You know,
some days, when I am feeling "normal" and not
"cancer-iffic," I have trouble remembering that I have cancer. It's
like a feeling of, what? Me? I don't feel sick. I don't think that I look sick
- people keep telling me how good I look. (By the way, why is it that people
feel compelled to tell you this when you are sick, but not when you are well?)
I think that's one of the misconceptions about cancer. It isn't something you feel, generally. It isn't something where you wake up one morning, and say hey - I don't feel well. Must be cancer. It's not like when you wake up with a stuffy nose and a cough and a headache - must be a cold. Nope - you are going along on your life's path, and then boom - your path is suddenly a cavernous, wide expanse of this unknown journey, and you are forging your way through territory that you'd rather know nothing about. Not fun.
I like feeling normal. It makes me feel like I have something to help me remember why I feel so sick the other weeks. It gives me hope that someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, I will once again be Michelle, mom, wife, daughter, sister, employee, student, and all around fun-ype gal. I won't be Michelle, cancer patient.
I know that I will never go back to the life I had on May 22nd, before I was diagnosed. I understand that, or I think I have some idea of that. I know that I am still going to be, forever, a cancer survivor. I know that I will never be able to look at life from the cancer-free side of the fence, not in the same sense that others will be able to. I will always have this time to look back on, to reflect about the battle waged (and won), and to be able to wonder how in the world we made it through.
But still, it would be SO NICE to have the chance to once again, feel normal. Ahhhh......I can dream, right?!?!
I think that's one of the misconceptions about cancer. It isn't something you feel, generally. It isn't something where you wake up one morning, and say hey - I don't feel well. Must be cancer. It's not like when you wake up with a stuffy nose and a cough and a headache - must be a cold. Nope - you are going along on your life's path, and then boom - your path is suddenly a cavernous, wide expanse of this unknown journey, and you are forging your way through territory that you'd rather know nothing about. Not fun.
I like feeling normal. It makes me feel like I have something to help me remember why I feel so sick the other weeks. It gives me hope that someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, I will once again be Michelle, mom, wife, daughter, sister, employee, student, and all around fun-ype gal. I won't be Michelle, cancer patient.
I know that I will never go back to the life I had on May 22nd, before I was diagnosed. I understand that, or I think I have some idea of that. I know that I am still going to be, forever, a cancer survivor. I know that I will never be able to look at life from the cancer-free side of the fence, not in the same sense that others will be able to. I will always have this time to look back on, to reflect about the battle waged (and won), and to be able to wonder how in the world we made it through.
But still, it would be SO NICE to have the chance to once again, feel normal. Ahhhh......I can dream, right?!?!
Comments:
you
will always be my "fun-ype" girl... and one of my best friends! just
keep thinking of our girls trip to vegas, and you know that a disney
trip/cruise will have to be in there somewhere as well! keep up the fight,
girl... we love you!
jen & kevin
ps - how is the calligraphy coming along - did you open the package yet? I am expecting some pretty envelopes!
jen & kevin
ps - how is the calligraphy coming along - did you open the package yet? I am expecting some pretty envelopes!
July
24, 2008 at 8:24 PM
Wait
- you feel normal!?!!? How can that happen!!?!
Just kidding!
Thanks for the updates - I love reading them and check all the time.
What do you need? What can I do?? Julia starts 1st grade soon, right? A few weeks?
When do your parents come back?
Praying for you, all the time, and for your family - the kids, your parents, Levi.
You are amazing and truly an inspiration to me. I am SO proud of you for still maintaining a positive outlook and spirit when I think I would be screaming at the world. Seriously....
Call me if you need to talk...or, if you need anything. I don't like feeling like I can't do anything (you know that, right!?!).
Love you!
Stephenie
Just kidding!
Thanks for the updates - I love reading them and check all the time.
What do you need? What can I do?? Julia starts 1st grade soon, right? A few weeks?
When do your parents come back?
Praying for you, all the time, and for your family - the kids, your parents, Levi.
You are amazing and truly an inspiration to me. I am SO proud of you for still maintaining a positive outlook and spirit when I think I would be screaming at the world. Seriously....
Call me if you need to talk...or, if you need anything. I don't like feeling like I can't do anything (you know that, right!?!).
Love you!
Stephenie
July
24, 2008 at 8:43 PM
Oops
- I posted under the wrong name. You knew that was me, right!?
July
24, 2008 at 8:44 PM
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