a part of all
this...you are going through the bad stuff but the mental part of it the rest
are holding on to and that can be pretty hard.The more you let Julia be a part
of some of the stuff you are dealing with the closer she will get to
understanding what you are going through even at her age.When Ronnie died
little Taylor went into her own world...she started taking to dolls and to make
believe things but the more time pasted and we kept her up an things the more
she was able to cope with it.The same is true with what you are going
through..let her put a cold cloth on your head or neck or just sit with you and
hold your hand.It will help her to understand more than we think they can.my
prayers are for you all and i know it will work out good for you all.trust in
God and he will see you through sweetie.i love you so much.....later.
July
22, 2008 at 10:06 AM
linda said...
Hi
Michelle, met you on Patient Group Collerectal Cancer 08'. I'm the "cancer
sucks" gal! Were on the same track I see just finishing up with session 3,
and completing chemo in Nov.
Session 2 was difficult for me. Ck w/your dr. as they can give you much stronger anti-nasea meds which help much more. I had same symtoms as you.
Session 3 was better but starting to notice lingering (nuscence) symptoms. Going into week two so this week should be good.
Yes, family important and can help you ALOT. My mom is close and she is truely my saving grace!
Going to a "Relay for Life" this Friday. It honors those who have died f/cancer and the survivors. Never been to one b/4 so thought I would check it out.
Anyway, miss you on other site but still had your blog in my favorites! Hang in there kiddo! If you need anything drop a line ... alstv1@yahoo.com
linda
Session 2 was difficult for me. Ck w/your dr. as they can give you much stronger anti-nasea meds which help much more. I had same symtoms as you.
Session 3 was better but starting to notice lingering (nuscence) symptoms. Going into week two so this week should be good.
Yes, family important and can help you ALOT. My mom is close and she is truely my saving grace!
Going to a "Relay for Life" this Friday. It honors those who have died f/cancer and the survivors. Never been to one b/4 so thought I would check it out.
Anyway, miss you on other site but still had your blog in my favorites! Hang in there kiddo! If you need anything drop a line ... alstv1@yahoo.com
linda
July
22, 2008 at 7:58 PM
No comments:
Post a Comment