JUNE 27, 2008

Genetics Appt

As mentioned, we headed to the consult for the genetics testing yesterday afternoon. First, what a gorgeous campus they have there in Scottsdale. I think I may return to the cancer center just for some support. It's this beautiful, modern facility that truly made me feel like crying when I walked in, not b/c of fear or concern but because I felt this overwhelming sense of calm and support. It was amazing. I can't wait to head to the Wellness Center in Phoenix, to see if I get the same feeling.

Anyway, I will go back to that in a moment. Genetics - so, I was registered and take up to meet the lady that did our consult. She is a genetics doctor, and spent about an hour explaining how colon cancer can be passed down through the genes, and even went so far as to name the chromosomes and proteins that would affect the cells (thank goodness I paid attention in chemistry and biology in high school - I was actually able to follow and understand her!). Basically, there are 5 known chromosomes that can be mutated in a way that could predetermine that person to get colon cancer, particularly at an early age.

Here's some other information - 60% of colon cancer cases are of unknown origin, meaning that there isn't a family history and no given reason for a person to get the cancer. Basically, for those people, it comes down to luck and what environmental conditions they have exposed themselves to over the course of their life (usually, this occurs after age 55), and how their body reacts to those conditions. Another 30% (these percentages are all approximate) of colon cancer patients have some form of family history of colon cancer (or uterine/endometrial cancer, as they are closely related). The other 10% of patients have a genetic mutation that doesn't show up in the family until they get it, meaning they are the first. Lucky them.

After the doctor went through explaining the laymen version of the specifics of how genetics could potentially affect a family's cancer diagnoses, she went through our family history. Luckily, both my Mom and Dad were there for this, and were able to help clarify some of the information. Basically, the results from that indicate that there is no known history in my family whatsoever of colon cancer. And, while there are cases of cancer on both sides of the family, there are no repeats of those cancers (i.e. no repeats of breast cancer in women on the same family tree), which also bodes well. There is also a good history of family longevity (both sides averaged into their 70s), which again, is good news.

So, we spoke with the doctor about what this means. She seems to feel that there will not be a genetic predisposition shown in the cancer, meaning that I am just a freak of nature. (Really, didn't we already know that?!?!?!) What they are going to do to determine the lack of genetic predisposition is to test a sample of the tumor they removed from my colon.

Okay, side note here. Did you know that when they remove anything from your body, they (meaning the drs and hospitals) are required by law to keep a sample of said, well, tissue on file for at least 5 years?!?! Here's my image: I picture a storage room of sorts, lined up with racks and racks of cryogenically-maintained body parts, tumors, blood samples, etc. And, when they need it, they call up the storage people (I am using personal experience with off-site storage companies here) and have them ship on over the sample of your body. EWWW!

All right - ahem. Sorry. So, they will request a sample of my tumor, and they will be able to test the sample for the protein that would indicate to them whether or not the genetic codes are altered. Basically, your genes produce protein in your cells, allowing the cells to heal themselves against the attack of the things we send into them each moment. If the genes are altered genetically (i.e. you inherit this damaged gene from dear old mom or dad), then your body won't be able to produce the correct protein to fix your cell, thus allowing the damaged cell to reproduce, forming a tumor that has a higher likelihood of becoming cancerous. The test they are going to run on my tumor will allow them to see if this protein is or isn't being produced. If it is, then they can determine from that point that this is not a genetic cancer, and that I am truly just a freak of nature who beat the odds and needs to be written up in the medical journals. (All right, I made that last part about being in medical journals up.) If they can determine that the protein isn't being produced as it should be, then they will pull blood (damn vampires) and test the known genes for this alteration.

Having said all of that, the doctor seems to feel that there is a low probability that this is a genetic cancer. Which means, as I said, that I am just a freak of nature.

I am thinking of using that as my tattoo design. FREAK OF NATURE. I really think it's appropriate. I mean, I know it was even before this, but now I will be able to say, truly, that I am medically a freak. How cool!!! I mean, how many people can lay claim to that? Dad said yesterday that he could have told me this without having to go through all of this. LOL!

Later:

The Wellness Center

Oh, in the last post I mentioned the Wellness Center. I don't know a whole lot about it, but if you are reading this in another city and find yourself facing cancer, either personally of as a caregiver of loved one of someone facing cancer, I recommend that you look into it. It's a non-profit organization providing support services to cancer patients, their caregivers, and their families. They have classes to teach patients about eating right during chemo, how to handle the stresses of the diagnosis and treatments, support groups for different cancers and age groups, yoga classes, beauty classes, etc. I am going to try to head there on Monday (it's a hike from our house), but I am hopeful to find the same kind of peace and serenity that I found at the Virginia Piper Cancer Center in Scottsdale.

Later:

Slightly New Format - D'ya like?!?!

I was playing on the blog tonight and decided to make a template change. In doing so, I found out that I could add a subscription page, which I believe send you an email if/when I post something new. (Oh, smart brothers o' mine, thoughts here?!?!)

I can also add a poll for all of you to answer. Mwa-ha-ha - who knew there would be homework when you read my blog! What can I come up with to ask my unsuspecting readers....hmmmm. Oh, and I updated my profile. Since this website is read by (as I am finding out) more people than I expected, I figured that I would update my information. I had to think about some of the questions. My favorite movie? See, I don't watch movies, generally. I have kids. My movies consist of mostly animated movies, of the Disney variety usually (they are mine, after all), although tonight I had to put the Bob the Builder DVD up and away from Kevin's reach after we watched it twice, in a row. I really had to think back on what movies I enjoy watching, then it dawned on me - duh! Mel Brooks. Who doesn't love a good Mel Brooks film?

(See, this is what happens when I have time on my hands.....)

Comments:

Nancy said...

hi sweetie..sorry it has taken me so long to write....vbs this last weekend and then been having trouble trying to write you .I had to use a different e mail address.Well i heard you are about to start your next treatment.Hang tight you are going to make it .You are so strong ..I believe that God has plans for you honey,because you are so strong.He will be with you the whole way.Satan can try his best but you are strong and God is stronger.You are going to do well.I am so proud of you and your will to fight this nasty stuff.I send my love and will talk later......God Bless ya'll

June 30, 2008 at 7:35 PM

JUNE 26, 2008

Drs Appts Recaps

Some of you have asked about the genetics consultation and testing that I mentioned previously. Well, today, we head to the consult for that. 2pm. I had to fill out a plethora of paperwork (isn't plethora a great word?!?!) and send it in, providing them with the gruesome and detailed information about my family members, who they are, how they are related to me, what their ages are, if they are living/dead, and what (if so) they died from. It was a fun romp back into the history of my family, and interesting, because I have cousins out there that I didn't even know about. Hmph. Anyways, I will let you know how that goes. 

And, I had an appointment with Bill, my oncologist's PA (physician's assistant) yesterday. All is well. They gave me the results from my blood work - apparently, the only thing bordering on low is my potassium, and while the nurse that called me told me I would have to start taking another RX for this, Bill scoffed and told me to "eat more fruits and vegetables, and take your vitamins." So, like a good patient, I ate a bunch of fruit yesterday, had a good salad for dinner, and took my multi this morning dutifully. Let's hope this helps. He also mentioned, in a very casual way (as if he was commenting on the summer heat) that I should be anemic within a month, and there is a shot they can administer for that. Um, what?!?! Great - more medicines. Oh well. Let's add it to the list. 

Basically, I left the appointment feeling like I fared well for my first chemo treatment. He asked how it was, I said it sucked, but that it was better than I expected, so I couldn't complain too much. (I don't think he reads this blog - let's hope.) He gave me the impression (and Dad concurred) that he was impressed with how I fared this first round out. We'll see what happens next week, but I still feel like I got an A for effort on this round. 

And, off I go to try to complete my to-do list for the day. It's amazing how many things I have to do even when I am not working. But, it's all for a good cause. And, it helps keep my mind busy. I think that's one of the hardest things right now, is my lack of brain-building things. You know, when you are working, you are constantly doing something. And, now, my days revolve around a pretty steady schedule of:
-wake up
-shower
-eat breakfast
-get the kids ready for the day
-take the kids to daycare
-come home, check email, surf the web a bit
-eat lunch
-nap
-get the kids
-dinner
-bed

Pretty boring, but that's about all I can handle right now. Frustrating, especially for those of you who know me and know my level of activity is usually bordering on manic. Ahhhh - the changes that cancer brings to your life. Anyone have any work they want me to do while I am sitting here???? PLEASE?!?!

Comments:

Young Family said...

so - i can send work your way! that would be so nice if that could really happen!!! 

glad to hear his report of how things went from their perspective the first round....

and, thanks for the t-shirt e-mail -- so hilarious -- Craig agrees with your choice!! 

take care - love you!

June 26, 2008 at 7:03 PM

JUNE 25, 2008

Get ready to feel empowered!

As you know, I am facing this disease with an open mind, trying to keep up a positive attitude and stay strong, not only for myself but for my friends and family. My brother's girlfriend Sarah sent me a website (see the comment from the last post) to show me some cool tee-shirt designs. And, being me, I decided to pursue them further. I have been looking at making a tee-shirt for myself, but wouldn't it be easier to just order one? (By the way, thanks Sarah. I absolutely needed this this morning.)

So, in light of my laziness, here are some websites that I found that I thought I would share. They feature cancer tee-shirts that made me laugh literally out loud. I will try to find the links to my favorites and add them. One of my faves - "Cancer, you picked the wrong bitch!" Isn't that perfect for me?!?!

Here you go - enjoy! And, take a moment to laugh today. If you can't do that, what's the point of getting out of bed. Remember, I can laugh about it...so can you. After all, what's funnier than butt cancer? Really?!?!

http://www.gotcancer.org/ - Very funny stuff. I will be ordering something soon. Just need to narrow down the choices. That's the hardest part.

www.cafepress.com/survivorgirl - Cute stuff. Not my favorite, as they focus more on breast cancer, but still, very empowering. I am looking more at the "I'm going to kick cancer's ass" motto. That's just me. Battle on!

www.cafepress.com/cancerkarma - This is one of my favorites. There are some REALLY funny ones here.

http://shop.cafepress.com/cancer?source=searchBox - This is just a general search under the cafepress website that brings up literally hundreds of options. From here, you can link back to the original manufacturer's website to order tee shirts, backpacks, thongs (really - what sicko thought a thong was appropriate - wait a minute....that is pretty funny!), and other items.

http://www.cafepress.com/bydls - This is a website linked from another called butyoudontlooksick.com. Very funny - it's appropriate for those of us undergoing treatment without obvious outward signs of illness. Very helpful when I use the handicapped parking spot and get nasty looks and grunts from the old people in Sun City West.

This happened yesterday, by the way. For those of you unfamiliar with Sun City in Phoenix, it's basically a retirement community. Literally. There are no schools, and you have to prove that you are 55 or older to reside there. (Disclaimer - Sun City is a beautiful place, and I mean no harm or maliciousness to anyone that lives there. But, it's odd for me as a healthy-looking 32-year-old woman to be walking around there, getting meds. That's all I am saying.)

The mouthwash they make me "swish and swallow" (still gross, by the way) had to be made at the hospital in Sun City West. While it's a very nice area, and the people seemed very pleasant, all of the people I encountered at the medical facility yesterday were about 50 years older than me. And, when I parked in the handicapped parking spot and got out, I got huffed at, hissed at, and basically given the evil eye from the seniors in the area. So, to me, a shirt telling people to stick it up their arse it perfect for me.

JUNE 24, 2008

Holy Busy Birthday, Batman!

Wow - so, as you can tell, it has taken me a while to recover from the frenzy that was my birthday. Not only was my mom here, and working a SADD conference for work (by the way, did you know that SADD doesn't stand for Students Against Drunk Driving anymore - now it's Students Against Destructive Decisions or something like that. Interesting...), but my mother-in-law Donna was here, along with our friends Kevin and Shannon and their two babies. Then, at 5pm, my dad drove into town. It was chaos, plain and simple. It was fun, but holy moses, was I tired. Remember - I had just finished my first round of chemo two days prior. All I can say is that I am so glad that I am an administrative assistant and not a part planner - I couldn't keep up with that line of work. :-) They had me hopping all day on Saturday.

Overall, it was a really nice weekend. It was so good to spend time with Donna and to see the kids interact with her. It's sad that she and the rest of the family live so far away, but we are really grateful that she was able to take the time to come down. I know both kids enjoyed the time they had with her.

Later:

Chemo, and more side effects

So, one of the things that I don't think people realize about chemo is that the side effects are long-term, they are lasting, and they don't all occur at once. In my previous, BC (before cancer) life, I didn't know much about chemo. Really, I knew the basics - it's used to try to fight cancer, and usually given IV, which meant that I didn't want to ever have to have it, b/c I am a big baby when it comes to needles. Ask my dad. I also knew that chemo had side effects, and the biggest ones that I knew of were hair loss, fatigue and nausea.

Now that I am in the midst of chemo, I am realizing that my assumptions were right, but they weren't all there is to know about chemo. Chemo is a brutal assault on your cells - both good and bad ones. This means that while the chemo army men are attacking the cancer cells, they are also attacking your blood cells, your immunity cells, etc. And, b/c of this, you start feeling really crappy really quickly. I figured that I would have a little but of leeway before I had to start dealing with the side effects of the chemotherapy. Nope - BANG - first day and there you go.

So, while I have already posted I think in more detail than people needed to know about the side effects, I also think it's important to post some of the longer-term side effects. For example, I told you all about the cold sensitivity. It sucks. There is no other way to describe it. Not being able to enjoy a slushie or an ice-cold drink in the dead of summer is torture. If you know me, you know that I carry a water bottle with me ALL THE TIME. It's red, and usually filled with ice-cold water. Not anymore. Nothing ice-cold for me. So, I was struggling with drinking enough water. Who wants to drink warm water in the summer? I finally figured out from one of the ladies I keep in touch with on a cancer bulletin board that I needed to flavor the water. DUH! So, now I am enjoying slurp after slurp of warm, room-temperature lemonade. Doesn't that make you want to join me?!?! :-)

And, the cold sensitivity isn't over. No, no. Now, I am having reaction to the air conditioning indoors. I mean, all air conditioning. I had to turn the temp in the house up yesterday, which made it easier for me to breathe, but not for the other occupants to sleep. And, while the temp change helped, it didn't make enough of a difference to allow me to breathe in deeply without issues. So, I have started wearing a face mask (think surgeon's mask) when I am doing certain things, especially in the kitchen, to avoid the feeling of an asthma attack. Here's what happens - when I get a good, big whiff of all-natural air conditioned air, my lungs feel like they cramp up. You know how, when you work out or exert yourself, your lungs get a sort of open-feeling? Like, you can take a good, long, deep breath for the first time in a long time? Then, imagine that feeling, then walking into the ice cooler at the grocery store, or outside in MN in the dead of winter. Can you imagine that freezing feeling? That's what I have almost all the time. Not fun.

What else? Oh - the mouth sores are a new one. They had warned me about this - it was one bullet I was hoping to dodge, but it looks like I am going to be able to experience most of the fun side effects. So, about three or four days ago, I noticed that my mouth was kind of sore. I didn't pay much attention b/c I wear a mouth-guard at night (aren't you glad I told you that?) and I figured it was from that. Nope. So, I call into the doctors, and they call me in an RX. Great - more medicine. I go to pick up the rinse today, and am told that it has all kinds of fun things in it, including an anti-fungal medicine, an anti-infection medicine, a hydrocortisone thing, tetracycline, some other sucrose stuff that supposed to make it taste good, and a partridge in a pear tree. And, instead of just rinsing before I went to bed (I was thinking it was a hyped up Lysterine), I have to "swish and swallow" 4 times a day, and as needed. Um, really? And, it doesn't taste that bad when you are using it, but the after-taste - GROSS. As my daughter would say, "That's EESGUSTING!!!" (The D is left off to make it true-to-Julia form.)

I think that is about all of the new side effects. They aren't fun. And, they aren't going to go away. While I know the websites and doctors and nurses and all of the websites will tell me not to say or think this, here goes. I figure that if the chemo green-army-men (that's how I think of them) are attacking enough of my good cells to make me feel this bad, think of what they are doing to the cancer cells. And, that's what helps get me through.

A lady on a bulletin board I take part in told me that she had a tee-shirt made that says "Cancer Sucks". I am thinking of getting one made in green, maybe cammo? Something along the lines of green army men and chemo and their battle against this damn cancer. While it probably won't be politically correct or appropriate and it might offend someone, I don't care. If that's what's going to help me push through this, then so be it.

I figure this one, while appropriate for me, isn't right to wear to the grocery store. Oh well. I hope it makes you laugh. I know it makes me laugh when I see it.

Comments:

eyeofamaryllis said...

http://www.gotcancer.org/store/detail/17325216/123/Cancer-Couldn't-Stop-Me-Baseball-Jersey#

Thought this might cheer you up!

-Sarah

June 24, 2008 at 7:09 PM

JUNE 21, 2008

Chemo Roundup

Well, as you can imagine, I was pretty tired from the chemo this week, hence, the lack of posts. However, I will take some time today to try to catch you all up. Here goes....

I think the last post was from day 2. After I came home from day 2, I was exhausted, and slept. That was pretty consistent with that they expected. The odd thing was that I wasn't eating. And, if you know me, you know that I usually don't have a problem with eating. However, on days 1 and 2, my appetite seemed to, well, disappear. I was eating more out of habit than anything. By 4 pm on day 2, nothing sounded good to me. Mom had made a delicious chili, and I had a small bowl of that, then spent the rest of the night pretty much resting and sleeping. I had AWFUL heartburn though (I know, you are probably banging your hand on your forehead going DUH!), which I did try to alleviate with Pepcid and Tums. Yeah, um, that didn't work. So, I was up until midnight with this wrenching pain in my upper abdomen and finally fell asleep with a little relief. Until 3:30, when the pain woke me from a dead sleep. I immediately sat up, and boom - the pain went away. Great. Well, at least I knew it was heartburn. So, when I went to the drs office on Thursday to have the pump removed, I spoke with them about it, and was immediately surrounded by 4 nurses and a PA. They were concerned that I was having a side effect from the chemo, but decided to see if the meds for heartburn alleviated it. And, good news - it has.

Beyond those two things, the biggest issue I have is the continued fatigue and the sensitivity to cold drinks. On day 2 and some of day 3, I had sensitivity to cold, whether it be by drink, the AC, etc. It's getting better, though I am still a little sensitivie to it. I have some sensitivity in my hands and arms to cold (I guess I better start looking on-line for gloves - it's bad when I take things out of the freezer - ouch!), but the throat is by far the worse. Do you know how hard it is to drink lukewarm water or Gatorade or anything in the 115 degree heat? And, I can't have cereal for breakfast (usually, a staple for me) because the milk is too cold. And, then I go to a restaurant for dinner, I have to swish the drink around in my mouth (even though I order it with no ice) to make it warm enough to drink. Pisses me right off.

So, I think that's my good chemo roundup. Overall, I will give it a 3 out of 5 stars. I am thoroughly unimpressed with this all, especially knowing how crappy I felt this time around, and with the added incentive of this being cumulative drugs, meaning that the side effects will get worse. So, last night I actually got pissed off and angry, for pretty much the first time since I got sick. It sucks that I have to get worse to get better. It blows that I have to feel tired and exhausted and sick all the time. It absolutely sucks that I can't do the things that I want to, because I have to take these drugs to kill off the cancer. All I know is that if anyone finds a punching bag or something along those lines that has CANCER written on the front, sent it to me. I will be using it as an anger-management tool. I figure getting pissed off at this is a much better idea that getting sad or depressed. So, there should be some interesting blog posts here in the next couple of months. Something to look forward to, I guess.

Later:

Happy Birthday to me!

I have to say, I don't think this will be the "best" birthday I will ever have, but it won't be the worst. I have to look at the silver lining (and, if you have read the other posts, you will see that I am kind of a cup-half-full person), and here it is. I am not dying. They found the cancer early enough to get it the hell out of my body, and now we are fighting it's spread. I am not giving up. And, I get to celebrate my 32nd birthday with my family and some friends. My mom is here, Levi's mom is here, our friends are driving up from Tucson, and my dad will probably arrive today or early tomorrow. Really, it's not a bad deal, overall. Well, except for the cancer. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! And, cancer - be damned.

Comments:

Nancy said...

Hi birthday girl....I am telling you what a wonderful day it is sweetie...it is one day closer to getting that nasty cancer out of your body.and one day closer to a life of many birthdays with all the family who hold you dear.I am so proud of you and your strength.Happy Birthday sweetie and many many more.God Bless you Michelle:)xoxoxoxoxoxo

June 21, 2008 at 7:02 PM

 mrsjenbuck said...

Kevin and I are thinking of you...
happy birthday!
look for something special coming...
we love you!
jen & kevin

June 22, 2008 at 7:59 AM

JUNE 18, 2008

Chemo Round 1, Day 2

So, today is day two of my first round of chemo. In case you are keeping up with the blogs, I will start noting these days as C1D2, or chemo round 1, day 2. Please let me know if you get confused - Lord knows I am.

Yesterday went, well, okay. Better than I expected, honestly. We got into the chemo room, and the nurse was very nice. It was a pretty busy place, and Mom wasn't able to stay through the whole thing b/c they needed the chairs for the other patients. But, she was able to stay through the hard part - the port access. Basically, this is where the nurse cleans, anesthetizes the area, and places the needle into the port. Wasn't painful, which is good. I am a wuss. However this wasn't bad at all. They then pulled blood, ran my CBC counts, and started the meds. I was in there for about 3 hours. When I left, I started having hot flashes, and ended up calling the nurses later in the day. They attributed that effect to the steroids, which they administered via IV at the beginning of the session yesterday. Other than that, the biggest side effects that I felt were fatigue (whew - I was pooped, and completed crashed when we got home) and the cold-sensitivity. That was probably the oddest sensation I have ever felt. And, it hasn't gone away yet. For those of you that live in/lived in the Northern states, you know what it feels like when you are outside in the winter, when it's bitter cold, and when you breathe in, your lungs have a freezing-line feeling? Yeah, that's what I am getting. In Phoenix. In June. The outside temp 115. Yesterday, after chemo, Mom took me to FuddRuckers, which I had never been to. It's a build-your-own burger type of place - fun! So, we ordered, and without thinking, I ordered a milkshake. Yup - it's still sitting in my fridge. LOL! And, my first sip of soda with ice - yeah, not fun. It felt like I have shards of ice in my throat. Mom took the soda back and filled the glass with soda, no ice. No dice. So, we tried the ambient temp iced tea - better. This isn't going to be fun. We have a water cooler here at the house that uses both an air temp and cold waer spigot - even the water coming from the room temp spigot is too cold for me. Holy cow.

Anywhoo, I have some nausea yesterday, but it's not too bad today. The first day of chemo is the infusion of the Oxypalantin, which seems to be the most side-effect inducing med. They hooked me up to the pump, which is small and not too intrusive. I think I have decided to name it Phinneaus. Still deciding, though. I figure that if I name it, he/she can become my "friend." Today's chemo was just the Leukavorin, which is the supplement that helps the 5FU (my pump drug) enter the cells better, and be more effective.

Tomorrow, I get the pump removed, and am free for almost two weeks. It's been a trip, that's for sure. The people in the chemo room are generally 30-40 years older than me, with a few exceptions. It makes for some difficulty in relating to others, but that's okay. I will talk with just about anyone. And, they have snacks, a flat-screen TV, and some other amenities to try to make it more comfy.

I think that's about it. I am getting pretty tired, and I still have a few phone calls to make. So, more later. 

Comments:

Nancy said...

Michelle....i have been keeping up with your writings but i think i have lost a blood test they were going to run to see if any of the other kids carry the gene or if your kids do. i may be a head of it all am not sure i was just remembering i thought you wrote about about it.I am praying for you and the family ..keep strong...keep your chin up sweetie.love you so much

June 19, 2008 at 2:46 PM

JUNE 17, 2008

Quick note before chemo...

Some of you have asked if you have my permission to tell people about my cancer, to tell them about my situation, to pray for me, etc. By all means, please tell away. My hope in telling my story is a) to keep you all informed, b) to keep track of something that will undoubtedly define who I am and who I will become, c) to have a way to tell my kids the true, unedited story of their mom's battle (and subsequent win) with cancer, and d) to hopefully inform others of colon cancer, its symptoms, what can happen during the battle, and that it can be won.

I have lofty goals of using this as a way to inform other young women about colon cancer. I know I will beat this, and I know that I will be able to use my experience to influence others. I only hope that influence will be positive, and might give someone information to allow them to make a life-changing experience.

So, as I said before, please tell everyone. A lot of people (me included, up until a few weeks ago) think that colon cancer is isolated to the elderly, and more specifically to men. That obviously isn't true. If you have someone that wants to read the blog, give them the website address. If they have questions, have them email me or post a comment - if I can use this experience as a way to teach others about this disease, then so be it. As you all know, I have no problem with using my voice. At all. :-)

Comments:

Nancy said...

hi sweetie...i know it was a big day and a rough one..i pray that you are doing well and that the treatment went well.it is going to be hard at times but lean on others and we will help get you through those hard times.i wrap my arms around you and send you my love.

June 18, 2008 at 6:01 AM

JUNE 16, 2008

Port Update

It dawned on me that I haven't posted an update on my port recently. I will say that I am getting more and more used to it, which I didn't think was possible. The biggest issue I have now is that if I turn my head a certain way, or tilt it a certain direction, I can feel it, and boy is it painful. I guess I would relate it to having a shirt on that's too tight in the arms. It's fine if you keep your arms in a fairly neutral position, but if you have to shift your arm at all, it's as if the seam is cutting into your muscle - that's how this port feels. Really, other than that, I am at a point where I hardly notice it. I mean, I know it's there, but it has gotten better with time. It really was tender and painful for about two weeks. Then, it started to ease up. The only time I really notice it now is if one of the kids leans on it (usually, it's a head leaning on it - not fun), or if I have a seatbelt that hits it just right. I know it's there (you can see the bump in my chest), but it's okay. The cut is healing pretty well, though I am pretty sure there will be a scar. But, if that's what I end up with to make sure that I make it through this, then bring on the scars, baby!

Let's see, what else? Not too much going on. A friend from work (Honeywell folks - Mary Fish!) stopped by to see me today. It was so good to see her - she is such a sweet lady, and she really brightened my day. We are running to lunch soon - I figure that I will have Chipotle one last time, before my tastes change. I just hope that they have my pico de gallo - I will be ticked off if they haven't got it, b/c of this salmonella thing. Argh!

I think that's about it. Chemo tomorrow. Dreading it, but what are you going to do? There aren't other options, and this is what I need to do. So, off to the drugs I go. Ooooh! Maybe that can be my chemo motto - Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to drugs I go.....with a needle-stick here and a loss-of-hair there, hi-ho, hi-ho! LOL! See - sense of humor people!!!

Comments:

Nancy said...

hi sweeetie..haven't talked to you in the past few days ..chemo tomarrow???it its happing so fast that it will go by this fast too.i seen james have a lot of different side effects...just dont fight it and make sure you keep the nurses up on everything.that is what they are there for and you must use them to help you .and with each day there are so many prayers going out for you and the family.all will need to stay strong and i know you can.am so glad that i am able to keep up with you and the progress you are making.take care of your self and stand strong Michelle.It will get better...i love you ..aunt nancy

June 16, 2008 at 1:08 PM

JUNE 15, 2008

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y.....NIGHT!

Wow - so, twice in one week, Levi and I went to see a movie. I would wager to bet that this is the most movie-watching time we have spent together, ever, as I am not a movie-watching-kind-of-person. Last night, we went out to dinner with friends (Lex and Darrell) to this amazing little Italian restaurant called Cucina Tagliani in Glendale. Awesome. It's a family owned restaurant, and they make everything from scratch. Even the cannollis - yum! So, we spent a few hours there, enjoying the company of friends, and the delicious food. Then, what do we do? There isn't much nightlife on this side of town, so we thought we would go see a movie. We went to see the new Adam Sandler flick, "You Don't Mess with the Zohan." Now, here's my thoughts. If you go into an Adam Sandler movie expecting to see something new, unique, and different, don't waste your time. But, if you enjoy Adam's previous movies, and find the stupid humor silly and fun and good for some laughs, I would recommend this movie. I thought it was hysterical. Better than I expected, actually. The hermaphroditic popcorn-server that asked what movie we were seeing seemed pretty dissappointed that we weren't seeing something more stimulating. Whatever. We laughed out loud several times during that movie, and there were times when we all looked at each other in disbelief. It wasn't what you would call an intellectual movie, but it was definitely a typical, Adam Sandler, dumb-humor movie. Out of five stars, I would give it about 3.5-4. Definitely something I will get on DVD.

Other than that, we spent yesterday driving, running errands. Mom watched the kids for us, and we went to the store to pick up a few things, then off to La-Z-Boy to pick up my Dad's recliner for the house. It was nuts - for so long, we have said how nice it would be to have Mom and Dad here to help us with the kids, and now that we have someone here, it's like we feel guilty having them take care of the kids while we are out and about. I think Levi and I have spent more time over the past two weeks alone together than we have in years. LOL!

Today, we are going to spend the day celebrating Father's Day, and going to Target. Errands. I have to look for some button-down shirts for chemo days (it makes accessing the port and pump easier for the nurses).

Yesterday, Entrees Made Easy dropped off several delicious-looking meals, pre-made and ready to cook, courtesy of my good friend Steph. Steph contacted this company, which allows you to go into the location and pre-make gourmt meals for your family to tke home and cook, to see if they could help us out. In addition to teaching people how to cook gorumet-style, they can also pre-make their meals and deliver them to either busy families or families in need. It's an amazing service, and I am humbled by Steph's generosity. It's an amazing thing, to know that my family and I will have food in the fridge/freezer ready to cook in a moment's notice, especially on those busy days or lazy days. So, thanks to Steph for the help. What a huge thing for us all.

All right, more later. To all Dads reading this, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! And, to my Daddy, thanks for everything. I can't wait to see you next weekend! I love you!

JUNE 13, 2008

3 Week Anniversary

Well, today is Friday. It's odd - I have to keep looking at the calendar and crossing off each day to keep track of my weeks. I used to be able to use work as a calendar - you know, Monday through Friday, you are aware of what day it is by the tasks you have to do. And, to some extent, I used to be able to tell the day by what Julia had going at school. Was it library day? Specials? Pizza day? :-)

However, my days now revolve around appointments. Do I have an oncologist appointment? Chemo? A lab appointment? An appointment with the nap-fairy? I used to use my DayTimer as a guide more than anything - it was something I carried with me, and used occasionally to book drs appts for the kids, to track my team's vacation, etc. Now, my DayTimer is like a lifeline, helping me keep track of everything from phone numbers and contact information to what day it is. I looked at the monthly calendar today - it's been 3 weeks today since my world turned completely and totally upside down. Holy crap.

How is it that one test can change your life. This cancer has completely modified my entire outlook, my entire viewpoint, and my entire being. It has redefined who I am. While I am still Michelle, wife, mother, daughter, sister, full-time employee, student, and friend, I have added a new title to that list - Cancer Patient. I never, ever expected that I would have to deal with something like this. I kind of assumed, like I think most people do, that this happens to other people. That this can't, won't happen to me or mine. I mean, why would I think that it would happen to us? We have very little cancer history in our family, and most of that can be traced back to enviromental causes (think workplaces in the 40s, 50s and 60s). However, BOOM, fate deals us this blow when we are finally taking a deep breath and enjoying the life we have built.

Really, things were finally going so well for us. I had a great job, one that I loved, was challenged in, and finally felt like I was making a difference to the team. Our kids are healthy, happy and thriving. They are well-behaved, funny, and love one another and us unconditionally. My husband and I have had our ups and downs in our marriage, but we are finally at a place together that I think both of us have strived for - we were not only married to one another, but we were married to our best friends. We had finally settled down - after 7 years of moving ALL THE TIME, we just bought a house. And then, the other foot dropped.

So, I guess this post is more a reflection of how your life can change in a moment, with no notice whatsoever. I have had to reevaluate my life, and reprioritize things. Until I beat this and get to the other side, and some sense of "normalcy", I have to make beating colon cancer my top concern. I am lucky to have friends and family that are supporting me and my family. Knowing that the kids are taken care of, are fed and dressed and loved; knowing that Levi has someone helping him with everthing; knowing that the little things are being handled - it all makes my ability to focus on recovery that much easier. And, that's what it's going to take. Because, for the first time in my life, certainly since I had kids, I have to make ME my number one concern. If I don't, this thing is going to find a way to beat me. And, since that isn't an option, here's comes the fight. I am going to kick this cancer's ass (as a friend told me, I should make that my mantra, since the cancer invaded my ass), and I am going to start 2009 as a cancer survivor, not a cancer patient. That's my goal. 2009 - here I come. Are you ready?

It's funny - I love the holiday season. There is something so magical about that time of year. People are a little nicer, there is a tinge of sweetness in the air that doesn't exist at other times, and there is an innocent joy in the anticipation of Santa coming. I have always cherished the Christmas and New Year's season, and this year's will be especially sweet. Those of you who know me well know that I relish in the New Year's celebration. Being a New Yorker at heart, the New Year's Eve Celebration isn't the same without watching the ball drop, seeing Dick Clark on TV, and having someone to kiss at midnight. This year, I can't wait for New Years'. It's going to feel like a dream come true.

Comments:

Nancy said...

Making you number one right now is the most important thing you can do. my brother in law thought of his throat cancer as a monster that took over his body and his fight was to kick it out.well yes yours took over your butt butttttttt it didnt get much ( you still have the most) and you will kick its butt.and it will be your butt that wins sweetie.Your strong and if anything like your mom, your bull headed enough to win with flying colors.it 2009 will come in,in a big way.God Bless you in your fight he is with you all the time.Love aunt nancy

June 13, 2008 at 10:36 AM

JUNE 12, 2008

Chemo Update

All right my blogger family, are you ready for an influx of information? Neither was I this morning. I feel like Mom and I got about 6 years of medical training in a 60 minute session. Whew....here's the highlights.

As I said, the chemo regiment is Folfox, which, as Tom my love said (Tom, have I told you lately that I love you? Sorry - bad Rod Stewart song.....I don't like Rod Stewart.....anyways, I digress....ahem), is top of the line for my cancer type. Sweet. Today's meeting with the nurse was to review the meds, what they are, what they do to me (side effects), and where I will be receiving treatment. We went into the office with the nurse, and she started going over the meds. Now, I will tell you that I know I only absorbed about 1/3 of what she said. I was trying to pay attention, trying to wirte down the important things, and trying to stop my head from spinning.

I will have three days of chemo, at this point. The first day with be about three hours - the first half-hour is taking blood, getting the port in order, and getting readings of my CBC (which I didn't know until today stood for Complete Blood Count, meaning white blood cells, red blood cells, and platelets). After that's done, they spend 30 minutes pumping me with an injection of a nausea prevention medication (thank you very much). Then, the next two hours they pump me full of drugs to kill these bastard cancer cells. Once that's over, the hook up the pump (I need to come up with a funky, fun name for this thing). It's not a large unit - only about 6"x4"x1.5", and is worn in a small black case (think small camera case) with a strap allowing you to wear this fashionable statement on your shoulder, as a waist belt pack, or slung around your torso sideways, like a cool college kid. Anywhoo, I need to wear this pump for the next 24 hours, until I go back for day 2. I go back into the office, they unhook the pump and start the IV again (all through my port) with drugs, then once that 2 hour session is over, they hook me back up to the pump for another round of take-home drugs. Then, on the third day, I only have to go back into the office to allow them to remove the pump.

Now, some of the more astute of you might ask, what happened to the fourth day that you mentioned in previous posts. (If you don't remember this, you are a bad reader, and I shun you. Just kidding. Sort of.) Well, the fourth day previously mentioned was dedicated to receiving a shot of white blood cell count booster. Apparently, this isn't part of my "dedicated" regiment until it becomes necessary. And, I hope it doesn't. The side effects are BONE PAIN (not muscle pain, but BONE pain) b/c the shot actually stimulates your blood marrow production, meaning that your body is doing something that wasn't on it's plan for that day. Hmph - think pissed off, overworked, underpaid bone marrow maker meets demanding, unrelenting boss, and think how that would feel. In your bones. Yuck.

So, that's the regiment. The nurse went over the side effects. I was expecting the usual suspects: nausea (which I have 1 IV med and 4 RX meds to tackle), vomiting, fatigue, hair loss (which she said will be more like thinning, so I am still glad I made the decision),neuropathy, mouth sores, changes in bowel habits, etc. However, there was one significant addition to the suspect list that I had no clue about: extreme sensitivity to cold. Not cold weather. Cold, period. The advice they give you? Don't drink anything cold. Room temp or warmer. When you get something from the fridge or freezer, wear gloves. (And, my first question - it's June, in Arizona. Where am I going to get gloves?) Plan ahead, and bring extra clothing for trips out. Wear a face mask if you are planning to go someplace cold, like the refrigerated section of the grocery store. (I swear to God, I am not kidding you at all!) If I don't adhere to these rules, I could have spasms in my throat as a result of the cold, and the fix for that - drink something hot. While she was saying this, all I kept thinking was, thank goodness I live in AZ and it's summer. Apparently, this lovely side effect should kick in Day 1, and last the entire three days of the chemo, going away as time wears on. However, with all of the drugs, they have a cumulative effect, so as I go on in treatment, the effects will get worse. Fun.

I think those are the highlights. After that discussion, the nurse took Mom and I to see the chemo room. It was exactly as I saw it on Tuesday, but this time, I was able to see more of it. It was actually a relaxing place. The people in there receiving treatment were warm and inviting, and seemed to genuinely want to help a "newbie". Three ladies showed me their ports and how they are accessed, so that was nice to see. And, another suggested that I just take it day by day and see what comes next.

Hmmmmm - I feel like I couldn't have covered the entire 90 minute total session here, but there you go. I was able to get paperwork from them to help ith my appeal from the university regarding my financial aid and withdrawal from class this session. I was also able to get a handicapped parking sticker (I only plan on using this when necessary, but anything helps), which I pick up on Tuesday.

So, as I said, I start chemo Tuesday morning. I am a bit nervous - it's this big looming thing that I can't avoid, and I have to face. At this point, I think it's the unknown that's bothering me more than anything. You know - let's get it started so I can deal with it. And, get it over.

I plotted out the sessions. Get this - if all goes well, and we are able to stay on track for everything, my last treatment will be.....drumroll.....the week before Thanksgiving. Are you kidding me? Again - things happen in mysterious ways.

Well, that's all for now. Tomorrow, the kids are staying home with Mom and me. I don't know what we will do, but we will figure it out then. I have some paperwork to finish and submit, and I am still pretty pooped from this week. Saturday, Levi and I have a date planned, after we drive out to Tempe to pick up Dad's chair. Oh - speaking of furniture, Mom and I hit this used furniture store today looking for stuff for her and Dad. Mom got a Broyhill solid wood cherry-colored headboard, 5-drawer dresser, chest of drawers, and nightstand with matching mirror for ......... $299. They are being delivered on Saturday morning. This place was cool as hell. It was awesome - they have everything from antiques to brand-new labeled items, and everything in between. They are a family run store, 4th generation now working there. SO COOL!

Anywhoo, my ice cream just got here, and it's melting. Priorities, people. I only have 4 days of ice cream left. Gotta run... :-)

Comments:

The Wallen's and Begins said...

Mick,

I love your haircut, you pull it off very well, so chic yet so classy, LOVE IT! I just want you to know it pains me not to be able to be there, just to make you laugh, and cry with you if you needed it, (cleansing). I will pray for you as you start chemo, I will ask the Lord for peace, for less side effects and for remission to come quickly. You will beat this, and your voice will be loud and will help others to overcome. I love you, and I am proud of you that you have embraced this dragon, tell Levi I said HI!
Keep the Faith,
Jenn

June 13, 2008 at 5:24 AM

JUNE 11, 2008

It's goooonnnne......

Well, I did it. Here's the pictures. Let me know what you think. I am still getting used to it. It's kind of a pixie cut, and looks different in "real life". I have pushed the bangs off my head, and I like the look better.

Here's a BEFORE picture. Me, with shoulder length hair.Another BEFORE. 

Mid-cut. LOTS of hair on the floor.

Mid-styling. That's Autumn, my hair stylist. She was a good choice. I had made several phone calls to try to find a good person. Fate stuck with me. Autumn has had two rounds of chemo herself, and has been through the hair loss. On top of that, she is honest and forthcoming, and told me what would look good, what wouldn't, and helped me get through. 

I was fine with the cut until she started cutting the top-front portion of my hair. Until then, it was okay. Once that part happened, I lost it. I got very emotional. I think at that point, it hit me that I HAD to do this. I wasn't doing it because I wanted a new look or was bored with my hair. I was making this choice as a way to control the inevitable. Very emotional. 

Autumn styling my hair. This was before I had a chance to see it. She cut the hair and styled it without allowing me to see the results until the end. It was kind of fun, and scary. 

This is the pile of hair that was on the floor after the cut. Wow.

So, there you go. As I said, I am still getting used to it. It's a cute look - definitely something I didn't think I would be able to pull off. We'll see what happens today when I try to style it myself. I don't think I care for the bangs - I feel better when I push them off my face. I am not a BANG kind of person. And, I think it looks cuter that way.

Okay, what do you think.....be nice....

Comments:

Phil, Sharon & Rachael said...

Oh, it looks awesome!! Actually, it looks very much like the cut you got after you had Julia (what you had at my wedding), remember?? You lopped it all off then... I had forgotten until I saw these pictures. And how great that you found someone who's been through it all do your hair! She did a great job - she's definitely a keeper!!

June 11, 2008 at 10:30 AM

 Young Family said...

I love it!!! I think it looks fabulous and so do you....not knowing what to expect, but you look GREAT!

Love you!

June 11, 2008 at 8:40 PM

 Tom said...

One word: hawt.

June 12, 2008 at 6:20 AM

 Misty Belcher said...

Your hair looks great. Thinking about you every day. Lots of hugs and loves.

June 12, 2008 at 4:12 PM

Later:

Sharon, this is for you....

If you remember, I had my toes done before I went in for surgery. Here's the picture, finally. Sorry it took so long.

So, I didn't mean for them to look like watermelons, but that's what happened. Oh well - it's still fun!

Comments:

Phil, Sharon & Rachael said...

Ha ha ha... very cute! Yes, I concur with the nurses... watermelon all the way!!! :)

June 11, 2008 at 10:31 AM

 Phil, Sharon & Rachael said...

Oh, and I love curious kitty in the picture! :)

June 11, 2008 at 10:32 AM

 Murph said...

The hair looks great and so do you! It's amazing for all you've been through thus far. Keep up the good work Michelle, you're always in my thoughts! Mary

June 12, 2008 at 8:31 AM