So,
another Saturday has come and gone. It started out tough - I woke up in a
fairly crappy mood. No reason - I felt fine, but Mom was going furniture
shopping, which I knew that I couldn't join her in. Levi and I were working on
getting the office converted into a bedroom (basically, emptying out the office
furniture). Okay, really, he worked at it, and I helped as much as possible
without passing out. :-) Mom took Kevin shopping, and we had Julia, which
worked out okay. It was just a tough day.
I know they say there are going to be rough days. But, until you are actually faced with a day of not being able to do anything because of this, it's hard to imagine. To some people, a day of sitting around, being told not to do anything sounds like heaven. Not so much. I would give my left kidney if it meant I could go back to being the me without cancer. I have actually started to look at my life as AC and BC. After cancer, and before cancer. Okay, well, BC would come first, but you get the jist. It's just hard to wake up, knowing that you should be able to do x, then y, then z, but b/c of the surgeries and all, I can't. Some days, it's hard to remember that that I am blessed and lucky. It's easier to remember that I have cancer. Period. And, to wallow in the self-pity that is normal but I think unhealthy.
After I got up and going and started to ignore the warnings and swept the kitchen floor, vaccuumed a bit, and cleaned up the house a little, I started to feel, well, normal. Tired, but normal. Something I haven't felt much over the past three weeks.
Mom called, and we were going to South Phoenix to help her pick up a mattress. Cool - I get to leave the house?!?! On the way, Levi stopped at the mailbox (since we live in a development, out mailboxes are all "centrally" located). And, I am so glad I did. I got cards from work, from my best friends, etc. It was such an uplifting thing. And, I am so grateful for them. To all who have sent good wishes, cards, flowers, gift boxes, gift cards, etc., I appreciate it more than you can ever begin to imagine. It means a lot. I don't think you know how much it means to me. Those simple two or three dollar cards came at a time when I needed them, and they boosted my spirits. I keep asking Levi - how did I get so lucky? Not only was I spared the worst-case-scenario with the cancer diagnosis (yes, it's chemo, but it's curable), but I have been blessed (somehow, this word doesn't seem to convey what I mean) with an amazing support group.
Maybe part of the reason that I was chosen to go through this ordeal is to make me realize that I DO have an impact on other people's lives. That I can make a difference. And, maybe, that in my future lies my mission - to make others realize that they can make a difference.
Anyway, there's my philosophical thought for the week. Off we go to dinner....
I know they say there are going to be rough days. But, until you are actually faced with a day of not being able to do anything because of this, it's hard to imagine. To some people, a day of sitting around, being told not to do anything sounds like heaven. Not so much. I would give my left kidney if it meant I could go back to being the me without cancer. I have actually started to look at my life as AC and BC. After cancer, and before cancer. Okay, well, BC would come first, but you get the jist. It's just hard to wake up, knowing that you should be able to do x, then y, then z, but b/c of the surgeries and all, I can't. Some days, it's hard to remember that that I am blessed and lucky. It's easier to remember that I have cancer. Period. And, to wallow in the self-pity that is normal but I think unhealthy.
After I got up and going and started to ignore the warnings and swept the kitchen floor, vaccuumed a bit, and cleaned up the house a little, I started to feel, well, normal. Tired, but normal. Something I haven't felt much over the past three weeks.
Mom called, and we were going to South Phoenix to help her pick up a mattress. Cool - I get to leave the house?!?! On the way, Levi stopped at the mailbox (since we live in a development, out mailboxes are all "centrally" located). And, I am so glad I did. I got cards from work, from my best friends, etc. It was such an uplifting thing. And, I am so grateful for them. To all who have sent good wishes, cards, flowers, gift boxes, gift cards, etc., I appreciate it more than you can ever begin to imagine. It means a lot. I don't think you know how much it means to me. Those simple two or three dollar cards came at a time when I needed them, and they boosted my spirits. I keep asking Levi - how did I get so lucky? Not only was I spared the worst-case-scenario with the cancer diagnosis (yes, it's chemo, but it's curable), but I have been blessed (somehow, this word doesn't seem to convey what I mean) with an amazing support group.
Maybe part of the reason that I was chosen to go through this ordeal is to make me realize that I DO have an impact on other people's lives. That I can make a difference. And, maybe, that in my future lies my mission - to make others realize that they can make a difference.
Anyway, there's my philosophical thought for the week. Off we go to dinner....
Comments:
Nancy said...
hi
sweetie...sorry your day started off so tough...i know you keep hearing it but
things will get better.And i agree with you i would give anything to go back to
work and be myself again and you will,You are not going to be sick and down all
the time.I wish i could make that nasty junk get out of your body like my girls
i dont want to see you go through so much.I am thinking of you all the time and
sending you all my prayers for all to be well with you and the family
Michelle.when you are down and not feeling well walk through the house and
say:GOD OUR FATHER WALK THROUGH MY HOUSE AND TAKE AWAY ALL MY WORRIES AND
ILLNESSES;IN JESUS' NAME.AMEN...i have that posted right here at my pc and i
say it daily and it gets me through some hards times sweetie.love always aunt
nancy
June
8, 2008 at 6:46 PM
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