I have
been meaning to update this blog with several thoughts, and every time I think
to do it, it's an odd time or I'm driving or about to go to sleep or, um,
working. So, here's some of the things that have been running through my head.
Regarding the update on the Colon Cancer Alliance, we have officially been named a chapter. Thus, you are now reading the blog of the Co-Chair of the Colon Cancer Alliance, Central Arizona Chapter. Woo! They ladies asked me to be the co-chair, and I am humbled and honored at their request. I am working with (and getting to know) 4 of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and the excitement at the potential of this group is unlimited. We had a big push for awareness in March, and we have several events in April, the biggest of which is the Women's Expo in Phoenix. This event will be held April 25th and 26th at the University of Phoenix Stadium (where the Arizona Cardinals play, and where the Super Bowl was held in 2008). We are so excited - it looks like we are going to have our own table. It's an amazing way to get the word out to 20,000+ women, and since I have never been to this event, I am even more excited! We have several other things happening, and I will try to keep you all in the loop. We are in the process of getting a Facebook page set up, as well as getting our CCA webpage updated with events, contact information, etc. I will post that all when I have it. Meantime, if you are interested in becoming a member of our chapter, it's a free membership, and we will be able to keep you updated with the events, awareness materials, etc. Feel free to contact me through this blog, and I will send you the membership form.
What else? I wanted to update you on my latent side-effects from chemo. They are better, but still there in a way that reminds me daily of what I have been through. Kind of a swift kick in the arse. The neuropathy has gotten much better, though I do still notice it occasionally in my feet and fingers. It's not nearly as bad as it was. Matter of fact, I ended up taking myself off of the Alpha Lipoic Acid because it started causing serious heartburn immediately after taking it. And, since then, I have been great. It's almost like my body was saying, hey - that's enough. We're good now. :-)
Chemo brain - well, this is one side effect that I wish I could say was gone and forgotten, but truthfully, I am still struggling with it. I expect that I will have bouts of it occasionally - I am getting better, but there are days when I literally wake up knowing it's going to be a tough day to get through. There's just a feeling, and I am learning to cope with it as best as I can. I hate it, but the days I wake up feeling like a nincompoop are fewer and far between, so I am hopeful that one day, they will just disappear.
The oddest thing has happened lately - I have been sensitive to cold things again. By no means has it been as bad as it was while I was on chemo (Tina, this is the one thing I can guarantee you will surprise, shock, and infuriate you when you start chemo!). But, I have noticed recently that holding cold things and eating/drinking really cold things has been more difficult. It's not nearly as bad as it was last year, but I feel like it's gotten worse in the last couple of weeks. Case in point - before this week, I hadn't had problems putting, say, ice cubes into a drink. This week, though, touching the ice made my fingers freeze almost instantly. Last night, we went to dinner and I had a margarita, frozen. Dumb move. Can you say immediate brain freeze? I couldn't finish the drink. I mean, I took a single sip of this drink, and the brain freeze was so bad it made my eyes tear up and I couldn't speak to tell Levi what was wrong. It sucked! So, I will be backing off of the cold stuff for a while, which I am not impressed with and will definitely be asking my doctor about on the 22nd.
There was something else I was going to mention, but I can't remember. Oh well - see, you get used to it.
Let's see - OH! Remember when I posted about my facial breakouts? They were awful - painful, tender, inflamed, infected, etc. It was a pretty picture by any means. At 32 years old, I shouldn't be embarrassed to have my husband look me in the face with no makeup on, and I was. I wouldn't let him see me - it was that bad. Well, I took some time (and money) and headed to Ulta, a hair/make-up store here in AZ, and spoke with an associate. She has seen this before and helped me get into a facial routine that is gentle, works with facial breakouts, and helped my skin calm down. I also spent some time and had a facial - something I had never done before. Honestly, this was probably the best $60 I have ever spent. The lady that took care of me has been doing this for 25 years and has actually had some experience with this case before, so she had ideas on what could help me. It was amazing - I won't say that my face is completely clear now, but the difference is unbelievable. I feel like I should have taken before and after pictures, it was that severe.
I think that's all the chemo-related things to post about. I'm sure I'll remember something later, but I'll just post another entry. :-)
I wanted to mention something that I discovered while I was in England. As you know, I enjoyed my trip immensely. I had a wonderful time, and loved spending the time with my brother and Tom. It was like a dream come true. While I was there, though, I found myself getting anxious to get home. It took me a while to figure out why I was feeling like that. On the plane ride home, it dawned on me.
At 32 years of age, after several job changes, medical issues, the birth of two children, more moves than I want to remember or admit, and several rounds of ups and downs in personal and professional arenas, I am finally happy with my life. I am happy with who I am personally, I am happy with the life I have, I am proud of what I have accomplished, and I am grateful for what I have. I think this revelation came about for many reasons, the biggest of which was being diagnosed with cancer.
While I was in London, I was provided with the opportunity to reflect on what I have been through in the past year. I was given the chance to look at my life from a distance, and make a comparison to someone else's life. I think that people are always looking for a better way, a different avenue, an alternate path to happiness. Americans, I think, are programmed to constantly look for bigger, better, faster, stronger things. Material items that will somehow prove to others that you are better than they are. We are constantly comparing our lives to the lives of others - keeping up with the Jones', so to speak. We are raised in a world that teaches us that the grass might be greener on the other side, that there might be a better way to do something. And, I was guilty of that. I was always looking for the next best thing, whether it was clothes, cell phone, music, car, job, etc. You are trained to NOT be happy with what you have. I think getting cancer and being forced, truly forced, to reevaluate my life made me realize that I am so happy with where I am right now.
Who wouldn't be? Sure, there are negatives. I had cancer. Big deal. My husband doesn't have a job right now. Oh well. Here are the positives, as I see them.
Yes, I had cancer. Without it, I wouldn't have the view of life that I have now. My kids wouldn't have the relationship with my parents that they have now, nor would they have the relationship they have with Levi and me. My relationship with my husband is, by far, the best it has ever been, in 7 years of marriage and 9+ years of friendship/dating. I have been blessed with getting to know (in person and virtually) the most amazing people in the entire world. I was given the chance to learn about this entire community of people that I otherwise wouldn't have been privy to. I have been given the gift of seeing the beauty in the mountains, the flowers, the sky, my kids, my family...everything.
So, my husband doesn't have a job. Yes, that sucks. But, it looks like he will be heading back to New York in a couple of weeks. His old boss has said that he has work for Levi, and while he will have to be away from us for the summer (and maybe longer), he has a job. That's more than millions of Americans can say right now.
I don't have to look elsewhere for happiness. I have it right here. I have my gorgeous children. I have my amazing husband. I have a family that loves me unconditionally, that trusts me and cherishes me and enjoys me. I have the most amazing group of friends anyone has ever been blessed with. Those friendships span the entire world, and I know that, in a moment's notice, I can contact one of them with a question, need, or desire, and they would respond without hesitation.
How can one not be grateful for this life? I am completely and utterly shocked and humbled and honored and amazed and grateful and......really, there aren't words to describe the feelings I have about where I am in my life now. And, to have this revelation while I am still so young? My God - how did I get so lucky?
My wish for you? That you too have the same verve for life - that you have the same realization, and that you start living the life you were given, rather than searching for the life that you think you should be living. Take a moment to look at your life, to look at the blessing that you have, and think about this amazing time you have here on the Earth. It's such an extraordinary life we live. Cherish it. Cherish what you have. And, cherish those that you love.
It could all be yanked out from underneath you at any moment......while you have it, enjoy it. That's what life is all about. That's what living is all about.
Regarding the update on the Colon Cancer Alliance, we have officially been named a chapter. Thus, you are now reading the blog of the Co-Chair of the Colon Cancer Alliance, Central Arizona Chapter. Woo! They ladies asked me to be the co-chair, and I am humbled and honored at their request. I am working with (and getting to know) 4 of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and the excitement at the potential of this group is unlimited. We had a big push for awareness in March, and we have several events in April, the biggest of which is the Women's Expo in Phoenix. This event will be held April 25th and 26th at the University of Phoenix Stadium (where the Arizona Cardinals play, and where the Super Bowl was held in 2008). We are so excited - it looks like we are going to have our own table. It's an amazing way to get the word out to 20,000+ women, and since I have never been to this event, I am even more excited! We have several other things happening, and I will try to keep you all in the loop. We are in the process of getting a Facebook page set up, as well as getting our CCA webpage updated with events, contact information, etc. I will post that all when I have it. Meantime, if you are interested in becoming a member of our chapter, it's a free membership, and we will be able to keep you updated with the events, awareness materials, etc. Feel free to contact me through this blog, and I will send you the membership form.
What else? I wanted to update you on my latent side-effects from chemo. They are better, but still there in a way that reminds me daily of what I have been through. Kind of a swift kick in the arse. The neuropathy has gotten much better, though I do still notice it occasionally in my feet and fingers. It's not nearly as bad as it was. Matter of fact, I ended up taking myself off of the Alpha Lipoic Acid because it started causing serious heartburn immediately after taking it. And, since then, I have been great. It's almost like my body was saying, hey - that's enough. We're good now. :-)
Chemo brain - well, this is one side effect that I wish I could say was gone and forgotten, but truthfully, I am still struggling with it. I expect that I will have bouts of it occasionally - I am getting better, but there are days when I literally wake up knowing it's going to be a tough day to get through. There's just a feeling, and I am learning to cope with it as best as I can. I hate it, but the days I wake up feeling like a nincompoop are fewer and far between, so I am hopeful that one day, they will just disappear.
The oddest thing has happened lately - I have been sensitive to cold things again. By no means has it been as bad as it was while I was on chemo (Tina, this is the one thing I can guarantee you will surprise, shock, and infuriate you when you start chemo!). But, I have noticed recently that holding cold things and eating/drinking really cold things has been more difficult. It's not nearly as bad as it was last year, but I feel like it's gotten worse in the last couple of weeks. Case in point - before this week, I hadn't had problems putting, say, ice cubes into a drink. This week, though, touching the ice made my fingers freeze almost instantly. Last night, we went to dinner and I had a margarita, frozen. Dumb move. Can you say immediate brain freeze? I couldn't finish the drink. I mean, I took a single sip of this drink, and the brain freeze was so bad it made my eyes tear up and I couldn't speak to tell Levi what was wrong. It sucked! So, I will be backing off of the cold stuff for a while, which I am not impressed with and will definitely be asking my doctor about on the 22nd.
There was something else I was going to mention, but I can't remember. Oh well - see, you get used to it.
Let's see - OH! Remember when I posted about my facial breakouts? They were awful - painful, tender, inflamed, infected, etc. It was a pretty picture by any means. At 32 years old, I shouldn't be embarrassed to have my husband look me in the face with no makeup on, and I was. I wouldn't let him see me - it was that bad. Well, I took some time (and money) and headed to Ulta, a hair/make-up store here in AZ, and spoke with an associate. She has seen this before and helped me get into a facial routine that is gentle, works with facial breakouts, and helped my skin calm down. I also spent some time and had a facial - something I had never done before. Honestly, this was probably the best $60 I have ever spent. The lady that took care of me has been doing this for 25 years and has actually had some experience with this case before, so she had ideas on what could help me. It was amazing - I won't say that my face is completely clear now, but the difference is unbelievable. I feel like I should have taken before and after pictures, it was that severe.
I think that's all the chemo-related things to post about. I'm sure I'll remember something later, but I'll just post another entry. :-)
I wanted to mention something that I discovered while I was in England. As you know, I enjoyed my trip immensely. I had a wonderful time, and loved spending the time with my brother and Tom. It was like a dream come true. While I was there, though, I found myself getting anxious to get home. It took me a while to figure out why I was feeling like that. On the plane ride home, it dawned on me.
At 32 years of age, after several job changes, medical issues, the birth of two children, more moves than I want to remember or admit, and several rounds of ups and downs in personal and professional arenas, I am finally happy with my life. I am happy with who I am personally, I am happy with the life I have, I am proud of what I have accomplished, and I am grateful for what I have. I think this revelation came about for many reasons, the biggest of which was being diagnosed with cancer.
While I was in London, I was provided with the opportunity to reflect on what I have been through in the past year. I was given the chance to look at my life from a distance, and make a comparison to someone else's life. I think that people are always looking for a better way, a different avenue, an alternate path to happiness. Americans, I think, are programmed to constantly look for bigger, better, faster, stronger things. Material items that will somehow prove to others that you are better than they are. We are constantly comparing our lives to the lives of others - keeping up with the Jones', so to speak. We are raised in a world that teaches us that the grass might be greener on the other side, that there might be a better way to do something. And, I was guilty of that. I was always looking for the next best thing, whether it was clothes, cell phone, music, car, job, etc. You are trained to NOT be happy with what you have. I think getting cancer and being forced, truly forced, to reevaluate my life made me realize that I am so happy with where I am right now.
Who wouldn't be? Sure, there are negatives. I had cancer. Big deal. My husband doesn't have a job right now. Oh well. Here are the positives, as I see them.
Yes, I had cancer. Without it, I wouldn't have the view of life that I have now. My kids wouldn't have the relationship with my parents that they have now, nor would they have the relationship they have with Levi and me. My relationship with my husband is, by far, the best it has ever been, in 7 years of marriage and 9+ years of friendship/dating. I have been blessed with getting to know (in person and virtually) the most amazing people in the entire world. I was given the chance to learn about this entire community of people that I otherwise wouldn't have been privy to. I have been given the gift of seeing the beauty in the mountains, the flowers, the sky, my kids, my family...everything.
So, my husband doesn't have a job. Yes, that sucks. But, it looks like he will be heading back to New York in a couple of weeks. His old boss has said that he has work for Levi, and while he will have to be away from us for the summer (and maybe longer), he has a job. That's more than millions of Americans can say right now.
I don't have to look elsewhere for happiness. I have it right here. I have my gorgeous children. I have my amazing husband. I have a family that loves me unconditionally, that trusts me and cherishes me and enjoys me. I have the most amazing group of friends anyone has ever been blessed with. Those friendships span the entire world, and I know that, in a moment's notice, I can contact one of them with a question, need, or desire, and they would respond without hesitation.
How can one not be grateful for this life? I am completely and utterly shocked and humbled and honored and amazed and grateful and......really, there aren't words to describe the feelings I have about where I am in my life now. And, to have this revelation while I am still so young? My God - how did I get so lucky?
My wish for you? That you too have the same verve for life - that you have the same realization, and that you start living the life you were given, rather than searching for the life that you think you should be living. Take a moment to look at your life, to look at the blessing that you have, and think about this amazing time you have here on the Earth. It's such an extraordinary life we live. Cherish it. Cherish what you have. And, cherish those that you love.
It could all be yanked out from underneath you at any moment......while you have it, enjoy it. That's what life is all about. That's what living is all about.
Comments:
Amanda: said...
Michelle
- that's an awesome post. I especially love seeing how your outlook has changed
so much since you were first diagnosed and heading down this road. It's
certainly not a path everyone can handle as well as you did. And it's awesome
to see you in the place where you can see how it was actually a blessing in
disguise :)
April
6, 2009 at 9:25 AM
Alot
of the blessings you are feeling I am feeling too. Its hard to put into words!
I have been overwhelmed by everyone's well wishes, and kindness. And my family!
I can see so clearly now why God gave them to me! (Because there have been
times that I wondered...)
I hope I can get through chemo as well as you did and still feel so blessed! :-) Thanks for keeping up on the blog, and being so honest about everything!
I hope I can get through chemo as well as you did and still feel so blessed! :-) Thanks for keeping up on the blog, and being so honest about everything!
April
6, 2009 at 2:39 PM
Michelle,
what an amazingly insightful post! There's no Chemo fog surrounding your brain.
It works just fine!
I agree with you. I appreciate everything so much more now. I let things slide that in the past I would have had a conniption over! Doesn't seem important anymore.
I still say I'm glad I found you online. One day I would like to meet you and Tina in person.
I agree with you. I appreciate everything so much more now. I let things slide that in the past I would have had a conniption over! Doesn't seem important anymore.
I still say I'm glad I found you online. One day I would like to meet you and Tina in person.
April
7, 2009 at 2:39 PM
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