The kids
and I had a great weekend celebrating Kevin's birthday. Well, except for the
bitchy part on Saturday. It seems that, since chemo, my hormones (apologies to
the people that don't want to read about female issues - please skip to the
next paragraph if this is you) have been just playing havoc on me. My periods
are, for the first time in my life (literally) fairly consistent, and then PMS
- well, I scare Satan. Not good when I am single-parenting it, but I apologize
and we have ice cream and all is well. It's been buts, though. I have my annual
exam with THAT doctor next month, and I am hoping to ask him about this. No
pills, thank you very much, but are there, perhaps, supplements that might help
to quell the demons?
Kevin's birthday was Saturday, and after my bitch-fest, we had a blast. I filled the pool, Julia played all afternoon (Kevin was napping), then I think we had dinner (Saturday is so long ago) and then I KNOW we had ice cream. The kids had so much fun - we got vanilla ice cream, chocolate and caramel sauce - the kind that hardens on the ice cream, nuts, whipped cream, and cherries. Big fun. Levi was joking about the kids being crazy - at the 45 minute mark post-sugar, I figured I was in the clear. Hung up with Levi, and my children turned into Hammy the squirrel from the movie "Over The Hedge." LOL! After an hour of that, I made them go to bed and bounce off the walls in their rooms for a while. :-)
Sunday, we hung out, cleaned, then went to Kim's for her son Dylan's birthday party. Wow - she has an amazing house, wonderful friends, and a HUGE yard. They had rented a water-slide-bouncy-house thing, and the kids were in heaven. It was wonderful to meet her family and friends, though being introduced to them as her "colon cancer survivor friend" was a little disconcerting. It made me proud, though, and gave me yet another reason to look at what I went through as a blessing - I am helping her and her family go through something life-altering. Maybe I can help, just a little bit.
I got some pretty sad news this weekend. Betty Rose DeCarlo, a friend of mine through TWC, is not doing well and was moved to a hospice facility near me yesterday. She is a stage 4 colon cancer survivor, and unfortunately, her tumor recurred and between that and a burst colon, her body can't keep up. Basically, they are making her comfortable until the end. It's so hard - I haven't been able to visit her in the hospital. I feel awful about this - Betty was a lifeline for me while I was in the midst of chemo - she was always so upbeat and funny and positive. And yet, this happens to her. It's a hard reality to have to face, so close to my remission, my anniversary, and my upcoming tests. I just don't have it in me to go see her like this. I need to remember her as I see her in my head. I don't think I have the strength to go to hospice. I know that's a disservice to her, but I just can't do it. Not yet. I will honor her, remember her, cherish my time with her, and make her proud. That I know for sure. I have to - that's why I made it.
As my mom said, this is something I have chosen to immerse myself in. During a conversation, I commented to my mom that it's going to be hard when I can start to count the people I have lost to cancer. She rightfully commented that no, it's going to be hard when I lose count. So true - unfortunately, it looks like Betty is going to be the first since my own diagnosis. Well, that's not true (I have lost other people, too), but it's the first since I took this on as a personal battle. I don't want to go back and look at who I've lost. I can't. I have to keep looking forward and knowing that I am helping.
I have spent some time over the last couple of days worrying. What if...... I have questioned my own body, my own aches and pains, my own coughing, and panicked about what the root cause is. Could it be? Is it? I was making myself crazy - then, I did what I do best - I made a list. I wrote down concerns, started question lists for all my docs (oncology, surgeon, OB, dentist) and know that as long as I remember to take them with me (I have been having a HELL of a chemo-brian week), I will be okay. I can ask the questions, have them answer my concerns, and move on. Hopefully.
On a happier note, I have joined Imerman Angels, which is an organization that pairs up cancer fighters (patients) with angels (survivors), to ensure that the fighters have someone to talk with. Their long-term goal is to provide every cancer patient with an angel within 24 hours of diagnosis. I look forward to helping them in their goal.
Let's see - what else? I am working with i2y to get that set up here in Arizona, and I have an upcoming CCA meeting. OH! I got in touch with the people that I met at the Memorial Day parade this week, and I am going to talk with them more about their West Valley Cancer Connection group later this week. They have a connection to TWC that I don't get yet, but I have plans to discuss that this weekend.
This weekend - wow. On TWC news, I am going to try to attach a very large file to this post - it's the cover to the bi-monthly calendar that TWC mails out to their (gulp) 16,000+ participants, plus doctors offices, etc. And, who's featured - that would be my babies and me. Woo! So proud. And, we will have more pictures from a special event that's taking place this weekend at TWC that we have been asked to participate in. Very cool - unbelievable.
Kevin's birthday was Saturday, and after my bitch-fest, we had a blast. I filled the pool, Julia played all afternoon (Kevin was napping), then I think we had dinner (Saturday is so long ago) and then I KNOW we had ice cream. The kids had so much fun - we got vanilla ice cream, chocolate and caramel sauce - the kind that hardens on the ice cream, nuts, whipped cream, and cherries. Big fun. Levi was joking about the kids being crazy - at the 45 minute mark post-sugar, I figured I was in the clear. Hung up with Levi, and my children turned into Hammy the squirrel from the movie "Over The Hedge." LOL! After an hour of that, I made them go to bed and bounce off the walls in their rooms for a while. :-)
Sunday, we hung out, cleaned, then went to Kim's for her son Dylan's birthday party. Wow - she has an amazing house, wonderful friends, and a HUGE yard. They had rented a water-slide-bouncy-house thing, and the kids were in heaven. It was wonderful to meet her family and friends, though being introduced to them as her "colon cancer survivor friend" was a little disconcerting. It made me proud, though, and gave me yet another reason to look at what I went through as a blessing - I am helping her and her family go through something life-altering. Maybe I can help, just a little bit.
I got some pretty sad news this weekend. Betty Rose DeCarlo, a friend of mine through TWC, is not doing well and was moved to a hospice facility near me yesterday. She is a stage 4 colon cancer survivor, and unfortunately, her tumor recurred and between that and a burst colon, her body can't keep up. Basically, they are making her comfortable until the end. It's so hard - I haven't been able to visit her in the hospital. I feel awful about this - Betty was a lifeline for me while I was in the midst of chemo - she was always so upbeat and funny and positive. And yet, this happens to her. It's a hard reality to have to face, so close to my remission, my anniversary, and my upcoming tests. I just don't have it in me to go see her like this. I need to remember her as I see her in my head. I don't think I have the strength to go to hospice. I know that's a disservice to her, but I just can't do it. Not yet. I will honor her, remember her, cherish my time with her, and make her proud. That I know for sure. I have to - that's why I made it.
As my mom said, this is something I have chosen to immerse myself in. During a conversation, I commented to my mom that it's going to be hard when I can start to count the people I have lost to cancer. She rightfully commented that no, it's going to be hard when I lose count. So true - unfortunately, it looks like Betty is going to be the first since my own diagnosis. Well, that's not true (I have lost other people, too), but it's the first since I took this on as a personal battle. I don't want to go back and look at who I've lost. I can't. I have to keep looking forward and knowing that I am helping.
I have spent some time over the last couple of days worrying. What if...... I have questioned my own body, my own aches and pains, my own coughing, and panicked about what the root cause is. Could it be? Is it? I was making myself crazy - then, I did what I do best - I made a list. I wrote down concerns, started question lists for all my docs (oncology, surgeon, OB, dentist) and know that as long as I remember to take them with me (I have been having a HELL of a chemo-brian week), I will be okay. I can ask the questions, have them answer my concerns, and move on. Hopefully.
On a happier note, I have joined Imerman Angels, which is an organization that pairs up cancer fighters (patients) with angels (survivors), to ensure that the fighters have someone to talk with. Their long-term goal is to provide every cancer patient with an angel within 24 hours of diagnosis. I look forward to helping them in their goal.
Let's see - what else? I am working with i2y to get that set up here in Arizona, and I have an upcoming CCA meeting. OH! I got in touch with the people that I met at the Memorial Day parade this week, and I am going to talk with them more about their West Valley Cancer Connection group later this week. They have a connection to TWC that I don't get yet, but I have plans to discuss that this weekend.
This weekend - wow. On TWC news, I am going to try to attach a very large file to this post - it's the cover to the bi-monthly calendar that TWC mails out to their (gulp) 16,000+ participants, plus doctors offices, etc. And, who's featured - that would be my babies and me. Woo! So proud. And, we will have more pictures from a special event that's taking place this weekend at TWC that we have been asked to participate in. Very cool - unbelievable.
If you
want to see the entire calendar, comment and leave me your email, and I will
get you the entire pdf. It's awesome!!!
All right, I am feeling better. I am struggling a little this week, between having the kids full-time (well, sort of), being alone with the houses, bills that are piling up and no money to pay them, and just the overall sense that I should be doing MORE, I was feeling pretty down this afternoon. I snapped at Kevin while Levi was on the phone, and he got worried. I knew I needed to do something. Is it hormonal - who knows.....so, I worked out, and then I came in here to sit and get things off my mind. Hopefully, this helps. I know it's going to be a long weekend - we have a friend coming into town toting his (count 'em) 2 kids, his cousin, her 3 kids, a truck and trailer, and a partridge in a pear tree. (Just kidding about the last part - I hope!) It's going to be CRAZY bisy - Friday night, groceries and hopefully cleaning the house. Saturday - off to TWC by 9am, back by 2pm. Crew gets here in the afternoon. Sunday - recovery. Next week - chaos at work as people come back off of travel. Next weekend - CCA meeting at our place.
When is my vacati......wait. I don't get one of those, do I? I mean, Syracuse yes, but it's going to be crazy. Hmmmmm......maybe I should look at my tattoo trip as my vacation......let the countdown (and fear factor) begin - 18 days.
Sad. Very sad.
All right, I am feeling better. I am struggling a little this week, between having the kids full-time (well, sort of), being alone with the houses, bills that are piling up and no money to pay them, and just the overall sense that I should be doing MORE, I was feeling pretty down this afternoon. I snapped at Kevin while Levi was on the phone, and he got worried. I knew I needed to do something. Is it hormonal - who knows.....so, I worked out, and then I came in here to sit and get things off my mind. Hopefully, this helps. I know it's going to be a long weekend - we have a friend coming into town toting his (count 'em) 2 kids, his cousin, her 3 kids, a truck and trailer, and a partridge in a pear tree. (Just kidding about the last part - I hope!) It's going to be CRAZY bisy - Friday night, groceries and hopefully cleaning the house. Saturday - off to TWC by 9am, back by 2pm. Crew gets here in the afternoon. Sunday - recovery. Next week - chaos at work as people come back off of travel. Next weekend - CCA meeting at our place.
When is my vacati......wait. I don't get one of those, do I? I mean, Syracuse yes, but it's going to be crazy. Hmmmmm......maybe I should look at my tattoo trip as my vacation......let the countdown (and fear factor) begin - 18 days.
Sad. Very sad.
Comments:
Carol
Urban said...
This
past September, a month after I got out of the hospital, a very dear, elderly
friend of mine had her cancer reoccur.
She didn't want to burden me with the news while I was going through chemo and dealing with cancer myself. She was such an inspiration to me. Always sending cards, emails and phone calls to boost my spirits.
I went to visit her in the hospital and while it was devastating to see her like that I was able to comfort her and tell her how much she had meant to me during my cancer treatment and what a love and joy she had been to me.
I kissed her forehead and hugged her, then we said goodbye. Two days later she passed. I would have had severe regrets had I not gone to see her. I have good thoughts about doing this. It eased me through her passing.
She didn't want to burden me with the news while I was going through chemo and dealing with cancer myself. She was such an inspiration to me. Always sending cards, emails and phone calls to boost my spirits.
I went to visit her in the hospital and while it was devastating to see her like that I was able to comfort her and tell her how much she had meant to me during my cancer treatment and what a love and joy she had been to me.
I kissed her forehead and hugged her, then we said goodbye. Two days later she passed. I would have had severe regrets had I not gone to see her. I have good thoughts about doing this. It eased me through her passing.
June
3, 2009 at 5:59 AM
I
can understand how you feel sweetie....when they brought my brother in law from
Fort Worth out here knowing it was stage 4 lung cancer i fought hard with my
self to go and see him.Well....that gave my the strength to be there for him to
the end and it was very rewarding to see that in his eyes he felt safe and knew
that he would be taken care of.If asked to do it over again I would..with no
second thoughts.I was the hardest thing i have put myself through but the most
rewarding to both of us.You are so strong you will make the right decision for
both of you.Please if you need to yell or just talk you can use me any time
baby.I am just a phone call away.I love you so.
June
3, 2009 at 2:58 PM
Hi
Michelle! You are one busy lady! I would hate to have Rich gone; I admire you
for being so strong. I hope you 2 can be together soon, this is not a good time
(is there ever a good time?) for you to be a single parent!
I am honestly dreading the time someone I know dies from cancer. Its just too close, I don't want to think about it. I am avoiding thinking about the "what-ifs" in my own future as much as possible. I completely understand how you feel, and you need to do what's best for you--you already do SO MUCH for everyone else. Please put yourself and your family first--you deserve it!!
Take care!!
Tina
I am honestly dreading the time someone I know dies from cancer. Its just too close, I don't want to think about it. I am avoiding thinking about the "what-ifs" in my own future as much as possible. I completely understand how you feel, and you need to do what's best for you--you already do SO MUCH for everyone else. Please put yourself and your family first--you deserve it!!
Take care!!
Tina
June
4, 2009 at 9:59 AM
HI
Again! Will you send me the pdf of your wellness newsletter--looks interesting!
And its so cool that you have your pic on there!!
nuttyoaks@gmail.com
Thanks!
Tina
nuttyoaks@gmail.com
Thanks!
Tina
June
6, 2009 at 9:02 AM
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