So,
today's not a good day. I have been having technical difficulties with
technology (my computer was messed up and I had to call the Help Desk, twice,
not to mention the third call to handle a problem I called about yesterday). My
cell's Bluetooth headset died. I have been fielding calls from the company that
financed my car because I am a month and a half behind on that payment. I made
a half-payment, but I am still behind. I finally answered the phone call from
my mortgage company today, and was read the riot act. Basically, if I don't
make my house payment by the end of the month, and if I don't make the payment
next month, they start foreclosure proceedings.
Fuck. (Sorry - that's the only appropriate word here.)
I have outstanding medical bills that are still being paid on. I am going to incur more bills over the coming 4 weeks because of the tests and doctor's visits, and it makes me want to skip them altogether to avoid piling more debt on the already overwhelming mountain.
I ran the numbers - between Levi's cut in pay and my recent cut in pay/hours, we are bringing in less than we have bills for, by about $500/month. I tried to figure out what we can cut - there isn't much. Internet shut off completely. Cable (we only have basic). We can cut our cell phone down to the minimum. We already cut our home phone. Those cuts? Save us about $100. Certainly not enough to get us through.
There isn't much else to cut. I could keep the kids home from daycare - but, um, hmmmm....while that would put us in the black, that isn't an option.
So, what do you do in a time like this? Panic. Freak out. Get depressed. Curse fate. Wonder what in the hell you did to deserve this. And, start thinking.
Isn't it enough that we had the onus of cancer put on us? As if somehow we needed to field more shit, we now have this on top of everything else. I don't know what else to do. I am ready to give up. I can't possibly begin to imagine what we can do to get ourselves out of the mess we are in. We can't even, at this point, afford to get an apartment. Why? Because I can't afford the down payment. So, where does that leave us? Homeless. With a 3 and a 7 year old. In Phoenix. In the summer.
Again, I say it, loud and clear. Fuck.
I have times when I know that what I am going through will make me stronger. Right now, I feel like I keep getting stronger and stronger, and the only thing that does is make the pile of shit get bigger and bigger. What next - let's throw on a recurrence, perhaps some mets, to make this REALLY worth it. Perhaps the next step is a terminal illness. What else could this possibly be preparing me for?
I really am at such a loss. I just don't know what to do, and I am so angry and depressed over it. I just don't have the answers. Up until now, I have been able to confidently say, it's going to work out. This time, I'm not so sure.
I am on the verge of tears, and the only thing holding me together is the fact that my kids are here and I don't want them to see what I am going through. Julia senses it - she's been taking care of Kevin all night.
So, what do I do? I have a meeting with a credit counselor on Thursday. I don't have much hope. They are going to see what I see, and basically tell me to start packing. So, on top of everything else, we will have this on our you-suck-in-life resume. I just wonder why us - why, when we have tried to play by the rules and do things right, why we have to go through this. Isn't there some sort of limit in life on the shit that you are allowed to have to go through. I think we exceeded this a while ago. Someone call fate's boss - fate is FIRED.
Why is it that some people live their lives eeking out a fairly good living dealing drugs or selling their bodies or killing people for profit, and there are people like us trying to live within the boundaries that can't live the American dream.
Is there a corner I can go to? Cuz I tell you what, right now, I will do just about anything to keep this house. It's ours, damnit. I DON'T want to leave.
And, the kicker is, I don't know that I am going to be able to stay here. I just don't see a light at the end of this tunnel.
It scares the shit out of me.
(help)
I wonder how comfortable my car is to sleep in...
Fuck. (Sorry - that's the only appropriate word here.)
I have outstanding medical bills that are still being paid on. I am going to incur more bills over the coming 4 weeks because of the tests and doctor's visits, and it makes me want to skip them altogether to avoid piling more debt on the already overwhelming mountain.
I ran the numbers - between Levi's cut in pay and my recent cut in pay/hours, we are bringing in less than we have bills for, by about $500/month. I tried to figure out what we can cut - there isn't much. Internet shut off completely. Cable (we only have basic). We can cut our cell phone down to the minimum. We already cut our home phone. Those cuts? Save us about $100. Certainly not enough to get us through.
There isn't much else to cut. I could keep the kids home from daycare - but, um, hmmmm....while that would put us in the black, that isn't an option.
So, what do you do in a time like this? Panic. Freak out. Get depressed. Curse fate. Wonder what in the hell you did to deserve this. And, start thinking.
Isn't it enough that we had the onus of cancer put on us? As if somehow we needed to field more shit, we now have this on top of everything else. I don't know what else to do. I am ready to give up. I can't possibly begin to imagine what we can do to get ourselves out of the mess we are in. We can't even, at this point, afford to get an apartment. Why? Because I can't afford the down payment. So, where does that leave us? Homeless. With a 3 and a 7 year old. In Phoenix. In the summer.
Again, I say it, loud and clear. Fuck.
I have times when I know that what I am going through will make me stronger. Right now, I feel like I keep getting stronger and stronger, and the only thing that does is make the pile of shit get bigger and bigger. What next - let's throw on a recurrence, perhaps some mets, to make this REALLY worth it. Perhaps the next step is a terminal illness. What else could this possibly be preparing me for?
I really am at such a loss. I just don't know what to do, and I am so angry and depressed over it. I just don't have the answers. Up until now, I have been able to confidently say, it's going to work out. This time, I'm not so sure.
I am on the verge of tears, and the only thing holding me together is the fact that my kids are here and I don't want them to see what I am going through. Julia senses it - she's been taking care of Kevin all night.
So, what do I do? I have a meeting with a credit counselor on Thursday. I don't have much hope. They are going to see what I see, and basically tell me to start packing. So, on top of everything else, we will have this on our you-suck-in-life resume. I just wonder why us - why, when we have tried to play by the rules and do things right, why we have to go through this. Isn't there some sort of limit in life on the shit that you are allowed to have to go through. I think we exceeded this a while ago. Someone call fate's boss - fate is FIRED.
Why is it that some people live their lives eeking out a fairly good living dealing drugs or selling their bodies or killing people for profit, and there are people like us trying to live within the boundaries that can't live the American dream.
Is there a corner I can go to? Cuz I tell you what, right now, I will do just about anything to keep this house. It's ours, damnit. I DON'T want to leave.
And, the kicker is, I don't know that I am going to be able to stay here. I just don't see a light at the end of this tunnel.
It scares the shit out of me.
(help)
I wonder how comfortable my car is to sleep in...
Comments:
Tina said...
I
am so sorry you have to go thru this on top of everything else.
I keep hearing and reading that if you contact the mortgage company, they will work something out with you, because they don't want to get the house back. They'll lose more money if it goes into foreclosure. Matter of fact, I think they HAVE to work something out with you--wasn't that part of the stimulus crap?
Same with any other creditors you contact. As long as you can make some sort of payment, they should be willing to work with you.
Good luck! I hoping for the best for you and your family!!
I keep hearing and reading that if you contact the mortgage company, they will work something out with you, because they don't want to get the house back. They'll lose more money if it goes into foreclosure. Matter of fact, I think they HAVE to work something out with you--wasn't that part of the stimulus crap?
Same with any other creditors you contact. As long as you can make some sort of payment, they should be willing to work with you.
Good luck! I hoping for the best for you and your family!!
June
23, 2009 at 7:14 PM
just
know we love you and we will do anything we can to support you in whatever you
are facing...
i know it is not easy, but lots of people love you and we are there.
vent away, but know things will be okay and work out.
how appropraite my leave a comment verication word is "fuming" ...
i know it is not easy, but lots of people love you and we are there.
vent away, but know things will be okay and work out.
how appropraite my leave a comment verication word is "fuming" ...
June
24, 2009 at 2:02 PM
I
think the next time someone asks, "What can I do to help you?" Tell
them you need help paying bills because of the medical expenses.
Is it possible that you can get a speaking fee for those occasions that you are asked to speak on behalf of cancer patients? Just a thought.
My other suggestion is always to contact your state representative and your congressman to see if there are any available funds to help.
You're right. This sucks and I'm sorry you are dealing with it.
Is it possible that you can get a speaking fee for those occasions that you are asked to speak on behalf of cancer patients? Just a thought.
My other suggestion is always to contact your state representative and your congressman to see if there are any available funds to help.
You're right. This sucks and I'm sorry you are dealing with it.
June
24, 2009 at 5:01 PM
Thinking
of you. I've not been online much, but just wanted to let you know you're on my
mind. I was amazed at how quickly our finances took a turn for the worse when
Joshua was sick. It took us literally YEARS to dig ourselves out of it, and we
didn't have medical bills because our insurance covered everything... Hang in
there!!
June
29, 2009 at 9:22 AM
No comments:
Post a Comment