APRIL 30, 2009

My current music playlist - LOL!!!

I had to laugh as I put together the music I wanted to listen to today. Here's the list of albums, and yes, they are in the order I am listening to them in. 

• New Kids on the Block - The Block
• Disturbed - Ten Thousand Fists
• Love Songs of Andrew Lloyd Weber
• Rodney Atkins - If You're Going Through Hell
• Jason's Disney CD - This is a cd compilation of songs from the Disney Parks that my wonderful friend Jason put together for me, and it ALWAYS puts a smile on my face. (A CPer, by the way, if you don't know, is a College Programmer from Disney World - this is an internship program that we did together, with the rest of our CPer friends/family.)

Somehow, eclectic doesn't quite capture the essence of this list.

Comments:

Jennifer Witham Buck / Graceful Expressions said...

love the jason CD
I have all of my disney cds loaded on my computer at work... now I have to put them on my new mp3 that i got for my birthday... I might have to go and get NKOTB just for you! Love ya!

April 30, 2009 at 2:42 PM

APRIL 29, 2009

The Women's Expo Weekend

I spent the majority of the weekend working at the CCA-Central AZ table at the Women's Expo. It was, in a word, AWESOME! Tiring, but totally worth it. I don't have all the time I would like to tell you the story in detail, but suffice it to say that it was one of the most rewarding things I have done in a REALLY long time. I worked all day on Saturday, and a good portion of Sunday. Thanks to all that worked with me and put up with me shoving our materials into people's faces. I was very loud, very irritating, and made people see and listen to me. Hey - it's a gift!

OH! I also represented i[2]y, or I'm Too Young For This (their website is stupidcancer.com). Jackie and I worked to get the word out about this amazing group. She and I are working to try to establish a local chapter, and hope that many of you are interested. This is a group that supports young adult (18-40 yrs old) cancer patients through support systems, social events, and some fairly new-fangled technologies, like this thing called the internet, blogging, twitter, and an on-line weekly radio show. It's a fantastic group, and I couldn't be prouder to be part of both of these organizations. 

Here are some pictures of the weekend. Aunt Nancy - yes, your quilt was on display and a HUGE hit again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart - you inspired so many people this weekend. And, you made a LOT of people smile. Isn't this a great life?

Aunt Nancy's quilt. We were on a corner, and this was prominently displayed so that people walking down the aisle saw it. It definitely garnered a lot of attention. And, no, the calendar attached to it isn't some sort of skin calendar. On the contrary - these are "Colonders" that are put out by The Colon Club every year, and they feature (I think this is right) colon cancer survivors that were all diagnosed under the age of 40 (it's the age I'm not too sure on). Either way, it's a compelling way to make a statement, and to show people these scars that we wear proudly. At least, I wear mine with pride. I earned these, damnit, and if you don't like this reminder of what this disease can do to your body, then look away. I'm displaying mine loud, proud, and in color. It's like a badge of honor to me. 

All of our materials on display. Very fancy, huh? 

Our entire display. 

Jackie and me, just hanging out. I am waiting for picture of me with the other people that worked the table. As soon as I have them, I will post them. However, I do need to get one of the "Stupid Cancer" tee shirts. Hmmm.....

Right next door to our booth was The Wellness Community. AWESOME! I didn't really take too close of a look until someone mentioned to me that my picture was at their booth. Say what? So, here's their booth.

Look closely at the floor poster on the right hand side. Second picture down.

Oh yes. That's me and my babies. Center stage, as always. :-) Aren't they gorgeous. This is the picture that The Wellness Community used in their Endowment Campaign and the Voices of Hope book that they asked us to take part in. Absolutely amazing that we might have an impact on someone. Just incredible.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I live a great life. 

Comments:

Carol Urban said...

Wow! This is incredible! I am SO amazed by what you've accomplished. Just wonderful!

April 30, 2009 at 6:32 AM

 Tina said...

I'm so proud of you! You go girl! Thanks you representing us. It is a gift--one I don't have to be out there and be so bold! I was reading the "2009 Colondar" stories recently and the age is survivors under 50. Amazing stories on there--so inspirational.
Keep up the good work!
Tina

April 30, 2009 at 7:43 AM

 Amanda: said...

Awesome! What an advocate you're becoming - it's fun to see! Way to take something crappy and turn it into something great :)

April 30, 2009 at 7:52 AM

 Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

Keep up the good work, keep fighting the good fight. I have added you to my Cancer Blogs Links Page. Take care, Dennis beingcancer.net

April 30, 2009 at 9:08 AM

 Nancy said...

you are such a strong young women and Know how proud I am of all this work you are doing.Some people never stop asking the question...why me ...now what am I to do?Well sweetie you know what to do and are going full force at it.The lives you touch ...you are a hero and I am so glad to be able to tell people your story.God wants you for a special job and you are doing it ...with his Blessing.I love you sweeie and so look forward to hearing all the stories and the weekend news.love and later

April 30, 2009 at 2:14 PM

APRIL 23, 2009

Blessed - 17 & 3

Holy cow.....I posted my status yesterday evening on Facebook, something along the lines of my blood work being normal and all being well. Plus, I posted the blog notice here.

By this morning, I had 17 comments to my Facebook post, and 3 comments on my blog here. I am SO BLESSED! It's amazing to me that I have that many people watching me, keeping an eye on me, and making sure that all is well in Michelle's body.

I was sitting here, reading the comments to my Facebook status, and seeing the emails from my blog, and got totally verklempt. How can I have so many people that love me THIS MUCH?

It's completely overwhelming. There aren't words that can possibly describe the emotions I am feeling right now.

On a sadder note, I have had a LOT of bad medical news regarding friends and family this week. Many cancer related issues (anyone who knows Betty Rose, please email me and I'll get you a status update), including a good friend in the CCU, a friend of a friend that is battling stage 4 breast cancer, the father of a friend who has had prostate cancer for a year and a half but didn't tell anyone and hasn't been taking his meds, a friend who is dealing with the news that her unborn daughter has a hole in her heart, and another friend going in for surgery tomorrow. While I am so excited about my news, it's definitely tampered by the worries of friends and family. *sigh*

When it rains, it pours. But, I am trying to revel in my own healthy body, and to remember that I have faith that things will work out for the best.

Later:

One month 'til the one year

Wow - I just looked at my calendar, and it's one more month until my one-year anniversary of my diagnosis. Or, as a friend calls it, a cancer-versary. (I might have a shirt made...)

Holy cow. I knew this time was coming, but I also have been ignoring it. Seeing and realizing that makes me think - it's going to be pretty emotional. Especially b/c I will be in AZ alone with my kids. I think I may take them to the zoo or something - something to celebrate living. Something that will be a kick in the face of cancer. Something that will prove to all of the patients and survivors out there that this CAN be beaten, and in 12 short months, you can beat this thing, and live your life, and move past it.

But, I know I will mourn. I know it's going to be emotional. And, I know I need to deal with those emotions. Just not yet....

Comments:

Nancy said...

and oh what a day it will be...you need to celebrate,with every good word or any word at all I always thank our Heavenly Father that we have the chance to hear those words and that they be good words.You and the family needs to have a few good things going on and it is going to happen. will get those dates out to you later...lots of my love ..later

April 23, 2009 at 1:29 PM

 Amanda: said...

Tomorrow will be Joshua's 5 year Cancer-versary. Just think - in no time, you'll be celebrating that too!!

We had a party tonight. You should have one too :)

April 26, 2009 at 8:02 PM

APRIL 22, 2009

GOOD NEWS!!!

Had the drs appt today - all is well in Michelle's body! CEA levels are well within limits (mine are 1.5, no worries unless they get up to 3.5 or higher), and my CA19 levels (I have NO idea what these are) are at 8, and anything under 36 is normal. Am I worried that I don't know what they are? Nope, 'long as they are normal!

Nothing for another three months. PET scan and colonoscopy in July. Dr O seems very laid back about this all - no worries, no concerns.

Wow - how do I get to be like that?

Comments:

Daria said...

Michelle,

No worries ... no concerns ... what more could you ask for ... good for you.

All the best,
Daria

April 22, 2009 at 7:37 PM

 Carol Urban said...

My PET scan and follow up visits are scheduled for July as well! We have much to celebrate! YEAH!!

I am so PSYCHED!!!

April 23, 2009 at 6:39 AM

 Jill said...

yay!!!

April 23, 2009 at 7:33 AM

 Tina said...

Praise God!
I'm so happy for you, and it gives me something to look forward to!!

April 23, 2009 at 11:18 AM

 Nancy said...

We have been waiting all day to hear this great news.Oh honey we know how this has made you feel and we only wish Levi could have been home to celebrate with you.God we wish we could be there with you.and know in your heart we are there as always.found the kids blog and got to show Tori Julia's pictures of her birthday.first words out of her was i want to go ...love you later

April 23, 2009 at 1:13 PM

APRIL 21, 2009

CEA level up a little - worried? You bet....

Got a call from my drs office yesterday afternoon. They called with the results of my recent blood work. She said that my levels were normal, and they'll see me on Wednesday - um, nope - wait a minute lady - what exactly were my levels? (Anyone that is battling or has battled this disease understands the obsession with the CEA levels and those numbers.....)

My CEA level is at 1.5. This had me worried because it was at 1.3 in January. Hmmmm. I freaked out, naturally, and proceeded to call my friend Anne, who is a 5 year colon cancer survivor. She assured me that this was totally normal, and I should really only worry if I see a jump of whole numbers - if my numbers jump, for example, to 5.6.

While I feel better knowing this is normal, it brings to light for me the fact that this cancer could indeed rear it's ugly head without my knowledge. It could come back, with a vengence, and take control of my body, and all the while, I'm not aware of it. That's terrifying! My God - I have done what I can to try to kill this thing, and yet, those little bastards are still in there. I feel like I should be having more chemo, fighting off the cancer cells. I want, desperately, to do anything and everything I can to kick this thing in the ass so hard that it CAN'T come back. I want to kill it, pummel it and beat it and strangle it and make it suffer endlessly, then eradicate it from my body forever, and I'm not a particularly violent person (in spite of my love for hockey and rugby....).

I think this just makes me take a step back, look at where I was, how far I have come, and where I am going. It reaffirms for me that, while I like to think I'm in control, I'm not. I don't like it, but there you go. I have control over how I handle the disease - I don't have control over the disease. It sucks, but there you go.

So, I am anxiously waiting for the doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon so I can grill Dr O about the numbers, what's normal, when I need to worry, what I can do in the meantime to help my body combat this cancer, etc. I want to feel like I am doing something, and I don't think there's anything more I can do.

Is this why they say that sometimes, it's harder to deal with your cancer AFTER you're done with chemo? This isn't fair - I thought the hard part was over.

Stupid cancer. DAMN cancer. F*** THE CANCER!!!

Comments:

Jill said...

Just wanted to give you a great big hug!

April 21, 2009 at 2:50 PM

 Daria said...

Oh my ... the fear after treatment is difficult to deal with ... I sometimes wonder what is worst ... the treatment or not having it.

April 21, 2009 at 7:39 PM

 Carol Urban said...

My surgical oncologist told me that anything under a 5 is normal. I would think that anyone off the street could have a 1.5 and be normal.

I read somewhere that cancer is just other types of cells that have mutated.

This waiting it out for five years is going to be difficult!

April 22, 2009 at 7:00 AM

 Amanda: said...

Aww... every single time Joshua says he has a headache or throws up I literally have to stop myself from immediately scheduling and MRI, and he's 5 years past diagnosis!!

Hang in there.

April 22, 2009 at 7:10 AM

APRIL 19, 2009

Wow.....just, wow.....

Last night, I attended my first Colon Cancer Alliance event as a member of the Board for the Central Arizona Chapter. And, the only word I can use to describe it is, wow.

We were invited to attended the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America's Take Steps walk to raise money for their foundation. (Here is their website.) It was awesome - held at the University of Phoenix stadium, they had 1500 people attend and take part. We had a booth there that allowed us to display all our wares (CCA info, info about the upcoming Undy, etc.), and allowed us to get information out to hundreds of people. Honestly, we probably spoke to several hundred people. We even had 30+ people sign up for our upcoming events newsletter! So exciting!

The big hit of the night? Remember, in February, I posted pictures of the awesome quilt my aunt made for me? Well, we hung it up last night, and, Aunt Nancy - your ingenious quilt was honestly the biggest draw of anything (well, not as big as the bouncy houses for the kids) all night long. It drew people to us, asking about where/how/why it was made, and it allowed me to tell people my story, and to invite them to sign up for our events newsletter. So exciting. They loved the quilt, and I actually had people ask to have their pictures taken by it. Brilliant. So, Aunt Nancy, you definitely came up with an idea that is going to help me change the world, one pair of panties at a time. Awesome! I can't wait to send you pictures next week. I am hoping to get some this week.

Overall, the night was a complete success. I feel like, by being there and telling people my story, it made them realize that colon cancer DOES happen to other people, and that it's important to get tested. I met so many inspiring people - I hadn't really done any research about Crohn's or UC, and now, I will be making sure that I understand the basics of these diseases. People with Crohn's and UC have a tough road ahead of them, but they were all happy, healthy, and excited to be there last night. THAT'S the kind of response I want to have for our events, and with the networking I did last night (and with the wonderful people I met), I know that our organizations will be able to make HUGE strides in the fight against these things.

My spirit is so filled today. I am so excited about the potential we have here in Phoenix. Next week - Women's Expo. If you are interested or will be there, PLEASE let me know, and I will look forward to seeing you there.Here's some information about the upcoming Women's Expo. Very exciting.

And, yes, the quilt will be there. Believe me, I won't be attending any CCA events without it. Ever. :-)

Comments:

Tina said...

Thanks for speaking out, sharing your story and time!!

April 19, 2009 at 1:03 PM

 Nancy said...

I will never find the words to tell you how it makes me feel and how proud I am for being a part of your life and the fight against cancer.I may not be there in person but am there in heart.You hang that quilt high and proud.You deserve to sweetie.thank you for making me feel so.......well.....wow....love always

April 19, 2009 at 7:32 PM

 Amanda: said...

That's way awesome! Events like that are so therapeutic! Not to mention they could be a life saver for someone else.

April 20, 2009 at 8:47 AM

 Carol Urban said...

Way to go!

April 20, 2009 at 10:11 AM

APRIL 17, 2009

Levi made it to Syracuse

Short story: no work in AZ = Levi headed to NY for work. He's been out of work for 6 months, and it's really getting to a point where we needed to take extreme measures to get him a job. He contacted a former employer and was offered a position with him - so, it looks like he'll be in Syracuse for at least 6 months, unless he finds something here sooner.

So, I'm single-momming it. Tough, but we've done this before. Not usually this long of a time apart and (for me) not with two kids, but we'll make it work. Consider it something else to build my character.

And, I know we'll see him in August when we all go back for my brother's wedding. I can't wait. Is it too soon to start the countdown?

Comments:

Amanda: said...

Man, that would be super rough. Hopefully he's home sooner rather than later!! Hang in there!

April 20, 2009 at 8:46 AM

Later:

What's lonelier?

Just a thought - what's lonelier? Leaving someone, or being left. Having been on both sides of this, I think being left is much lonelier. Can you tell I'm missing my husband? It's Friday - usually, tonight's the night we take the kids for a cheap dinner out, then head to the grocery store. I have plans for tonight and the entire weekend, and yet, there's a hole left. I am missing half of me. I am missing my love.

I have been through this kind of working-in-separate-states before with him. Matter of fact, since we first got together, this has been a fairly common routine. However, I don't think it has gotten any easier. I am certainly busier, and thus, I don't dwell on his absence, but.....it isn't any easier.

Just had to get this out. Is there a relationship between this and cancer? I think one can definitely be made. I don't want to explore it now, but it's something (more) to think about.

Comments:

Daria said...

Oh I feel for you .... damn economy.

April 17, 2009 at 3:23 PM

APRIL 15, 2009

New normal

I was listening to NPR last night on the way home (yes, I am a National Public Radio geek - so sue me!), and they had a series asking people about their idea of what is being deemed the "new normal." They were, of course, referring to this new normalcy that has descended upon the nation (and the world) as a result of the financial meltdown. 

My first thought was, if only these people had to live with MY version of the new normal. Not that I am downplaying the severity of what the world is going through, but if you're version of the new normal means that you had to give up your Starbucks iced latte in the morning, I have little pity for you. I understand that others have had to readjust their lives to deal with a loss of wages, loss of housing, etc., but the discussion inevitably made me think of MY new normal. 

I have spoken about this before on this blog (unless my mind is remembering things that didn't happen). It made me wonder what people would say if we were to have a conversation about a true, new normal. And, what that means to everyone.

I am interested to hear others' ideas about this. What does this term mean to you? What caused you to realize that you had a new normal in your life?

Comments:

Tina said...

oh, Michelle, I am laughing right now! I know your subject was serious,so forgive me--but when you say "new normal" I have to think of what my surgeon said to me after removing a large part of my colon. It could take 6 months to get to my "new normal" (meaning bowel movements!!). Again, I'm sorry! But I thought you'd maybe understand the humor I saw in that. Or am I just hopeless?
Have a great day!
Tina

April 16, 2009 at 2:12 PM

 Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

Michelle, You are right. When you have cancer, you get a 'new normal' along with it. Everything in your life becomes colored by this new unwelcome reality. As a leukemia survivor of 7 years, I can tell you that this new normal does not go away although it does undergo change along with the rest of your life. The cancer, in some shape or form, will always be with you. And as you have probably already discovered, this new normal does also carry with it a few blessings, however unbidden. I enjoyed some of your insights. I just started my own blog. www.beingcancer.net. Please stop by sometime. Dennis

April 19, 2009 at 9:48 AM

APRIL 14, 2009

Faking cancer - are you kidding me???

I just read an article about a woman that faked cancer to get the money from an insurance policy she took out. I actually found an article on msnbc.com, and googled "Woman who faked cancer diagnosis" or something along those lines, and came up with a disturbing number of hits, all relating to people that have faked a diagnosis of cancer in order to obtain money, sympathy, donations, etc.

Are you f-ing kidding me?!?! As a cancer ass-kicker, this pisses me off more than anything I have read in a while. What kind of f-ed up person thinks this is a good way to obtain sympathy for themselves? What kind of person thinks THIS would be a good way to cheat their friends, family, insurance, work, etc. It makes me want to find these people and kick them in the head.

Wow - I have tried to keep calm about a lot of things lately that I have seen/heard that make me upset. I realize that people have their own problems, and I try to be understanding about seeing their perspective and maybe gaining some insight into why they made a certain decision. I can understand that times are tough - everyone is struggling, and some people are worse off than others. My family has been very lucky and we have somehow been able to keep our heads above water . However, never in my life (even before cancer) would I have ever said, hey, if I pretend to have cancer, people might give me money, donate their vacation time, etc.

ARGH! I know this isn't the first time someone has been accused of this, and I unfortunately know that this isn't the last time someone will pull this shit. However, this is the first time I have come across an article like this since I got sick, and it makes me so angry I'm seeing red.

I know it's evil, and I am sure that people will likely rake me over the coals for this, but I would love to have the chance to sit down with someone like that, and hand over all my cancer cells and say here, you want it, you have it. Here you go - with all the love in my heart (insert dripping sarcasm here).

*Sigh* What the hell is the world coming to? Really. Things like this make me wonder why in the world I get cancer (I feel like I've lived a pretty decent life), yet people like this will probably live until they are 105, happy and healthy. Not fair. I have to hope that someone like this will end up writhing in hell, for eternity.

Sorry for the cursing - this just pisses me off like very few things do. I know it's because I have dealt with it and because I am personally offended by this (though offended doesn't begin to describe what I'm feeling), but please. THIS is your solution?

Comments:

Carol Urban said...

Uh, this makes me kinda want to wish cancer on them FOR REAL! Then they can get a dose of what millions of people struggle with.

April 14, 2009 at 1:33 PM

 Tina said...

I agree with both of you. Some people are soooo clueless. They have no idea what its like to suffer thru this, and I wish they could experience all the crap and pain we go thru with the treatments, etc. One can only hope they'll figure it out someday and be filled with remorse. There is just no excuse for this!

April 14, 2009 at 1:38 PM

 Amanda: said...

That's just so sad... Can you imagine being that desperate? I wonder what karma has in store for them... Why do there have to be people like that in the world?

April 15, 2009 at 7:56 AM

 Caroline said...

I was just blogging about another moron around here who did the same thing - faked cancer. What do these people think? Obviously they don't think. That is the problem.

June 6, 2009 at 3:24 AM