Well,
it's here. When I made this decision, I figured, ahhhh, I have time to come to
terms with it. And, here it is. Have I come to terms with it? Who
knows.....perhaps the dream that I woke up with this morning tells the story. I
dreamed that I woke up and was in the tattoo shop (as in, I fell asleep during
the tattoo - I don't think that's going to happen!). The tattoo he had done? A
fairy down my side. I mean, along the ribs on my chest, and 18 inches tall.
Hmmmm....
No - that's not what I'm going to do.
Am I nervous? A little. But, I have to keep it in perspective. This is something I want to do. The other stuff? I had to do it. This is kind of an acceptance for me that I am through with the chemo. That I have truly kicked cancer's ass. (Admittedly, I am going to make sure that the artist leaves enough space so that if they do have to put another port in, they don't have to ruin the tattoo...).
I have a feeling that this will be emotional for me. I wish Levi was here to do this with me, but I really want to have it done before I go back to NY for the wedding. I think it's going to be a gorgeous tribute to what I have been through and what I have accomplished, and I can't imagine a better way to celebrate my birthday.
Pictures to follow - I promise. If you haven't friend-ed me on facebook, I'll be updating my status with pictures on there. Friend me, and you can see the progress.
This is going to be AWESOME!!!
No - that's not what I'm going to do.
Am I nervous? A little. But, I have to keep it in perspective. This is something I want to do. The other stuff? I had to do it. This is kind of an acceptance for me that I am through with the chemo. That I have truly kicked cancer's ass. (Admittedly, I am going to make sure that the artist leaves enough space so that if they do have to put another port in, they don't have to ruin the tattoo...).
I have a feeling that this will be emotional for me. I wish Levi was here to do this with me, but I really want to have it done before I go back to NY for the wedding. I think it's going to be a gorgeous tribute to what I have been through and what I have accomplished, and I can't imagine a better way to celebrate my birthday.
Pictures to follow - I promise. If you haven't friend-ed me on facebook, I'll be updating my status with pictures on there. Friend me, and you can see the progress.
This is going to be AWESOME!!!
Comments:
Daria said...
Don't
mean to scare you but there was a article on TV where a girl supposedly wanted
2 stars on her face but woke up with 50 ... don't fall asleep :)
June
20, 2009 at 7:26 AM
I'm
excited! I can't wait to see it!!
June
20, 2009 at 8:34 AM
Cannot
wait for a peek!! Will be stalking Facebook, LOL!!
June
20, 2009 at 2:59 PM
Later:
Here are
some pictures. The kids and I have to eat, but I didn't want to leave you all
hanging.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Not at all. More details in a
bit.
Before....
After.
You can
see the J and K here in more detail. The J is to the left, and the K is
directly to the right of the J. Very cool....
Stupid cancer. dot com.
Comments:
Carol
Urban said...
Wow,
love your haircut and you look absolutely amazing in the pictures! I mean it!
Levi will love the tattoo. I'm still arguing with Phil about getting one. He says no, I say yes. I'm wanting one much smaller, however, I do admire the one you created. Beautiful.
This evening was our Relay for Life ceremony. I cried as we walked around the track doing our survivor walk. Thinking back on last year and wondering if I would live to see this year. Very, very thankful and what a good year it's been.
Levi will love the tattoo. I'm still arguing with Phil about getting one. He says no, I say yes. I'm wanting one much smaller, however, I do admire the one you created. Beautiful.
This evening was our Relay for Life ceremony. I cried as we walked around the track doing our survivor walk. Thinking back on last year and wondering if I would live to see this year. Very, very thankful and what a good year it's been.
June
20, 2009 at 7:45 PM
jnwhiteh said...
Positively
gorgeous. You deserve it.
June
21, 2009 at 2:22 AM
Later:
Okay -
so, here's the scoop. My friend Seana and I headed out to the tattoo place
around 12:20 with the kids in tow. My other friend Shelia and her
daughter-in-law and two grandbabies met us in the parking lot to pick up the
kids. (This was okay by Julia, because she was terrified I was going to make
her go into the tattoo shop with me.)
We walked into the tattoo parlor and my heart started to go KA-THUMP. I was so worried, and I considered chickening out. Then, I rough-talked myself into it - you've beaten cancer, you went through chemo and surgery - you can do this. I handed Mike my ideas, and we immediately settled on the one that I thought was the best option. I had decided that I wanted to have the tattoo frame my scar and really make it stand out. This way, it shows how damn proud I am to bear this stripe, and I want people to ask me about it. Mike knew that I wanted to have the kids initials stand out, and he worked that in too.
Once it was all said and done and he had it drawn up, I headed back to the tattoo-ing area. It looks like a demented dentists office, quite frankly. The dentist-like chair was leather, black, soft, and comfy. He gave me two pillows - one for my feet, and the other one to place where I wanted it to squeeze, etc. Before I sat down, he used some oils and water to transfer the image from the paper to my skin, like a stencil. So, I was able to see the image on my skin beforehand.
At this point, I could literally feel the heartbeat in my stomach. I was terrified.
I sat down in the chair and started wondering how long it would take before I jumped up out of it. I didn't need to. Mike knew it was my first time, and he graciously helped ease me into this experience. He took the needle and, sans ink, demonstrated on my chest how it would feel. And, I was completely shocked. It didn't hurt. It felt like a scratch. And, so, off we went.
I will say that, as time wore on and he started going over and over certain areas (like, outlined them, then had to go back through and fill them in) my skin started to get more and more tender. But, that's about it. Imagine your skin being sunburned a little bit, then scratching your skin. You know that feeling? The tattoo's easier. :-)
I sat in the chair for about 45 minutes. It honestly wasn't too bad, painwise, until he got to the area near my scar. That was tender. Other than that, I had competely blown this entire experience out of proportion, and I am so glad that it didn't live up to my pain-threshold expectations.
And, how do I feel about the tattoo? I absolutely love it. It's gorgeous. I am so proud of myself. I think it looks beautiful, and it's a testament to the courage that I have, even when I don't think I have any left.
To me, this is a reminder of what I went through, and that things can and do happen to show you that good things can come from horrible events. I have had the most beautiful experiences because of my cancer, and this shows it. I would never have done this without the cancer pushing me into it - I would have hemmed and hawed and spoke a good game. Truth is, that's all I would have done is talk about it.
Now - well, now I'm a different person. I am the kind of person willing to take a chance, to try something new, and to do what I want to do because I can.
I said it on facebook and I'll say it here - now, I'm the tattoo-ed cancer ass-kicker.
Awesome.
We walked into the tattoo parlor and my heart started to go KA-THUMP. I was so worried, and I considered chickening out. Then, I rough-talked myself into it - you've beaten cancer, you went through chemo and surgery - you can do this. I handed Mike my ideas, and we immediately settled on the one that I thought was the best option. I had decided that I wanted to have the tattoo frame my scar and really make it stand out. This way, it shows how damn proud I am to bear this stripe, and I want people to ask me about it. Mike knew that I wanted to have the kids initials stand out, and he worked that in too.
Once it was all said and done and he had it drawn up, I headed back to the tattoo-ing area. It looks like a demented dentists office, quite frankly. The dentist-like chair was leather, black, soft, and comfy. He gave me two pillows - one for my feet, and the other one to place where I wanted it to squeeze, etc. Before I sat down, he used some oils and water to transfer the image from the paper to my skin, like a stencil. So, I was able to see the image on my skin beforehand.
At this point, I could literally feel the heartbeat in my stomach. I was terrified.
I sat down in the chair and started wondering how long it would take before I jumped up out of it. I didn't need to. Mike knew it was my first time, and he graciously helped ease me into this experience. He took the needle and, sans ink, demonstrated on my chest how it would feel. And, I was completely shocked. It didn't hurt. It felt like a scratch. And, so, off we went.
I will say that, as time wore on and he started going over and over certain areas (like, outlined them, then had to go back through and fill them in) my skin started to get more and more tender. But, that's about it. Imagine your skin being sunburned a little bit, then scratching your skin. You know that feeling? The tattoo's easier. :-)
I sat in the chair for about 45 minutes. It honestly wasn't too bad, painwise, until he got to the area near my scar. That was tender. Other than that, I had competely blown this entire experience out of proportion, and I am so glad that it didn't live up to my pain-threshold expectations.
And, how do I feel about the tattoo? I absolutely love it. It's gorgeous. I am so proud of myself. I think it looks beautiful, and it's a testament to the courage that I have, even when I don't think I have any left.
To me, this is a reminder of what I went through, and that things can and do happen to show you that good things can come from horrible events. I have had the most beautiful experiences because of my cancer, and this shows it. I would never have done this without the cancer pushing me into it - I would have hemmed and hawed and spoke a good game. Truth is, that's all I would have done is talk about it.
Now - well, now I'm a different person. I am the kind of person willing to take a chance, to try something new, and to do what I want to do because I can.
I said it on facebook and I'll say it here - now, I'm the tattoo-ed cancer ass-kicker.
Awesome.
Comments:
You
ROCK--and the design is beautiful. Keep kicking ass!
June
20, 2009 at 10:57 PM
post
a picture! I think its a great idea to frame the scar with a tattop.
June
21, 2009 at 4:41 AM
Hi
Caroline,
I posted pictures here (next posting down from this one) and on facebook. Hope you can see them. I love the way it turned out.
I posted pictures here (next posting down from this one) and on facebook. Hope you can see them. I love the way it turned out.
June
21, 2009 at 6:28 AM
I'm
excited because you are so excited. All the best to you.
June
21, 2009 at 7:55 AM
It
looks great!!!
You are amazing :)
You are amazing :)
June
21, 2009 at 8:04 AM
No comments:
Post a Comment